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Kept and Keeping

Tag Archives: sanctification

Purity Isn’t for Me

12 Friday Feb 2016

Posted by Lauren Scott in Living Faith

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devotional, glory of God, love, marriage, meditations, Purity, sanctification, set apart life, singleness, the

Purity isn’t for me. No, really—it isn’t.

There seems to exist some disillusionment for those who have reached what we could call “the other side of purity”. I’ve seen an article or two from people in my own generation bemoaning the fact that saving one’s virginity for the wedding night just wasn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. The reality that came after saying “I do” just hasn’t seemed to measure up to the ideal they were promised by their parents and youth pastors. Somehow these people who once made a commitment to purity now regret following through with it.

But why?

Maybe they were given all of the practical considerations and potential blessings of purity as though they were promises: avoiding STDs and unwanted pregnancy, having the potential for a very special physical relationship in marriage free from comparison with and the baggage of past “experience”, having a sense of self-respect, keeping your parents and church leaders happy (because the Bible says so!), making sure you don’t waste your gift on someone who doesn’t really love you, and, let’s not forget “married sex is the best sex”. In the minds of all too many teens and young adults, this boils down to: you will be healthier and happier if you wait. None of those are necessarily bad considerations or potential outcomes, mind you, but perhaps, neither are they proper motivation for a lifetime of purity.

I would offer that those who are disillusioned with the results of waiting didn’t understand what purity is for in the first place. Their complaints seem to be along the lines of “It didn’t work out for me like I thought. It didn’t make me as happy as I thought it would.” But, as the title of this article suggests, purity—in the Christian sense—isn’t for me.

My husband and I were recently asked to speak to a local youth group about how the Lord worked to bring us together (especially since our story is quite different from the way many people go about finding a spouse), so the issue of purity has been fresh on my mind for the past several weeks.

One of the discussion questions my husband tossed out that night for the teens to consider is, I believe, a very fitting one for any godly discussion of purity: What is the most important thing in the world to you?

I’d be interested to hear answers to that question from those who regret their past purity.

Hopefully those who know the Lord Jesus Christ as their Savior would at least know that the answer ought to be God Himself, or some variation including loving, serving, or glorifying Him. After all, the Bible says “Whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” The Westminster Shorter Catechism suggests that the “chief end of man is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.” Once you know that is the correct answer, it’s pretty easy to come up with—but a whole lot harder to say honestly, isn’t it?

Riding that train of thought a little further, the greatest commandment, according to Jesus, is this:

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.

Here’s something to consider: If this is the greatest commandment, perhaps we should understand God’s call to sexual purity in light of it. Could it be that the goal of those “lesser” commands is in fact to obey that first one? Let’s review a few passages and see:

 

Now flee youthful lusts and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. 2 Timothy 2:22

 

“Youthful lusts” stand in opposition to the pursuit of “righteousness, faith, love and peace”, and this is to be done with others who “call on the Lord”—the Lord and His goals for us seem to be the focus.

 

Finally, then, brethren, we request and exhort you in the Lord Jesus, that as you received from us instruction as to how you ought to walk and please God…that you excel still more…For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality…For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity, but in sanctification. So, he who rejects this is not rejecting man but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you. 1 Thessalonians 4:1-8

 

We are exhorted to walk in a way that pleases God, here and also in Colossians 1:10. The strong message of this passage to the Thessalonians is that our sanctification, or being “set apart” unto God, is not only pleasing to God but is also somewhat synonymous with sexual purity. In other words, good luck being set apart for God’s purposes while clinging to sexual sin. Sexual purity is so important because sexual sin is so at odds with our greatest goal: loving and glorifying God.

And perhaps the strongest statement yet:

 

…the one who joins himself to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body. 1 Corinthians 6:17-20

 

This passage sets up a two-fold view of our bodies:

1 – There is a sense in which our bodies have dignity and we can disgrace them by acts of sexual sin (“the immoral man sins against his own body”), so arguments for purity that involve a sense of self-respect and dignity are actually, in my opinion, rather appropriate according to this verse. But…

2 – The strongest point to be made in this passage, however, is not that we sin against ourselves, but, if we are Christians, that we sin against the very purpose for which we have been rescued by Christ—to be a set-apart vessel, a temple for the Holy Spirit. Sexual sin is clearly at odds with glorifying God in our bodies, because our bodies are not ultimately ours, but the Lord’s, for Him to fill and abide. What could be more dignifying than that?!?

In my study of these passages, among others, I don’t see God holding out any carrots in order to twist our arms into sexual purity. There isn’t any bait-and-switch, as if God were to say, “Do this and you will be happy, healthy, whatever you want—but eventually I’ll tell you that I really I just want you to glorify Me.” God’s word is actually quite straightforward. If these passages tell us anything, they tell us that purity isn’t about us, it’s about God.

So to those who are young and wondering if sticking it out for the long haul is worth it: yes, it is. Not because it will ensure “your best life”—now or later—but because it is God’s good will for you and it pleases and honors Him. The commitment to set apart your body for God’s service will be a testimony to a world that His ways are better than theirs and that you are willing to wait for God’s good gifts in His good time.

To those who are not so young anymore and wondering if marriage and family will ever happen for them or if they will have lived a life of purity “for nothing”: take heart, it is not for nothing. It is for God and for your eternal delight in Him far above anything else. This will speak volumes of the value of your God above anything this world can offer. It may be a hard and lonely road, and it may be that you don’t see a reward for it in this lifetime, but “God is not unjust so as to forget your work and the love which you have shown to His name” (Hebrews 6:10).

To those who have not lived a life of purity and wonder if they can somehow make up for their sins: no, you can’t. But Jesus already did. He died for sin—for all kinds of sin, including the most perverse and unfaithful. Look to the cross, cast your cares on Jesus, believing He died for your sin and rose from the dead. He lives now to intercede for all who trust Him. So trust Him. And dig into what God’s word says about how to live with a goal of pleasing Him—and walk now in purity because the death of Jesus has made you clean and His Holy Spirit gives you new life.

To those who are married and think that the pursuit of purity is behind them: it’s not. Purity is just as important in marriage as it is when single. The goal is still the same—to glorify God with our bodies—only, in marriage, this includes both nurturing our relationship with our spouse and guarding our minds and bodies from temptation to sin. The fight isn’t over; it just looks a little different.

And finally, to those who think that their commitment to purity before marriage has let them down: it was never meant to be the key to temporal happiness anyway, though it certainly can contribute to it. If you’re a Christian, purity wasn’t ultimately about you at all, but about God. Try not to be resentful towards those who may have misled you into believing the whole point was to be healthy and happy—they probably meant the best for you. Instead of looking back in resentment, open up God’s word to see more of what He has to say about it. If your attitude has been sinful, selfish, or self-righteous, repent. Jesus died for those things, too. And don’t let go of purity—just recognize it isn’t an end in itself or a means to merely temporal ends. It is a part of living life to the glory and enjoyment of God.

I have, of course, only barely scratched the surface when it comes to what the Bible says about sexual purity, nor have I even really shared my own experience in the matter, but I hope that I have at least demonstrated the central purpose for the Christian’s call to purity, which is the very purpose for life itself: to love and glorify our Creator God. If I have as my greatest aim something other than that, my lifelong commitment to purity will quite likely be fraught with disappointment. Because, after all, purity isn’t for me.

 

Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father. Colossians 3:17

 

Amen.

Things I’ve Learned in Our First Year of Homeschooling

19 Friday Jun 2015

Posted by Lauren Scott in Home Education

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Tags

education, expectations, faithfulness, homeschooling, math, sanctification

My husband and I each knew we’d homeschool our kids before we ever met and married. And while in one sense you could say we’ve been “homeschooling” all along since our first child was born, it has only been this past year—when my oldest turned five—that we have “officially” begun to get our feet wet with more intentional schooling. Having looked forward to teaching my children at home for many years, I felt quite confident and had certain high expectations. Below, I reveal how it all has panned out.193

Things I’ve Learned in Our First Year of Homeschooling:

Homeschooling is both easy and hard. It is both delightfully fun and, at times, painfully stressful. It seems it is like any other worthwhile pursuit. It takes time.   It takes work. Blood, sweat, and tears. And prayer—lots and lots of prayer. I knew it would be work, but now I know it is work!

Daily discipline is probably the hardest thing. We don’t exactly at this point have our days perfectly laid out. I don’t even have our meals ready at the same time each day (working on that)! But this work is worth it, and I know the discipline will come in time, with practice. That’s essentially what discipline is, isn’t it? Practicing the right things over and over and over. Training (myself, in this case) to do what is right and to do it at the appropriate time. I’m learning right along with my kids.

I have so much more respect and appreciation for classroom teachers. I volunteered to teach a Spanish class for our homeschool co-op. I only had a class of about 14 children, but they ranged in age from five to nine years old. I can now sympathize with my public and private school counterparts on a few things:

1) Lesson planning takes a lot of work! I only had to plan five 45-minute classes—and they were spread out with at least a week between each one—but it was still a lot of work! I’m sure it gets easier to find a rhythm once you’ve done the same class for more than one year and have already done much of the preliminary planning, but I now have a small taste of just what goes into preparing for a class (minus any regulatory paperwork—you have my deepest sympathy, there).

2) Even when you think you’ve made the perfect plans, kids can highjack your attention and throw you all kinds of wrenches! Not the least of which is simply saying straight-up, “I really don’t want to do that.” I know how to handle those kinds of situations with my own children, but in a classroom setting?!?!? Which leads me to…

3) Maintaining discipline and order in the classroom is extremely challenging. I’m not sure if the fact that these were young homeschooled kids made this aspect more or less difficult.

4) Maintaining the interest and attention of students, especially when each one may be at a different level of development or understanding, is quite difficult.

5) It is truly a delight when you hear from parents that a kid loved your class, has been practicing what he’s learned, thinks you’re the best teacher ever, and can’t wait for the next class! Yeah, so that one isn’t a negative. That’s what every teacher wants to hear! And it makes those moments when you want to pull your hair out worth it.  Whether it’s in a public, private, or co-op classroom, consider this my hat tip to you, my teacher friends.

Sometimes my personality and preferences will clash with what my child needs. I was excited at first about the math curriculum we had chosen because it offered so much hands-on learning, which both my husband and I thought was important for forming a basic understanding of math and how it works. What I didn’t expect was the semi-scripted lessons telling me I had to cut this out, make copies of that, and grab a small pile of different manipulatives or stacks of cards each day to accompany our lessons. Nor did I foresee the fact that my desire for efficiency would struggle with the concept of doing something with manipulatives just for the sake of “experiencing” math. Yes, I get that the purpose is for the child to have a greater understanding, but is it really necessary for him to make nearly forty “hundreds cards” that he will only use once?

The concepts and strategies taught in this curriculum are different than I learned growing up, and they feel a bit extraneous at times.   I’m a bit more of a math traditionalist, and I liked math just fine that way. Numbers and symbols are concrete to me, so working with abstractions early on just seemed insane.  But, I’m learning that…

Math is more than facts and rules. And it’s more fun this way. The goal, I have slowly come to realize, is to learn the concepts and the facts while simultaneously gaining a deep understanding and appreciation for them—and we’re even learning to do more mental math than I’m used to doing as an adult! So I now see the value in all the “extras” that fill up our lessons.

It is an opportunity to die to myself in service to another. I’m not particularly patient, and I like to get from point A to point B in the shortest amount of time possible. So the lessons still sometimes annoy me. And while homeschooling certainly affords me the freedom to build or find a curriculum that works for both my teaching style and my child’s learning style (read: I don’t HAVE to stick with this curriculum!), I am also responsible to do what I truly feel is best for my child, even if it means I have to swallow my pride, deny my own tendency toward laziness and high efficiency (the two go together, don’t they?), and press on with a program that my child enjoys and which is indeed challenging him to think in new ways and make his own discoveries as he explores the world of mathematics.

I can’t wait until we can switch over to Saxon 54 (our plan all along) and my boys can work independently on math in a more disciplined and traditional way, but what we’re doing now will give them a great grasp on the how and why of math, which I think will be a great foundation on which to build! The struggle is worth it. I can learn to adapt for their sakes.

A little stick-to-it-iveness goes a long way. I started and stopped this particular math curriculum twice already (“trying” it the first two times involved one two-week stint in the beginning before giving up on part-whole circles, and another four-day “trial” five months later). This third time around, I’m motivated by the fact that if we’d just paused at part-whole circles, given it a week to be mastered, and then jumped right back in, we’d be on to the next grade-level by now.

My attitude changes everything. I let on right away my disgust for the cheesy little kids songs used to teach some early math equations, how to write numbers, etc. For the record, I’m not a fan of most little kids’ music. I found that very quickly my children shared my sentiment, and we gave up on the songs. When the program introduced part-whole circles before introducing written math equations, I stiffened up, made a bewildered face, said, “What?!?”, and then my son didn’t like them either (and probably lost any interest in trying to figure them out). And this is why we threw in the towel the first time. I think my attitude made all the difference in the world.

Now, having reintroduced things a second and third time with a much better attitude, and having worked with my son to conquer part-whole circles (we did introduce equations first), he now comments on how much he loves part-whole circles (and now we all seem to love those cheesy math songs! Both my boys beg for me to put the cd on!). I set the tone. I can be the greatest help or the greatest hindrance to my child’s learning. Attitude is everything.

What I assumed would be the easiest subject turned out to be the most difficult. I’m not done with that math curriculum yet! Can you see that math has been my Achilles’ heel this year? I sure didn’t expect that when I started the year with a child who loved math and seemed to be pretty good at it! But neither of us had done a formal curriculum, so we each had quite the learning curve. That boy still loves math and is indeed good at it, but I have had to learn that just because he’s got a good mind for it doesn’t mean he will pick everything up on the first try (or even the second). He’s only five for crying out loud! The process is still line upon line, precept upon precept, a little here, a little there. My prideful expectation that my son would be a supernatural wiz kid in math and always understand everything the first time I introduced it to him had to be slammed down. Not because my son is any dummy, but because I was being the dummy! Math has been the hardest subject for me, not for him, because it has been the thing that has most upset my expectations. Praise God for upsetting my expectations!

Treating this as a practice year has been incredibly important for my sanity. My son’s birthday falls right on the cutoff date. He could have started kindergarten this year in the public schools, and if we were sending him there, we’d have signed the waiver to keep him home an extra year so that he’d be the oldest in his class rather than the youngest. So, that’s just what we did as homeschoolers—instead of filing an Intent to Homeschool form, we just filed our paperwork to waive kindergarten. But as far as I was concerned, we were starting kindergarten at home. So I jumped in with a great reading program, that math curriculum I have already loved on so much in this article, and a plan to read lots of good books together. While we’ve really had a successful year, and there was math learning going on in the five months after we initially dropped the curriculum (mostly learning and practicing addition and subtraction facts with dollar store workbooks—not a bad method, might I add), I still felt like I had cheated my son of so much more in math since I didn’t stick with the program. I wish I had just done it. Take a break where needed for extra practice, but then keep going. But I didn’t. And here we are starting up again in lesson twenty-something at the end of the school year. Never mind that it’s at an advanced kindergarten/traditional first grade level. Never mind that many kids would be starting kindergarten at five and half or nearly six years old—so the only reason I feel behind is because of where my son’s birthday falls relative to an arbitrary start date. I still felt like I was behind.

Then Nathaniel and I discussed what we should do with the paperwork this year. I had already been treating my son as a kindergartener in our homeschool group, even though we waived kindergarten as far as the state was concerned. We could file our first Intent to Homeschool form this summer with a kindergarten designation or a first grade designation. Our homeschool group wanted us to give them the same designation. So I was torn. But as we discussed it and as I heard from another mom who has all her babies in either July or August, she just always signed them up as the lowest grade level that fit their age. That way, they could go at their own pace, as far ahead as they needed to be, but if they weren’t advanced or were even a little slow in some areas, they could also proceed at their own pace without undue pressure. So we made the decision then and there to declare our son as starting kindergarten next year.

It’s such an arbitrary designation, really, but it has taken a huge weight off of my shoulders! Instead of feeling like I had to scrap any hopes of picking up where we left off with the math program because we were already too far behind, it freed me to evaluate the situation in terms of: What do I really think would be the best course of action so that my son will really get it when it comes to math? What will give him the best foundation? Taking the pressure off of me to keep up with some mythical standard I had set up for myself allowed me to focus on my child and take that pressure off of him as well. What a beautifully freeing thing!

Summer Break is there for a reason. I had originally thought we’d school year-round. I thought if we kept at it all year, then we could just take breaks whenever “life” happened throughout the year. And while that is a wonderful blessing of homeschooling, I have found in this our first year that, as we move into the summer months, “life” just tends to happen more often. There are more outdoor activities, swimming lessons, late family evenings, road trips to take, and home projects demanding our attention. So, even though we are somewhat continuing our more formal studies (math and reading, in particular), summer has broken up our routine of its own accord, and I am just going to roll with it and enjoy summer as a fun time to learn especially by doing, and by doing fun things together as a family. And I certainly don’t mind the down time beside the pool while the boys learn to swim. 😉

Even when life slows us down, we still have put in a lot of work this year. My oldest son has learned to read. My youngest has decided he knows how to read, too, but that’s another story. The boys have developed a love for science and history and telling stories and building their own enormous creations out of their train set and Legos and blocks and toilet paper rolls. We have enjoyed and memorized several poems and passages of scripture. We have settled into our math program and are enjoying it, firmly committed this time, and growing in our understanding together. We’ve gotten plugged in to our local homeschool group and have thoroughly enjoyed the new relationships it is providing. And, to whom it may concern, we have logged well over 180 days of school. Not bad for a “practice” run. 😉

How about you? What do you remember from your first year of homeschooling? And what lessons have you learned along the way since then? I’d love to hear from you!

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Lauren Scott

Lauren Scott

Christian. Wife. Mother. Homemaker. Home Educator. Blogger. Book Addict. Outdoorist.

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