I was in 8th grade when I found out the world was broken. The Columbine High School Massacre shook a nation, and it shook me, too.
Sure, growing up in Texas, I had been vaguely aware of the 1993 Waco Siege and a bit more aware of the Oklahoma City Bombing since it provoked a moment of silence before one of my 10U softball games.
But when you’re 14 and your conversion to Christ is less than a year old, the martyrdom of would-be peers like Cassie Bernall and Rachel Scott tends to leave an imprint.
“Do you believe in God?”
“Yes, I do.”
Bang.
Just a few years later, the world broke again.
It was September 11, 2001, and I had just walked into my Junior English class. There was a bit of a commotion and a student turned on the TV in the upper corner of the room, opposite the door, so I had a perfect view as I walked in. There was a tall building with smoke coming out of it. We watched with confusion, incredulity, and horror as a second plane ran into the other tower on live TV.
A girl in one of my classes shrieked that her dad was flying that day. She was a wreck until she found out he wasn’t on one of those planes.
Our US government test was canceled that afternoon. Instead, we watched and discussed history in the making, with room for questions, grief, and silence.
Just as my 14 year old self took courage from the stories of students who lost their lives at Columbine, I also followed stories of heroism from 9/11. Of particular note was Christian husband and father Tod Beamer. He was one of the men who left the illusory safety of his passenger seat to fight his plane’s hijacker. This is the plane that crashed in a field rather than, say, the White House. His widowed wife tells the story in the book Let’s Roll.
These are the moments and stories we never forget.
You remember the images. You remember where you were standing when the news broke and your world broke with it.
Today’s remembrance of 9/11 follows in the fresh wake of another world-breaking moment.
I won’t soon forget where I was standing yesterday afternoon when Charlie Kirk was murdered. I was in the kitchen, about to process some chicken and prepare enchiladas for our church’s youth who would arrive at our house in a few hours. I picked up my phone to check Instagram, and at the top of my feed was a simple text post from Allie Beth Stuckey announcing the shooting and pleading for prayer.
My first thought was, “Oh, God. Not Charlie Kirk.” You might have expected political violence against some of the more abrasive and loud-mouthed conservative figures. But Charlie was a devout Christian, outspoken but incredibly patient and willing to engage in dialog with anyone. “Not Charlie.”
Tears and many prayers followed.
Prayers and tears while cooking taco meat and rolling enchiladas. I asked the boys to put on a good album of Christian music while they cleaned and I cooked. I hadn’t told them yet. Still processing the event and food and prayer after prayer after prayer.
But when the report came out that Charlie had died, and the boys could likely see that something had been eating at me or at least had me distracted, I finally told them. Right there in the kitchen, standing next to the kitchen table.
The words didn’t come easily. But they came. So did the stunned faces, the look of shock and sadness.
Yesterday my 8th grader found out the world was broken, if he didn’t know that already.
Because yesterday a good man got shot for speaking truth. It’s the same thing that happened to Cassie Bernall and Rachel Scott, just on a grander and more sophisticated scale.
Promote free speech and civil discourse by living it.
Clearly articulate conservative moral and political views.
Speak up for the unborn.
Promote biblical marriage and family life.
Unashamedly proclaim the gospel.
Bang.
A young woman widowed. Two precious children left without a father. A nation of young people touched by the violence against a man who touched their lives.
What are we to do? There’s anger, there’s grief. What does the Scripture say?
Be angry and yet do not sin.
Weep with those who weep.
Pray for the widow and orphan.
Pray for those who persecute you.
Speak the truth in love.
Do not be ashamed of the gospel: the world is broken, and we know the only Healer.
Yes, we can do that. By the grace of God, we can do all of that. I can encourage my sons in that.
But I’m also thankful that I had responsibilities to feed other people yesterday evening. To pull me away from the news updates, the doom scrolling, the negative spiral and back into the physical world of embodied service and life in community.
We welcomed our friends last night, shared a meal, read and reflected on the Sermon on the Mount, prayed with our teens, and then as parents and leaders, prayed for our teens. What a healing balm on such a tragic day. We just did the usual thing, nothing loud and fancy—we gathered as believers in Christ, practicing the ordinary means of grace.
And I think that’s where I’ll leave this. Where do we go from here? We go to the Word and all of the most basic Christian disciplines—both in our solitude and in community. We run to Jesus, pleading that He might produce the fruit of His Spirit in us. And we go about our ordinary, everyday obedience to Christ, rolling up our sleeves and our enchiladas, refusing to abandon our post, refusing to shy away from the hard conversations, refusing to compromise the truth, prayerful and Christ-exalting in all of it.
And maybe, just maybe, instead of being more afraid because of yesterday’s events, we’ll do it all with even more courage and boldness because of Charlie Kirk’s example.
“The blood of the martyrs is the seed of the church.” —Tertullian
Some are called to serve Christ on the front lines by reaching young people on college campuses. And some of us are called to serve Christ on the front lines by raising our own young people before they land on a college campus.
So to the mamas out there: Hold the line. Make that meal. Arrange those flowers. Love your husband. Love your children. Call that friend. Provide the physical sustenance that brings people together for fellowship around the spiritual sustenance of the Word of God.
And pray for Erika Kirk as she seeks to do the same—without Charlie by her side.
The following article and the other two in this series are talks that I gave at a women’s retreat in my area. The theme was “Pioneer Women”, and the scriptures were chosen for me. It was a fruitful exercise for me and a delight to get to share some insights from God’s Word with the lovely ladies who gathered to hear it. I hope you’ll find it to be an encouragement to you, as well. Building on the foundation of Godly Wisdom, and the life of Good Works that God calls us to, this third and final article discusses a Christian woman’s Gracious Words that ought to flow from hearts that have been redeemed by the love of God through the gospel of Jesus Christ.
Before we wrap up this series, let’s recap where we’ve been:
We want to pursue wisdom, asking God for it and searching for it in His Word—and we want to use that godly wisdom to glorify God by building up our household—caring for the people and things that God has entrusted to us.
We want to walk in the good works that God has prepared for us. Godly wisdom helps us to discern what works are truly good and worth our time, and we know that godly wisdom is rooted in the fact that our salvation rests fully on the work of Christ—not our own works. We love because He has first loved us. With faith and hope in Jesus, and with assurance of His incredible love for us, we can roll up our sleeves and do good to others in His name.
But Our Words Can Make or Break Our Service
We know that serving others can be messy. When we help those in need, we often become aware of things in their lives that they are ashamed of. The places they need help are often places of pain.
This is actually the context for today’s passage on the tongue. Our verse is 1 Timothy 3:11, but I’m going to get a run at it, starting with verse eight:
Deacons likewise must be men of dignity, not double-tongued, or addicted to much wine or fond of sordid gain, but holding to the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience. These men must also first be tested; then let them serve as deacons if they are beyond reproach. Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things.
The word deacon means “servant.” This can take a lot of forms, from serving tables (Acts 6) to managing finances to visiting the sick and needy. Many commentators see the women in this passage as the wives of deacons, since the word for woman is the same in Greek as the word for wife. However you take it, it’s clear that the bible holds high standards for both men and women who serve in the church, and that standard is the kind of Christian maturity that we all ought to be aiming toward.
A woman who helps her husband in the service of God’s people, or who does real service in the church, whether married or not, needs to be someone who can be trusted. Are you a trustworthy friend and helper? Or does your mouth share what ought to be kept private? This takes wisdom and discretion, and we all will get it wrong sometimes (James 3). Each time we fail in our speech is an opportunity to confess it to the Lord and to anyone else where necessary, to repent of that sinful speech, and trust fully in the Lord Jesus who died to pay the penalty for that sin.
A High Calling
Now, let’s look a bit closer at 1 Timothy 3:11, complete with color-coding to help us see what’s there. 🙂
It’s interesting to note that the characteristics held up for the women in our verse mirror most of those listed for the men:
Both are to be “dignified,” or honorable, so that when they serve in an official capacity for the church, they represent it and the Lord Jesus Christ well.
While it says women are to be “temperate,” the men also are to “not be addicted to much wine”—both are to be self-controlled and not under the influence of alcohol, so that they are able to serve with good, sober judgment at all times.
The call for women to be “faithful in all things” mirrors the men’s calling to be “beyond reproach”—so that no charges of misconduct can be brought against them.
The need for a deacon to be “not fond of sordid gain”, that is, ill-gotten or unjustly acquired wealth, fits here, too. When you are active in service, you may be entrusted with money either to give to those in need or to purchase things for service projects. “Faithful in all things” certainly would have an impact on how a man or woman handles money.
The same mirroring pattern holds for gossip. Women are not to be “malicious gossips.” And the men are not to be “double-tongued,” talking nice to someone’s face but saying something quite different behind their back.
Gossip
So what is gossip? Well, in our passage, the Greek word translated gossip is “diabolos.” The majority of the time this word is used in the New Testament, it is translated “devil”—referring to our enemy, the accuser of the brethren, the slanderer of our good and gracious God.
Our world today may wink at gossip as though it isn’t a big deal, or may even celebrate it by publishing it in tabloids, posting it on social media, or promoting it as “news.” But we’re warned in Scripture that gossip is a devilish and destructive behavior.
Here’s a definition of gossip from Matthew Mitchell, a pastor invested in biblical counseling: He says that gossip is “Bearing bad news behind someone’s back out of a bad heart. …We gossip because our sinful hearts are attracted to negative stories much like moths to a flame.”
Ouch! But isn’t there truth in that statement? Have you ever wondered why the news focuses so much on bad news? Why most viral social media posts are angry rants? The human heart is drawn to this stuff.
If we are to become wise women whose speech is characterized by gracious words, we need to learn how to resist gossip from the heart—not just try to stop damaging words at our lips, but learning to renew our hearts and minds by the help of God’s Holy Spirit.
Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks, Jesus told us.
In Philippians 4:8, Paul tells us to think about whatever things are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely…if there is anything of good repute, if there is excellence, or anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
That’s a pretty good filter both for what we take in and for what we dish out.
Gossip can include passing on a scandalous news story that you haven’t verified—or one that you have verified but simply isn’t necessary. It can include divulging private matters that someone entrusted to you in confidence—and in such cases, it’s a breech of trust that can not only hurt the person you’re speaking about, but it can also do lasting damage to your relationship. And the person you shared that juicy morsel with—how likely are they to trust you in the future? They already know that you talked about your other friend behind her back.
Searching Our Hearts
Here are some questions we can ask ourselves to keep our hearts and our tongues in check. These are borrowed from a recent podcast episode on gossip by Marci Farrell, at Thankful Homemaker:
Questions to ask yourself:
Is it time to say this?
Am I the right person to say this?
Is it necessary? (Will it really help/give grace?)
Is it kind?
Is it true?
A question I would add is this:
Why do I want to share this? Am I making myself feel or look better by sharing someone else’s shame?
How can I speak graciously and honestly about this person without divulging things that ought to remain private?
Where to watch out for gossip:
Social media
When seeking counsel
Prayer requests
Sharing conflict
Venting
Caveat: We may need a trusted husband or friend or mentor with which to share the details of our lives and the wrestlings of our hearts—just make sure they are trustworthy and not prone to morbid interest in gossip or to repeating what they hear. I remember sharing something with a friend in college, and her response was, as she assumed, to join me in bashing the other person. But that wasn’t what I was doing, nor was it what I wanted from her. She demonstrated that she was not a godly, trustworthy friend. A good and godly friend will sympathize with you without taking on an ungodly attitude on your behalf. Look for that in a friend, and seek to be that kind of friend for others.
Here are two other caveats that we can’t go into detail on today, but that I’d still like to briefly state:
1) There’s a difference between a hard word and a harsh word. We can’t control how someone will respond when we bring a needed reproof (a hard word). But we can control how we deliver it—by being gracious rather than harsh.
A gentle answer turns away wrath, But a harsh word stirs up anger.
Proverbs 15:1
2) There’s also a big difference between everyday wise restraint of our speech and reporting a crime. Talk to the wise older women and leaders in your church for help knowing when it is time to speak up and get help. If there’s real danger, please reach out to someone who can help.
Gracious Words Build Up Children
To bring this all home, I want to illustrate the deep impact our words can have. Let’s think for a moment about our long-ago pioneer woman. Let’s imagine that her family lives out on the plains where their nearest neighbors are 50, maybe 100 miles away, back in a time when that kind of journey would take a couple days. Her husband and her children would be the only people around on a daily basis. And that means that the words she spoke to them would make up just about all that they heard from anyone. There would be no video or audio recordings. No telephones. No one else to speak words of life to her husband and children. What if she spoke bitterly and sarcastically toward her husband and impatiently and critically toward her children? What if she filed all of her complaints against her husband to the children? And what if she did them same when reporting on the children to their father?
The man and the children might try to encourage each other, but what has mama contributed to their hearts and minds? What atmosphere has she created in her home?
We have so many entertainments and noisy diversions today that we might imagine that the impact of our words is less critical than in bygone days (but it’s not). And with all of our personalized distractions, it’s possible to hurt others by our lack of speech: completely ignoring the people in our homes, each of us more attached to a device or screen than we are to one another. We can do harm both by destructive words and by checking out.
Children not only learn to talk from their parents, they also build their inner script off of what they hear from their parents. I believe it was Sally Clarkson who first made me aware of this particular power of mothers. We set the tone for our children’s hearts and minds, fueling their inner dialog, or what some call “self-talk.” I’ve seen this work out beautifully. My pastor and his wife have some incredibly joyful daughters. I can see so much of their mother’s words and attitudes in them. But I also have a friend whose mother spoke words of poison into her soul. And the impact has been disastrous, wreaking havoc in my friend’s life ten, twenty years into adulthood. There are very real and long-lasting consequences to the words we speak in our homes.
It’s not that we can’t, by the grace of God, overcome the difficult and sometimes downright devilish words that have been spoken around us or to us or about us. By God’s grace and the power of His Spirit, we can put off the old and put on the new, we can fill our hearts and minds with Scripture, turn our thoughts to what God says is true, be nourished by friends and mentors who speak God’s truth over us. But isn’t it better, if it is in our power, especially if we are mothers, to lay that kind of foundation for our families in the first place?
Reading the bible to the children, helping them memorize scripture, singing songs and hymns, telling good, heroic stories, calming them when they’re scared, teaching them to turn their thoughts to what is true and good, praying with them, lovingly teaching them all the practical skills of everyday life, calmly disciplining and then redirecting them when they misbehave…
Our attitudes and words in all of these activities make up the air that our children breathe.
Gracious Words Build Up Husbands
And this is true for anyone we share our home with, including our husbands, if we’re married. Our words to our husbands either strengthen our relationship, put it on ice, or tear it down. What are you doing in your words to your husband? Typically, a wife’s opinion and treatment of her husband matters to him more than what anyone else thinks of him or says to him. Use that power for good. Build him up with gracious, encouraging words. Thank him for what he does for your family—both at work and at home. If he plays with the children, encourage and celebrate it. Remind him why you fell for him in the first place and tell him what you still love about him today. Like the pioneer husband on the plains, he won’t get that kind of encouragement from anyone else but you—and he shouldn’t.
Whomever you live with or near—a roommate or sibling, a neighbor down the street or down the hall—what impact can your gracious words have on them? For their good and for the sake of the gospel of Jesus? Let’s align our hearts with God’s truth and use our words to proclaim and show forth His goodness to those around us—in our homes, in our churches, and wherever else we may go.
God, in the beginning, You spoke and created all things. And you said that it was all GOOD. Only You have true words of life, so help us to run to You, to cling to Your life-giving Word. And Father, please put Your Word into our hearts and minds, and may it also pour out of us into the lives of others, that our words would be in line with Your words, Your truth, Your goodness. May the teaching of kindness be on our lips. Amen.
Have you read all three posts in this series? What has spoken to your heart when it comes to living out Godly Wisdom, Good Works, and Gracious Words? Have you prayerfully put any of this into practice?
The following article and the other two in this series are talks that I gave at a women’s retreat in my area. The theme was “Pioneer Women”, and the scriptures were chosen for me. It was a fruitful exercise for me and a delight to get to share some insights from God’s word with the lovely ladies who gathered to hear it. I hope you’ll find it to be an encouragement to you, as well. Building on the foundation of Godly Wisdom, this second article discusses a Christian woman’s Good Works, and the third article focuses on the Gracious Words that ought to flow from hearts that have been redeemed by the love of God through the gospel of Jesus Christ.
In Part One we covered how Godly Wisdom can help us build up our homes and people. Now we’re going to look more specifically at how that Godly Wisdom produces a life of Good Works.
First we’ll discover from our passage that modesty and Good Works flow from the same heart.
Then we’ll look at examples of Good Works and consider how they might look different in different seasons in our life.
And then I have a poem to share with you.
Getting Dressed in … Good Works
Our world puts a lot of emphasis on outward beauty, and we all have likely felt the pressure to keep up. There’s an endless supply of makeup and beauty products from companies that are eager to play on your insecurities as a business strategy. Fast fashion provides an endless supply of clothing and accessories, cheaply made, and changing from season to season so that you’ll always fall behind.
These influences can promote insecurity about who we are, competition with others, and the temptation to exalt ourselves to keep up. While it’s good to care for your body and your physical appearance, it’s not good to sell your soul to do so, or to crowd out things that are far more important.
To that point, let’s take a look at 1 Timothy 2:9-10:
Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.
The apostle Paul calls us to wear proper clothing, but even more so he calls us to adorn ourselves with good works!
Modesty is part of the context of our passage, so I want to give you something you can take home on the subject—and you might be surprised that it actually relates to our topic of good works. The Greek word translated “modestly” or “with modesty” in many of our English translations means “shame.” But it’s not the wallowing, debilitating kind. In fact, in the only other place it’s used in the New Testament, it’s translated “awe” toward God. So this is a shame that doesn’t get stuck feeling bad about oneself but rather sees the importance of something outside itself. It’s a kind of shame that goes hand in hand with honor.
God is worthy of honor, so I would be ashamed to do something or wear something that would dishonor Him. The people around me are worthy of honor, so I would be ashamed to do or wear something that would in some way harm or dishonor them. My body, which God has made, is worthy of honor, so I would be ashamed to wear something or behave in a way that treats it as though it’s cheap.
When we know what is truly valuable, we order our lives to reflect it. When we see God for who He is, the most other, the most holy, the most powerful, loving, just, merciful, and good—worthy of all praise and adoration; when we see that this amazing God sent His own Son to die so that we could live; when we see that our sin and shame was nailed to the cross and Jesus’ righteousness has been credited to our account—then our tendency to want to exalt ourselves by what we wear or do melts away. That’s where a truly modest heart comes from. And that’s what drives both our manner of dress and what we choose to do with the time and energy we are given.
Our primary focus is not on showing off our wealth or our bodies or even our self-righteousness. Our primary focus is on honoring God and others by what we wear and even more so by what we do.
What Good Works?
So if we have clothed ourselves first with godly wisdom, which in this case means a heart that values God supremely and that sees the value of others and wants to honor them, how then do we clothe ourselves in good works? What can that look like?
1 Tim. 5:9-10 gives a list of good works that were to make up an older widow’s reputation if she was to be assisted by the church. What kind of works were listed there?
Bringing up children — Don’t forget that your care for your children is not just a good work, it is one of the greatest works of your life. Devote yourself to doing it well. Those of you that work with children, whether you have any of your own—nurturing and caring for them, teaching them and pointing them to Jesus—that is a good work. If you give to support the work of ministries who care for children, who care for women facing a surprise pregnancy, who help the foster or adoptive parent community. These are all good works.
Showing hospitality to strangers — In the ancient world, this often meant welcoming a traveler into your home, providing every comfort and sustenance for their stay and helping them on their way when it was time to leave. When we open our homes to others, it has the potential to nourish them spiritually, physically, emotionally—in just about every way.
So look for and invest in those opportunities the Lord brings to show hospitality: whether it’s having people into your home to share your food and your life with them, or cooking food for a potluck at church enabling a longer and more intimate time of fellowship on a Sunday afternoon, having someone live with you while they’re between jobs or housing options, or throwing a graduation party, bridal shower, baby shower, charitable bake sale, you name it.
By this work of provision and hosting, we women have the ability to deeply impact our families, our churches, and our broader communities, bidding them each to taste and see that the Lord is good and that fellowship among His people is sweet. That the grace that saves us is also a grace that changes us. It is amazing how God uses the love of Christians for one another to draw people to trust in Jesus.
Washing the feet of the saints — This is about serving in lowly ways. Feet get dirty. And they especially got dirty back in Bible times. Do you think certain acts of service are beneath you? Or are you willing to stoop down and do the work that must be done, whatever it is? Cleaning toilets. Changing diapers. Staying up with a toddler until they’re done throwing up the last bite of supper. Staying up through the night praying with a friend until she’s willing to flush that last joint. Pet sitting for a neighbor when you’re not a pet person, but her husband is in the hospital, so of course you say yes. These moments are not glamorous. They’re not fun. They may not line up with your gifts. And they won’t make it on your resume. But God sees. And He delights in and works through such sacrifices when they are offered to Him in faith.
Assisting those in distress — James tells us that part of true religion is visiting orphans and widows in their distress. The focus here is not just on the material need; it’s about those who are suffering alone: widows, orphans. Loneliness is a very real problem today, even in our supposedly connected modern world. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is simply show up. On an average Tuesday afternoon. Or in the hospital. At the funeral. With a card or flowers a year later at the anniversary of a loss. At their home with a warm meal or cup of coffee and an offer to listen.
This is where today’s hustle culture can really lead us astray. Chasing our dreams with no concern for the needs of those around us means we likely don’t even see them. And if we do, we excuse ourselves. We don’t have time. We’re too busy getting ahead.
But true religion sees and seeks to meet needs.
Good Works Go Both Ways
Now, I want to tell you a story that demonstrates how good works don’t always have to go in one direction.
Almost two years ago there was a godly older man in our church whose wife was dying of cancer. A storm had downed a lot of limbs in his yard, but he didn’t have the time or energy to handle it in that season—especially not by himself. My husband Nathaniel organized a group of men from church to show up on a Saturday to cut and haul and burn until his yard was cleared.
Several months later, after his wife went home to be with the Lord, Nathaniel broke his hand. There was a lot of work to do on our property, and he was discouraged about it. So, I planned a surprise work day party for his 40th birthday, inviting friends from church to come help us clear brush and get our garden ready for the season. And you know who was the first person to show up that day, chainsaw in hand, ready to serve? The very same man my husband had helped several months before.
Sisters, that’s what it looks like when the church behaves like a family. Or like an old-time community on the frontier, where neighbors help each other. It’s just what they do. There’s not one class of people doing good works all the time with another class of people always on the receiving end. We each serve when we’re able and how we’re able. And we receive with gratitude when we’re the ones in need.
Part of making this kind of thing happen, though, is being vulnerable enough to share our needs with others so that we give them the opportunity to joyfully meet them in the name of Jesus.
There’s a particular need that my husband and I have noticed in recent years. There are a lot of young people, and even some approaching middle age, whose parents never taught them how to do basic life skills. They need someone to step in and provide for them the kind of life training that they didn’t receive growing up. If your parents taught you a handful of life skills and you’ve been on your own or caring for a family for a decade or more, you probably take your skills for granted. You don’t have to be a homesteader and make sourdough to have something to offer. The skills you’ve gained over the years are incredibly valuable, and there are people who need to learn from what you know.
Aside from the obvious home skills, what other skills do you have that could bless the people around you? In your church? In your place of work? The point here is not to zero in on any one set of skills, but to see what you have to offer that meets the needs of the people around you.
Good Works, Different Seasons
It’s cliché but true: We can’t all do everything, but we all can do something.
Sometimes we’re in a season of expansion—where we find we are capable of taking on more responsibility, more good work out there. Other times, we find ourselves in a season of pulling back, focusing on the essentials—or even being more on the receiving end of other people’s good works and service on our behalf. There is no shame in any of these seasons. If you can’t give much right now, if you are doing a lot more receiving than giving—then do so graciously. Give thanks. Don’t let feelings of guilt crowd out your ability to rejoice in the good work God is doing through others while you receive it or watch from the sidelines. And don’t forget that your prayers are a very important part of the work of the kingdom.
If this message finds you in a season of overwhelm, where you’re thinking, this all sounds nice, but I’m swamped, maxed-out, worn out… let me encourage you that the Christian life isn’t about doing more. Some may need a nudge to get moving, maybe you don’t.
At the next opportunity, I encourage you to step outside. To take a moment to pause. Take some deep breaths, and look around you at this incredible world that God has made. A world that He keeps spinning. A whole big world that doesn’t depend upon you. You don’t have to carry the weight of the world. God’s got that covered.
Soak up what God has made—the birds of the air, offering up their songs to the Lord and to our ears for our enjoyment; the trees and flowers in bloom, filling our view with dazzling colors. And consider. God cares for each of these. And He cares for you, too.
In all your busyness, in all your responsibilities, in all your overwhelm, don’t forget your Heavenly Father’s tender care for you—and cast your cares on Him. Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. God cares and provides for His people. And the work that has you so bogged down right now may produce fruit in due season—if you do not lose heart. Do not grow weary in doing good.
For your reflection:
What are the good works that God is calling you to do right now? Are there things to add?
Is there anything on your plate right now that doesn’t belong there? That is either too much or all about exalting yourself? Or is it simply a distraction from the good work that you know God has called you to?
Are there good things that you are already doing, but you’re grumbling as you do them? Can you see with the eyes of faith that the work set before you is GOOD and therefore, it’s worth doing it cheerfully?
I’d like to leave you with a poem that Elisabeth Elliot often shared in her writing and teaching. “Do the next thing” may sound like just another modern, over-simplified, get-er-done mantra. But in the context of the poem and a life lived to the glory of God, it is much more: a call to live out our faith in Christ through surrendering to God in each task He sets before us, casting our cares on Him each step of the way.
DO THE NEXT THING
From an old English parsonage down by the sea There came in the twilight a message to me; Its quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven, Hath, it seems to me, teaching from Heaven. And on through the doors the quiet words ring Like a low inspiration: “DO THE NEXT THING.”
Many a questioning, many a fear, Many a doubt, hath its quieting here. Moment by moment, let down from Heaven, Time, opportunity, and guidance are given. Fear not tomorrows, child of the King, Trust them with Jesus, do the next thing
Do it immediately, do it with prayer; Do it reliantly, casting all care; Do it with reverence, tracing His hand Who placed it before thee with earnest command. Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing, Leave all results, do the next thing.
Looking for Jesus, ever serener, Working or suffering, be thy demeanor; In His dear presence, the rest of His calm, The light of His countenance be thy psalm, Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing. Then, as He beckons thee, do the next thing.
But Rather By Means of Good Works
Being a wise and godly woman involves more than just donning the right outfit. Putting on a cotton prairie dress and some makeup can change your appearance, and that’s fine, but it doesn’t change your heart or get the work done for you.
Please don’t let the algorithm or someone else’s business model determine who you are, how you dress, and what you do. Stay rooted in God’s word, dressing in a way that fits your profession of faith (and your daily activity!), and devoted to walking in the good works that God has prepared for you (1 Tim. 5:10 & Eph. 2:10).
Dear Father,
Help us to be women who are willing to roll up our sleeves, to step into the messes of life to lend a helping hand to our brothers and sisters in need. Help us to not be afraid to get dirty, having the heart of a true servant, like our Lord Jesus who stooped down to wash the feet of His disciples and to heal those who were sick or unclean.
May we see all of our work—in our homes, in our jobs or studies, in Your church, in our local communities, and even reaching to other nations—may we see all of it as an opportunity to serve others and adorn the gospel, the message of good news that while we were sinners, utterly lost in our rebellion, hopeless to gain salvation by our own works—that You, Jesus, lived that perfect life that pleases God, that You died on the cross as a payment for our sins, so that simply by placing our faith and hope in You, Jesus, we could be forgiven and gain full acceptance into Your family.
Help us to trust in You, Jesus, to see our sin and need for salvation, that no amount of our own good works can save us. But may we also see Your incredible love for us and Your offer of forgiveness and the hope of eternal life. May we do good works because You have done the ultimate work, and it is finished. May we rest in grace and labor in love. It’s in Your sweet name, Jesus, that we pray. Amen.
The following article and the two that follow it are talks that I gave at a women’s retreat in my area. The theme was “Pioneer Women”, and the scriptures were chosen for me. So you could say I was writing and speaking to a prompt, which was a new and fun challenge. It was a fruitful exercise for me and a delight to get to share some insights from God’s word with the lovely ladies who gathered to hear it. I hope you’ll find it to be an encouragement to you, as well. This first article discusses a Christian woman’s Godly Wisdom, and the two following articles flow from that, digging deeper into the Good Works and Gracious Words that ought to flow from hearts that have been redeemed by the love of God through the gospel of Jesus Christ.
I’m not a pioneer woman. Although we live on seven acres, homeschool, make most of our food from scratch, and tend a large garden, we don’t have animals [yet], and we live close enough to town that lately I end up going there for activities and errands most days of the week, so I wouldn’t call myself a homesteader and certainly not a pioneer woman.
But I know someone who fits the description pretty well. In fact, I have used Proverbs 14:1, our passage for today, about this friend of mine, because she has been literally building her house along with her husband, debt free on a teacher’s salary up in north central Arkansas with lumber they milled themselves right there on the family land. They’ve also got a cow and chickens and goats and cats, she makes her own kombucha, and they’re homeschooling the oldest few of their five young children. They’re really doing it. And it’s kinda crazy and truly inspiring. We go up to visit them every summer to pitch in, and it’s a blast.
We’re not all going to live that kind of lifestyle, but I think we can all recognize the incredible spunk and resourcefulness, patience and intention that go into that kind of undertaking. So in this article we’re going to explore how we can apply some of those same pioneer woman qualities in our own context.
First, we’ll cover Proverbs 14:1 looking at what Godly Wisdom is and does.
Then, we’ll see how our passage lays only two options before us. And I’ll give you five habits of a wise woman that can help you think through your own situation.
Finally, I’ll tell you about the great recognition that might just change the way you think about your home life.
What Godly Wisdom Is and Does
Our first scripture for today reminds us of the power and influence we have over our household. How we show up at home matters today as much as it did in times past.
Here’s Proverbs 14:1:
The wise woman builds her house, But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.
In the broader context of Proverbs, this verse simply continues the contrast between wisdom and folly. The wise do this, and the foolish do that. Lady wisdom, as the idea of wisdom is often personified, does something positive, while Lady folly, her foolish counterpart, does something negative, sometimes with disastrous consequences.
Lady wisdom, or that wise woman of Proverbs, builds her house. But before we talk about building, we probably ought to understand what it means to be wise according to the Bible.
What is wisdom? In God’s word, wisdom carries both the idea of understanding what is good and right and best before God AND choosing or doing what is good and right and best in our own given situation. All of our practical wisdom can develop freely and in many creative directions if we first submit our hearts and minds to God, reverently loving what He loves and hating what He hates.
To give us some idea of what wisdom looks like in practice, here are some examples of what wisdom does:
Wisdom fears the Lord.
Wisdom seeks for knowledge and understanding rather than waiting around for it.
Wisdom pays attention.
Wisdom sees needs in advance and plans to meet them in a timely manner.
Wisdom sees harm in advance and prepares to avoid or endure it well.
Wisdom chooses the truth over the half truth or lies, the good over the bad, the effective over the ineffective (but also creative beauty over mere efficiency), to build rather than to destroy, to work with excellence rather than sloppiness (but it also prefers good enough and done over paralyzing perfectionism).
Wisdom considers all of the moving pieces of a household, whether people, animals, plants, or inanimate objects, and seeks to manage them well and for the health and flourishing of each member.
Wisdom speaks skillfully and with kindness; and is quiet when necessary, too.
James 3:13-18 gives us a good description of godly wisdom in contrast to worldly wisdom:
Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
The negative traits that James lists give us a picture of the kind of woman who might tear down her household or those around her: “bitter jealousy” “selfish ambition” “arrogance” “lies” “disorder” “hypocrisy”.
Are those things that you bring to your home? Or does your presence in your home bring with it “gentleness” “understanding” “good behavior” “purity” “peace” “reasonableness” “mercy” “good fruits” “righteousness”?
We don’t accidentally produce good fruit. We grow in godly wisdom and the fruit of the Spirit by depending upon the Lord, anchoring ourselves in His word, and practicing what we’re learning—with a lot of confession and repentance and resting in Jesus’ along the way when we get it wrong.
Only Two Options
Proverbs 14:1 paints a picture of only two options: a wise woman who actively builds up her household; and a foolish woman who actively tears it down. There is no neutral third party. Either you contribute to the good of your household, or you work toward its destruction by your complacency.
Now, I’m not talking about being a perfectionist, but I am talking about being faithful to do what you can. Proverbs warns us that “The lazy man is brother to him who destroys.”
Think about it: If you simply ignore the dust bunnies, will they go away or get bigger? Do your floors clean themselves? Does the clutter go away if you ignore it? No, all of these get worse with time and use. We can tear our house down by our neglect. (I’m learning now just how important maintenance is—for our homes and possessions and our aging bodies. Maintenance is required!) We’d like to be able to just ignore it all and do whatever new thing peaks our interest, but that’s not the way this sin-cursed world works. Things tend toward entropy. Toward falling apart and breaking down.
If we are merely indifferent toward our responsibilities to care for, to steward, the good things God has graciously given us, then we are actuallycontributing toward their destruction.
Think about how this works in relationships. If your husband or sibling or roommate always responded to you with blank looks and a mopey attitude, would you feel like they were close to you, or would you feel like they were moving away from you? Like maybe they had something against you? If we are not actively investing in the people in our lives—by looking them in the eyes, smiling at them, and engaging with them with interest and real concern, we are actually tearing down our relationships by our lack of investing in them. It’s been said that the opposite of love is not hate but rather indifference. Watch out that indifference doesn’t creep into your relationships.
Weather we’re talking about seeds in the garden or relationships in our home, if we don’t water it, it’s not gonna grow, and it might just die.
Five Habits of a Wise Woman
So, how can we be wise and intentional builders rather than foolish and negligent destroyers? How do we translate the idea-level wisdom of Scripture into a boots-on-the-ground wisdom that builds up our homes and people? Well, we need to first understand that wisdom discerns what best honors God and serves people in a real time and place. So there isn’t a cookie-cutter answer. But we can learn how to prayerfully think through our own situation and season of life.
To that end, here are FIVE habits of a wise woman that can help us to be builders in our homes. We need to PRIORITIZE, or put first things first, ATTEND to those things that are our priorities, IMAGINE what is possible for our homes and people, ESTABLISH rhythms or routines to help us follow through on our intentions, and ACQUIRE the skills necessary to do our duties and love our people well. If you have paper or a notebook handy, write down each habit and answer the questions or prompts listed under each.
PRIORITIZE
The commands and examples of scripture call us to prioritize home as the first place of ministry and as the place from which we can do good works for the glory of God beyond our front door. Remember that godly wisdom isn’t hypocritical. We ought to be practicing Christian virtue and service at home—where only our families or roommates—or maybe even only God—sees how we live.
So. —Who and what are you responsible for? List everything that comes to mind.
Circle those people and things that you are most responsible for before God. Think of where you live. An apartment? House? Assisted living? Think of who you live with or who is nearby.
If you wear the title “wife” or “mom” then you are irreplaceable in those roles. Make sure you show up for them first and always. If you are the only daughter of your parents, or you siblings’ only sister, know that you are irreplaceable in those relationships, too.
ATTEND
See your home and see your people—give your attention to each. It’s said about that Proverbs 31 woman that “She looks well to the ways of her household.” Look and really see both the people and the things around you. And write them down.
List what each one needs from you. Then circle those things that would make the most difference for them if you did them.
You can’t do everything. So evaluating and prioritizing are things we have to do again and again. When we have to do it on the fly, I call it triage. And I’ve been doing it a LOT lately since we’re into our second month of a home remodel project along with track season for the boys and a host of other projects.
The constant question isn’t how can I get it all done—instead it’s what can I not afford to leave undone? Some days or weeks that will be a task or project or something with a deadline; other times, it’s a conversation or other investment in a relationship that is timely and simply cannot wait.
Attend to yourself: The woman sets the tone of the household–your emotions are the thermostat. Are you heating things up? Are you cold toward others? Or are you pleasantly warm or cool to meet the needs in your home?
Do the members of your home need more hugs? How can you show appropriate physical affection? A hand on the shoulder to encourage a friend or roommate. Hugging your kids. When they get on your nerves, give them a hug rather than running away from them. It will probably calm you both down.
This is also a great opportunity to make plans to encourage the people in your home. Don’t leave this to chance. Take a quiet moment to think about who they are and what they do—and how you can praise and thank them for what they do well.
It’s hard to obey the command to consider the needs of others if you aren’t even aware of them. So start paying attention.
IMAGINE the good that is possible
It might be surprising to hear that cultivating imagination can help you live out your faith and build up your home and family. But the more our culture breaks ties between one generation and the generation that came before it, the more we are left in the dark about how godly women have done this job well in past ages. We lose touch with history and traditional skills and biblical family dynamics. And our TV and movies don’t usually give us pictures of these things—or if they do, they don’t often hold them up with dignity and encouragement.
Perhaps even more disturbing, with screens replacing face-to-face human interaction, we as a society are losing touch with the basic skills and manners that nourish relationships. We need instruction and imagination to think ahead about how to prefer others in social settings, or to understand what another person might be going through. I’ll just straight up tell you, that I’ve had to learn and grow a lot in that department over the years.
Read Christian books on homemaking—whether you work outside of the home or not, whether you’re married or single. They can inspire you—because making our homes a more enjoyable place to live and to share with others is a wonderful way to imitate God in His creative and sustaining work. Books by Sally Clarkson are a great place to start (I’ve enjoyed The Life Giving Home more than once).
What would make your home just a little more beautiful? Don’t break the bank—it can be a bunch of wildflowers collected from the side of the road that you put in a drinking glass on your desk or the kitchen table. What small touch can you add that will show yourself and others that you care for the space?
ESTABLISH rhythms of work and rest, fellowship and availability and solitude
If we’ve set our priorities and identified real needs, we ought to be intentional about making space for them in our schedule.
Is God’s word a part of your routine? Do you share that with the members of your household? Do you pray with them? For them? To build them up in the faith?
Meal times can be a great opportunity to attach bible reading to something that already happens during your day.
What would it take to make regular family meals a reality in your home if it isn’t already? Or, if you’re ready to level up, to have someone over for dinner once a week?
Do you plan times of rest into your days and weeks? Do you make space for screen-free family or roommate time where the focus is on each other and not on digital media?
Pick one or two building actions that you want to put into place this week—and choose ahead of time when you will do them. Establish a routine.
ACQUIRE skills and tools
As you are attending to your home and your people, you’ll probably start to notice that there are things that don’t come naturally, areas where you need a lot of growth or don’t know exactly what to do. That’s ok! Get started anyway. But take notes on what skills or tools you need to add to your tool box. What are they? Write them down! Seek out both physical skills and social graces. Look around at your sisters in Christ who do any of these things well. Imitate them or ask them to teach you.
The Great Recognition:
GOD IS A MEMBER OF YOUR HOUSEHOLD—This may be most notable for those who live alone.
If you live alone, who is there with your thoughts and actions? You and God. Are you building each of them up? Do your words to yourself ring true—do they build you up in the faith? Or do they tear you down? Are your thoughts about yourself and others always critical, echoing the voice of the accuser? Or are you renewing your mind with God’s word?
Are your thoughts about God and your prayers to Him what they ought to be? God deserves our praise, even more than the people who may live in our homes need our encouragement. Do we recognize that God is with us? As the central figure in our home? How does the goal of building your house change when you consider that, if you are a believer in Jesus, He is there with you in the quietness of your home? Do you “build up” your thoughts of God with the truth of Scripture?
Now God is so big and self-sustaining that He doesn’t need anything from us. But He desires our childlike trust, our responsive love, and our sincere thanks and adoration for all He is and all He has done for us. And He invites us to join Him in the work that He’s doing in the world.
So as you consider building up the people in your home, please do not forget that God is a part of your household. That your relationship with Jesus and your thoughts of Him, as well as those of everyone else in your home, need to be built up, too.
Bringing It Home
The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands. We need godly wisdom that fears the Lord, ordering all of our loves and actions under His Lordship and authority and putting to use all that God has given us to point to the grace of God in Christ Jesus.
Please don’t underestimate the power of a warm home and a healthy, loving family in this kingdom-building work. So many people are coming from broken homes and broken situations. Nothing out there in the world can replace the home they should have had. But our homes, surrendered to the Lord and made welcoming for people, can be a place of love and warmth that points others to the love of God.
So, like the strong, resourceful pioneer women, with a prayer and a plan, let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work.
How do you plan to build up your people and your home this week?
I’ve been mulling over ideas for a word of the year for 2025. In past years, I’ve chosen “faithfulness” (multiple times!), “abundance”, and “give”, among others. I often choose a word in line with something the Lord has been bringing to my attention—an area that needs growth or greater attention or application. This year is no different.
Since before Christmas break, I’ve been dealing with pain in many of my joints, including an injury to one of my knees and occasional tweaking and pain in the other. I like to say that my knees are usually quite polite and take turns bothering me, but this time they’ve both revolted at the same time. Since I usually ignore low-level aches and pains, perhaps such drastic measures were necessary in order for me to get the message.
I’m beginning to (maybe, finally) recognize the importance of not overextending myself.
The knee woes began after a “pilates” class that I tried for the first time. It was much faster and more jumpy than you’d think a pilates class ought to be, and though I tried to adapt the crazy-fast cardio movements to fit what I was prepared for that day, I seem to have gotten hurt anyway. The pain and swelling increased over the following days, and the clicking as I walked up and down the stairs turned into pain enough to make me wish we could install an elevator.
If I’m honest, though, the reality is that overextending myself is an issue primarily because I tend to neglect the smaller, more foundational exercises that are needed for strength and stability. Most notable among these are the physical therapy exercises I’ve been assigned over the years to strengthen the muscles around my knees and shoulders, stretch out the tight IT band, neck, and limbs, and coordinate and build core strength and pelvic floor stability. All of these things work together to promote physical stability and readiness for whatever physical obstacles lay just ahead. And despite what my former-competitive-athlete self with her go-big-or-go-home mentality may still try to tell me, these small but effective exercises aren’t silly little nothings. They’re worth doing and sticking with long-term, beyond the necessary injury-recovery stage.
With all of that on my mind in December, it shouldn’t be too surprising what word I’ve chosen for 2025: STABILITY.
When the pain in my knee made walking difficult, I had to acknowledge that basic maintenance deserves more of my attention than I had been giving it. I have to invest in those things that create the most basic, most fundamental level of stability—so that I can rely on that firm footing for all kinds of other activities and pursuits. Ready to move. Ready to act. Ready to serve. Ready to stand against external pressures.
When life gets busy, it’s easy to imagine that you should throw all of your energy into the new and exciting and sometimes trying “exercises” that pop up on the schedule. But there’s real wisdom in recognizing that those strenuous events that test our strength and stamina are worth preparing for by spending some of our energy building up those “simple” and “boring” things which are foundational to all the rest.
I love word studies, so naturally I had to spend some time digging into the word I’ve chosen for the year. Here’s a definition of stability from Merriam-Webster.com:
: the quality, state, or degree of being stable: such as a: the strength to stand or endure : firmness b: the property of a body that causes it when disturbed from a condition of equilibrium or steady motion to develop forces or moments that restore the original condition c: resistance to chemical change or to physical disintegration
Just to flesh this out some more, here’s the definition of stable, as well:
1 a: firmly established : fixed, steadfast stable opinions b: not changing or fluctuating : unvarying in stable condition c: permanent, enduring stable civilizations 2 a: steady in purpose : firm in resolution b: not subject to insecurity or emotional illness : sane, rational a stable personality 3 a(1): placed so as to resist forces tending to cause motion or change of motion (2): designed so as to develop forces that restore the original condition when disturbed from a condition of equilibrium or steady motion b(1): not readily altering in chemical makeup or physical state stable emulsions (2): not spontaneously radioactive
I may not be too concerned with radioactivity, but I think I get the idea. I want to work toward a place of steadfastness and resilience, soundness of body, mind, and spirit, prepared for whatever work the Lord has set before me and also prepared to stand strong even when battered by the winds and waves of life—physical or otherwise.
Here are some scriptures I’ll be meditating on related to this theme:
How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked, Nor stand in the path of sinners, Nor sit in the seat of scoffers! 2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord, And in His law he meditates day and night. 3 He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water, Which yields its fruit in its season And its leaf does not wither; And in whatever he does, he prospers.
Psalm 1:1-3
All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. 12 Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.
Hebrews 12:11-13
Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.
1 Cor. 15:58
Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, 8 being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.
James 1:2-8
My soul, wait in silence for God only, For my hope is from Him. 6 He only is my rock and my salvation, My stronghold; I shall not be shaken. 7 On God my salvation and my glory rest; The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.
Psalm 62:5-7
Related to that last Psalm, here is a song that I have enjoyed for many years:
In this new year, as I’m working toward healing by building physical stability in my legs and core, I want to meditate on what that looks like in all areas of life: spiritually, financially, in my homemaking, etc. There are a lot of ways in which my responsibilities and opportunities (for speaking, teaching, etc) are expanding, and that’s exciting. But I can’t afford to neglect those things that are most foundational, most essential—those things that build real stability for all of life.
I’m seeking to apply myself to physical therapy and adequate rest to build stability in my knees, as well as committed to a bible reading plan for 2025, but I’m also giving attention to home routines and organization so that the most basic systems that support our family’s daily life and all of our coming and going are up and running smoothly. And I want to watch my mental habits so that my thoughts and emotions are firmly rooted in the word of God and in quiet trust that He is good and in control.
I’d also like to work on stabilizing my blood sugar and losing weight, but I’m still considering what that needs to look like. (Please send help.)
So much of this comes down to habits. The little things that add up over time to build stability in every part of life. It’s basically faithfulness in the little things, with a focus on building strength and resilience. That’s the kind of stability I’m aiming for.
Do you have a word of the year for 2025? I’d love to hear about it! Share yours in the comments below!
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“I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.”
Philippians 4:13 is an oft-quoted bible verse. Here’s what people often mean by it:
“I can win at sports because Jesus gives me strength!”
“I can stand up to the bully through Christ who strengthens me!”
It’s like a meme that pre-dated the internet.
But the context of this beloved verse, as some of you well know, doesn’t lend itself to the kind of blank check that ‘90s Christian T-shirt manufacturers would like you to believe.
The apostle Paul isn’t facing giants, he’s practicing contentment. Here’s the verse in context:
10 But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly, that now at last you have revived your concern for me; indeed, you were concerned before, but you lacked opportunity. 11 Not that I speak from want, for I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am. 12 I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. 13 I can do all things through Him who strengthens me. 14 Nevertheless, you have done well to share with me in my affliction.
Paul wrote this section of his letter to the Philippians to thank them for sending a gift to help meet his needs, to support him in his ministry. But he wants them to know that he’s more thankful for their hearts than for the gift itself. He’s learned to be content, whether “being filled or going hungry, …having abundance and suffering need.”
Here in the wealthy West, we might need to stop and really consider what that meant for the apostle Paul. For reference, he shares some of his resume in 2 Corinthians 4:7-18.
Paul didn’t learn contentment by sitting in a comfy chair, sipping a latte, and meditating on the idea of it. He learned contentment through trials and practice. The apostle James shares the same principle in his epistle:
Consider it joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect work…
So how do we, in a world full of modern conveniences and comforts, grow in contentment?
Getaways are great, but real contentment will follow us back into the fray.
To be content means to be satisfied, happy, or pleased with what you have. So at the most basic level, we can learn contentment by stopping to recognize what we have—and that it has been graciously given to us by a good God.
When times are good, look around and give thanks for the Lord’s provision. When times are bad, do the same. It might be harder, but there is always something for which we can give thanks. Even if you have to start with the fact that you’re alive.
Sometimes it’s easier to practice this when things are either extraordinarily good or extraordinarily bad. It can be harder to recognize the goodness of God in our everyday mundane lives as we simply go with the flow and try to keep up with the pace of life. This is why, in any season, it is worthwhile to sit down and look around you. Take it in. And give thanks. Audibly, in a journal, expressed towards God and towards others: Give thanks.
Learning Contentment through Trials
Sometimes the Lord provides ample opportunity to grow in contentment through the trials we experience. Going through some really hard trials at the turn of the year has made some of our more recent challenges both harder and yet also easier to face. While we’re somewhat blindsided by each one that comes up, we’re also at least somewhat practiced at suffering and looking to the Lord in our need. When the last hard season has hardly even ended and you’re faced with another, it’s a lot. But the endurance muscles are still warm from use. They might be tired, but they at least know the drill.
We don’t automatically get contentment from our trials, however. The Apostle Paul had to “learn” contentment. And James reminded his readers to “consider it joy” when they faced trials. Mere meditation on the sidelines of life isn’t going to produce contentment in us without that contentment being tested in some way. But biblical meditation is essential if those trials are to produce real contentment in the Lord.
This is not and either-or proposition. It’s both-and.
So go ahead and enjoy your coffee as you dig into God’s word, hide it in your heart, and pray for God’s Spirit to empower you to grow in contentment. Just don’t imagine that sitting comfortably with your Bible is the end-game or even all of the means. Welcome God’s invitation to grow in faith, trust, endurance, and contentment with each new trial you face. And bring the Scriptures into your everyday moments, reminding yourself of Truth right in the middle of the challenges you’re facing.
Learning Contentment through Fasting
Even in easier seasons, however, there are practical ways we can grow in contentment. We can “discipline [ourselves] for the sake of godliness.” We don’t have to wait for the trials to come. We don’t have to seek them out, but it can be a good thing to practice dealing with less comfort than we’re used to.
In fact, Jesus expected His followers to do just that. In the Sermon on the Mount, He didn’t say, “If you fast…” He said “When you fast…” (Matt. 6:16-18)
Fasting is one of those spiritual disciplines that we maybe prefer to forget exists. If you’re starting to get uncomfortable, rest assured I’m stepping on my own toes, too.
Christians are not called to deny themselves for the sake of being super religious or having something to boast about (Jesus condemns those motives!). The point is to turn down those things that compete with the Lord and to turn our hunger and our desires toward Him, knowing that He is the One who can really satisfy our souls and meet our deepest needs.
Another purpose in fasting is to express grief or desperation in prayer. If I look around and think that the world is a big hot mess right now, but I keep stuffing my face at all hours like nothing is wrong, am I really concerned about what’s going on or am I just shrugging my shoulders and moving on to my next meal?
It’s hard to eat when you’re grieving. When you’ve lost someone or long for something so deeply that it hurts. Am I willing to make myself uncomfortable [at least some of the time] so that my prayers come with an earnestness that reflects a heart that grieves over a fallen world?
One very practical result of saying “no” to a meal or two is the realization that we can, in fact, survive on less than we usually consume. We can learn to be satisfied with less by the practice of fasting.
Learning Contentment through Putting Others First; “Put off” and “Put on”
Now, short of fasting (or perhaps in addition to fasting), we can look for opportunities to put the needs and desires of others ahead of our own. Do you take the biggest slice of cake or offer it to someone else? Do you rush in for the best seats or look for others you can honor above yourself?
Whether we eat or drink or whatever we do, we ought to do it for the glory of God. (1 Corinthians 10:31) If there’s an area where you can’t bring yourself to say no for a short while, or where you can’t bear the thought of someone getting the better deal, that’s probably an area where you need to learn contentment. Confess it, pray about it, yes. But then “bear fruit in keeping with repentance” (Matthew 3:8).
Roll up your sleeves and give or share in that area rather than simply trying to muster enough willpower to forgo the thing to no real purpose. Look for opportunities to celebrate the good things others have rather than defaulting to envy. And give thanks for what the Lord has given you rather than muttering about what you don’t have. As the Apostle Paul exhorts us in Ephesians chapter 4: “put off” the old and “put on” the new.
Learning Contentment through “Roughing It” a Bit
Aside from direct commands around thanksgiving, fasting, and putting others first, it’s possible and profitable to stretch yourself in other tangible ways. We’re getting into extra-biblical territory here, so take this as an invitation to think creatively about your own situation rather than feeling like you have to copy-and-paste. 😉
My family is into backpacking. We enjoy being out in God’s creation, hiking, and sleeping under the stars. But it isn’t always a walk in the park. And that’s also part of why we do it.
Our lives in the West can be so comfortable and controlled and disconnected from how people have had to live and survive for most of human history. It can be argued that we are weaker for it—physically, mentally, and perhaps even spiritually.
How ready am I for discomfort if I spend everyday of the year in a temperature-controlled box? If all of my furniture is selected to be aesthetically pleasing and super comfy? These are wonderful modern conveniences (for which we should give thanks!), but we do learn from what we live.
How ready am I to kneel down and serve others if I have carefully manicured hair, nails, and everything? If I am not used to getting dirty—ever?
When we go backpacking as a family, we often sit on rocks or the ground. We sleep in hammocks or on mats …on the ground. We hike in the heat. We sleep in the cold. We take care of our business in the woods. We don’t have access to indoor running water for days.
We have to gather and filter our drinking water. Sometimes it tastes great, other times, not so much. We have to bring our own food, so it’s a different kind of fare than we eat at home. We’ve learned first-hand the Proverb that “A sated man loathes honey, But to a famished man any bitter thing is sweet.” (Proverbs 27:7) Because just about any backpacking food tastes amazing after walking ten to fifteen miles in a day.
We don’t know what the future holds for us or for our sons. But we’d like to think that we are preparing our boys to serve the Lord in whatever capacity He calls them to. If they need to hike into the mountains to reach isolated villagers in some foreign country, well, they’ll have at least a little bit of training under their belts.
You may not need to get into backpacking. That’s not the point. But maybe you can find ways to stretch yourself, to step out of your comfort zone.
Go outside on a day when the weather isn’t ideal. Sit on the floor rather than a chair sometimes, if you are able. Walk outside barefoot just to try it out and see if your feet get less sensitive over time. Go for a long walk or do some other kind of exercise that gets your heart rate up.
To kind of flip the script, I would argue that these things are actually good for us beyond just the development of contentment and character. These things are healthy. Our attachment to comfort can rob us of more than just contentment if we don’t take some initiative to step out of our modern boxes and pursue a different path than the usual way-of-least-resistance to which we’re all so accustomed.
Learning Contentment through Christian Biography
If you need some inspiration and perspective, try reading or listening to stories of Christians who have served and suffered for the Lord throughout church history.
When I listened to Faithful Women and their Extraordinary God by Noel Piper earlier this year, I was struck by how believers who knew that persecution was coming, knew that they would be thrown into prison and barely be given enough to survive…these believers began to fast ahead of their suffering. We might think we’d need to “tank up” in order to last longer. But these precious saints wanted to “tank up” in a different way. They wanted to know the nearness of God in their trial before the worst of it came to them. They wanted to be practiced at depending upon the Lord for strength so that they would not give in to their torturers.
Our family backpacking is still just a field trip compared to that.
But this is the kind of perspective we gain when we read the stories of those who have gone before us: a “cloud of witnesses” like in Hebrews 11 who encourage us to run the race with endurance a la Hebrews 12:1-3.
Contentment Isn’t Learned in a Vacuum
Contentment isn’t a static virtue–it moves with us or it isn’t there at all. It doesn’t grow in a vacuum, sequestered away from real life. It’s a deep joy and satisfaction in the Lord that leads us to give thanks to Him in all things (1 Thess. 5:16-18), to put the needs of others ahead of our own, and to endure all kinds of circumstances, whether “being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need” with joy–for the sake of Christ and His kingdom.
I hope you can gather from this article that aside from the straightforward biblical call on our lives, I’m not prescribing any particular practice of self-denial, as though backpacking (or whatever form of roughing it appeals most to you) is some kind of biblical ideal. But I am trying to say that merely creating a Bible-centered Zen garden away from all the noise of ordinary life isn’t the biblical ideal either. We might imagine that we will grow more content in a frictionless, vacuum-like environment, but that’s a peace that’s based on having the just-right environment, not a peace that grows in the heart, as a fruit of the Spirit, in the midst of all of life’s joys and sorrows.
How have you seen the Lord work contentment in your heart through trials? Or through voluntary fasting or other forms of self-denial?
Dear sisters, this article is about miscarriage. Some things I share may be a little too much if you are in the early weeks of pregnancy waiting for that first appointment, or if a loss is still fresh in your memory. It’s ok to skip reading this for now if that is what is best for you. For the rest, I hope what I share will be an encouragement and a help—if you have suffered pregnancy loss, may it remind you that you are not alone and that your have a heavenly Father who cares for you; and if you have not, may this help you to understand what many, many women experience during their childbearing years so that you can love them well in your own community. >hugs<
Maternity photo when my oldest was on the way.
Today might have been my due date.
The pregnancy was a surprise. We had discussed perhaps trying for another child before my fertility ran out (for reference, I’ll be 40 this fall), but we hadn’t made any decision yet to do so. We were both shocked when the test was positive.
My youngest son was 12. There would have been a 13 year gap. I was excited at the thought of a new baby, but I mourned the gap.
We had sold our minivan over the summer and replaced it with a pick-up truck. Vehicle prices had gone way up, and it looked like we would need to find another van.
We were in the middle of a very busy Christmas season, and with my pregnancy-induced autoimmune disease looming on the horizon, I had to find a doctor—and the right one–FAST.
To say that this news rocked our world would not be an understatement.
To add injury to shock, a few hours after the positive pregnancy test, my oldest fell on his otherarm, and we were off to the emergency room that very same day.
Thankfully the fracture was mild this time, but while he was still in a brace, his brother got the flu, and we missed Christmas with my family. We tried to go down for New Year’s, but Nathaniel and my oldest got sick as well. We prayed, were careful, invested in some TamiFlu, and I thankfully managed to stay well.
Even so, my first OB appointment got delayed a week since we still had some lingering flu symptoms in the house.
Before moving on, I want to take a moment here to share how I related to God through this time of expectant waiting…
I knew I was a much older mom at this point, and that the likelihood of pregnancy loss was much higher. But I thanked God for the gift of new life, no matter what would come of it. To be expecting again was a gift. To be carrying a child, to love a child I could not yet see, was a gift. No matter what happened.
In terms of symptoms, I marveled that my initial hint-of-queasiness that started at 6 weeks hadn’t ramped up any by almost 8 weeks. Maybe this pregnancy would be different!
And indeed it was.
At what should have been 7 weeks and about 5 days, the ultrasound, though it showed a sac and everything in the right place, measured only 5 weeks and 5 days. No visual on the baby. No heartbeat.
“Everything looks good. It could just be that we’re working on a different time line than we originally thought.”
But I’d been charting my cycles for 16 years. I had the dates right. I knew something wasn’t right.
We were very pleased with the doctor and her staff, however. They were absolutely wonderful. And we were relieved to have a doctor who would readily prescribe the medication I needed to manage my autoimmune disease with nothing more than a phone call as soon as it started to flare up.
To get a better picture of how I was progressing, they drew blood to check HCG levels. And scheduled me to come back two days later to check it again.
But later that evening I started spotting. I thought perhaps it was related to a potential UTI, for which they’d given me antibiotics. By the next morning, it had gotten worse, and I was in pain.
By the day of my follow-up HCG draw, the pain grew intense. I had labored without pain medication for both of my boys, and would gladly do it again, but seeing the writing on the wall, I took a Tylenol to take the edge off for the ride to doctor’s office, which was awful. I’d never labored in a vehicle before. My autoimmune disease had required us to induce twice, so this was a new experience. That car ride was the worst.
Given my symptoms, we did another ultrasound to check on things. This time there was no sac to be seen. I could hear the heartbeat from another baby in another room, but again none in mine. I went home to wait.
The next day I stayed in bed and by evening had lost the pregnancy—and whatever there was of a tiny, yet unseen by me, baby—in the toilet.
I stayed home from church the next morning. Physically needing rest and knowing that I just couldn’t handle it emotionally yet anyway.
Friends took good care of us, bringing us meals. I can’t say enough how wonderful it was to be so well cared for. Our family and church family are such a blessing.
And we got to return the favor rather quickly, as a friend at a similar place in pregnancy had the same experience one week later. We grieved together and prayed for one another.
With my firstborn son, fifteen years ago. Add a few lines around the eyes, gray hairs, and extra pounds to imagine what might have been.
Once I had rested adequately, taking it slow for about four weeks, I threw myself into whatever work was at hand. Speaking at a local homeschool mini conference, planning a surprise party for my husband’s 40th birthday, reaching out to ladies at church, among other things. If having a baby would provide one set of opportunities, not having a baby would open up another. We weren’t sure if we would try again, so in the mean time, I put my hand to the plow and tried not to look back. If this was the door the Lord had open for me, I would walk through it with as much fervor as I had thrown into supporting my pregnancy.
Sometimes it’s hard to know whether we have fresh diligence in our work or if we’re just looking for a distraction from pain. I think it was a mixture of the two for me. I tried to be present with my grief when it came over me, talking it through with my husband, and pouring it out before the Lord. But I also didn’t want to sit in it. Still, it would come on in waves, the triggers taking me by surprise.
Like shopping for clothes for my boys at the big consignment sale event. I didn’t think anything of it most of the time we were there…until we stepped into the room with all the baby gear…the kinds of things I would have been shopping for that day if there was still a baby growing in my womb.
Another trigger hit with a wave of both grief and gratitude.
When I was going through some important papers a couple months after the miscarriage, I came across my youngest son’s birth certificate. I read the words: “Certificate of live birth,” and immediately burst into tears and gave thanks to God. How precious those words were. Because my son is precious, and I can remember how tumultuous his birth was—how I had been monitored for almost ten weeks by a high risk OB with ultrasounds and non-stress tests, how my amniotic fluid levels got to be too low and risk of stillbirth increased, how his heart rate wasn’t great when we went in to induce, how things got better with an IV but eventually got worse and even risky as labor went on, how close we were to an unmedicated emergency C-section, how the doctor coached me to push non-stop-no-breaks until he was out and breathing. “Oh, baby, baby, baby!” That’s how I greeted him when he took his first breath, filled his lungs, and let out his first, sweet cry.
But I had processed all of that before. This time the words hit me with all of that weight and the added weight of a live birth that now could never be. There’s a sinking feeling as I type those words, but my overwhelming takeaway from that moment with my son’s birth certificate in my hands is this: life is precious. It’s a gift. It’s not guaranteed. The fact that I have two amazing sons who are now in their teen years is all of grace, all a gift of God. And I’m thankful.
Fast forward to today. In the midst of a busy end-of-summer, start-of-school, birthday-celebration season for our family, it’s strange to think of how different our current pace would be if I’d been battling an autoimmune disease and late-pregnancy fatigue and had had a baby a week ago (I didn’t expect to reach my due date).
The grief doesn’t rush over me like a wave anymore. It’s more like a sad but distant peak into an alternate life that might have been but isn’t. Our life and our hearts are full, even having been given a taste of another good thing only to have it taken away. God is good.
That’s not a cliché, it’s truth. A truth to cling to in the midst of trials that feel anything but good.
God would be good however it all turned out. The Author of life is the Author of our stories, and we are living in the story He has chosen to write for us–for our good and growth in Christ and for His glory. In so many ways it isn’t what we would have imagined or chosen ourselves. But it is good. He is good.
And that is where my heart can find its comfort and rest.
It’s about time I got around to my second installment of my seasonal Homemaker’s Journal. If I had gotten around to it last fall, I would have shared all about how we survived our first season of middle school basketball (this was a boost to my meal planning skills, to be sure).
And maybe I would have included some pictures of holiday food prep.
But that was a busy season and it led straight into a hard season. And that’s what this post is about.
This year our family has suffered a loss, a broken arm, and a broken hand (all three of these separate instances within about six weeks of each other—and in this same time we missed both Christmas and New Years with extended family due to the flu). Since then, we’ve had the upstairs AC go out (still needs replaced), a car break down (was recently replaced), a fender-bender (oops), another vehicle AC failure, another broken-arm scare that thankfully turned out to be a sprain, and a freezer that put itself on defrost voluntarily (recently replaced but some food is still in my MIL’s freezer…).
While there were some tears and confusion in the first part of the year, and for good reason, these later trials have found us a bit incredulous and wondering what it all means…but they’ve also found us laughing.
“Well, ok, Lord. What’s next?”
Even when God’s providence is hard, we know He’s good.
I’ve also joked with Nathaniel that these things are probably all his fault since he suggested that we focus on learning to pray this year. 😉 (Here’s a book we’ve read on the subject: Prayer: The Church’s Great Need.)
Even as we work to fix things, pay medical bills, and budget for multiple major purchases, we’re trusting the Lord that He knows what He’s doing in all of this whether we ever figure it all out or not.
We feel the weight of each of these trials, but there’s a funny, non-congruent peace that comes when you can laugh at it all and look to the Lord with open hands. I think we’re learning contentment.
“It is always possible to be thankful for what is given rather than to complain about what is not given. One or the other becomes a habit of life.” ~~Elisabeth Elliot
Instead of grumbling about the cost, we could give thanks that we had enough savings to get what we needed without going into debt.
We could see the wonderful things growing in our garden despite not having had as much time to dedicate to it as we had planned. (And we can certainly give thanks that our friends helped us start our garden this year for my husband’s birthday since his hand was broken.)
We could praise the Lord that He is indeed teaching us to pray. And not just for things but for hearts more ready to receive whatever it is that He chooses to give.
Now that you know the context of the past several months (or…year), let’s jump in to the things that have been growing despite all-the-things breaking down. Here are some of my cooking and gardening escapades from this past spring:
Candied oranges from Trader Joe’s and cinnamon Bundt cake. Baked chicken is always nice. Baked chicken with home-grown sweet potato casserole and squash medley. Learning to make corned beef and cabbage in my Dutch oven instead of the crock pot. Making gluten free noodles! gluten free noodlesHomemade gluten free noodles! Chicken noodle soup in Dutch oven.Soup againLooks nice in a jar for fridge storage. Healthy chicken salad dinner kit I made for a couple at church after a hospital stay. Low sugar mousse with dark chocolate and raspberries for dessert. This was fun to put together! Some of our lettuce starts!Peas for planting! Prepping the raised beds…My oldest did a science fair project testing leavening agents in homemade biscuits! Measuring rise.With my lettuces! Gluten free Stromboli.Gluten free Stromboli. With sauce. Mmmm…Our first bunch of asparagus! Fried up asparagus…with nachos. Because sometimes that’s how we roll. Hand pies with left-over dough and homemade apple butter! Gluten free apple pie for pi day! Pi Day celebration at our homeschool co-op. Homemade gluten free biscotti for our co-op book club discussing Pride and Prejudice!Perfect with tea! Irish soda bread.Making fruit-flavored kombucha! kombucha brewing
Kombucha brewingFruit favored kombucha! Baking our garden sweet potatoes that we dug up last fall. Home-grown and canned pickles and homemade bread. Roasted asparagus. Starting seeds! Our little green house. Preparing for a Passover-themed Good Friday meal. Roast lamb–was cheaper than a beef roast! Remembering the Lord’s death on our behalf along with good friends! Biscotti between first and second baking. Homemade beef enchiladas, a family favorite. Chocolate-chocolate chip biscotti! Oranges arranged for the eclipse! Eclipse viewing with friends! Eclipse 2024Total eclipse 2024–we experienced over 4 minutes of totality!!!Oldest helped make a quiche!Got a milk frother. 🙂 Family backpacking trip on the Ouachita Trail. We’re almost finished! Hammocks set up in a shelter–super nice! We took along our own dehydrated peaches from last summer!!Sunset view on the trail. A sunset view from the trail. Sage from the garden. “Found bouquet” Garden sage flowers, crimson clover, white clover, jonquils, phlox. Sometimes volunteer squash grows in interesting places! (It sadly eventually died.)Lettuce and marigolds coming up! Garden starting to look green! Lettuce and peas on the trellises. Oldest with a scythe in the background. A turtle! Spring blush peas are my favorite–I love the color! Table set for tea time discussion of Pride and Prejudice with the big kids at our homeschool co-op! Pride and Prejudice over tea. Can’t beat that, right? Fruit smoothie with garden mint. Garden strawberries, peppers, and peas. Mother’s Day Breakfast. 🙂 Garden parsley ready for the dehydrator. Garden mullein for the dehydrator. Excited to have this in the garden this year! Mullein and parsley in the dehydrator. Will cook with the parsley and use the mullein for tea! Dewberries from along the creek, with whipped cream. Failed attempt at fermented peas…they grew mold on top. 😦 Homemade mint jello made with peppermint from the garden!
It’s good to take stock of the good things that are growing and going on even in the midst of a hard season. God’s abundant goodness can be seen all around us if we look for it in faith.
Have you ever gotten sucked into those bread making reels on social media? They can be mesmerizing and inspiring. But “like” enough of them, and the algorithm will feed you more of the same—only it’ll up the ante. They won’t just be women baking bread for their families—they’ll be women running home bakeries, producing 100 beautiful loaves a day.
What was once encouraging becomes discouraging.
If the images you see in internet reels are the measure of your godliness, you’ll find you can’t keep up. And if you try to keep up with someone else’s calling, you might find that it becomes a distraction from following your own.
Our image-driven culture gives us a lot of aesthetics we could idealize as “true, biblical womanhood.”
Back in the early days of my own marriage, it was the Victorian woman or pioneer. Today it might be the trad wife. Or the homesteader. Or the gentle parent. Or the classical bookish type. Take your pick.
Images can be deeply motivating. I think this is why we like them. We want something to embody our ideals so that we can see what we’re after and work towards it. This isn’t all bad. “Follow me as I follow Christ,” is a pattern Paul left us in the Scriptures, after all.
But after 16 years of marriage, my own idealism and my husband’s have had plenty of time to bump up against each other and be disappointed (turns out we’re both human and sinners and finite). I can now see how chasing an idea of a godly wife is different from being one.
Let’s say I’m 27, and I decide to try out the wears-skirts-and-makes-her-own-bread version of biblical womanhood. Neither of those things are bad. But am I making bread because it saves my family money and provides greater nutrition, or am I doing it because it fits the image? Do I wear skirts because I delight in flowy, feminine clothing that my husband appreciates, or am I again seeking to craft an image that makes me feel more godly—or that I think gains approval from my tribe?
My motivation and walked-out attitude in these things matters immensely.
HowI respond to my husband and children and manage my time and resources in the day-in, day-out details of making a life together tells a lot more about my godliness than the style of clothes I’m wearing or the on-trend baking projects I undertake.
Godliness is oriented toward Godin our hearts and in all we do. It isn’t measured merely by activities and accessories.
The Wrong Image Can Create Blindspots
We ought to use our imaginations to help us envision what biblical womanhood can look like in our lives as wives and mothers (and it’s even better when those imaginations are informed by the real lives of godly women in our local communities). But when we fixate on the image or the persona—the meta-narrative we want to tell about our lives, especially when it’s informed more by social media than by reality—we may be at risk of blinding ourselves to the very real everyday decisions that actually add up to a life of obedience.
It’s entirely possible to think you’re checking all the boxes (because it sure looks like you are on the outside!) all-the-while neglecting to respond to your children’s needs in a timely manner or do that thing your husband asked you to do that you really-didn’t-wanna.
It’s pretty easy to craft an image of a godly, selfless wife and mother while being selfish and ungodly in the moments of our days.
Aesthetic does not equal character. Aesthetic does not equal godliness.
The desire to honor God in the way we live our lives is good. I think this motivates a lot of young wives and mothers to seek out inspiration to live the life they believe will do just that. My own motives were in this zone as a younger woman.
But I’ve come to realize that taking what might be steps in the right direction doesn’t mean we won’t face temptation along the way. And it sure doesn’t mean that when we do we’ll see that temptation for what it is. This is where that image-crafting can get us into trouble. We’re already sinners with a tendency toward self-deception (see Jer. 17:9).
The really surprising thing is that we can use even good things to keep ourselves deceived.
I’ve put on the prairie muffin uniform, and I’m doing all-the-things. How can I go wrong?
By fixating on the image—the outward appearance and all the accompanying gear and choreography—we may unwittingly create blind spots in our lives at home. Your husband and kids don’t actually care if you are on-trend among Christian women on Instagram. They care how you show up with them on an average day in real life.
To the Word
If the fall of professing Christian social media and reality TV stars teaches us anything, it’s that we can project a wholesome image to the world while rotting out on the inside. We do well to guard against this.
The two greatest commandments, to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbor as our self, are far more important than looking like a particularly curated and re-imagined version of the Proverbs 31 woman. That ideal woman (who is probably at least in mid-life at the time of writing 😉 ) dresses well and rolls up her sleeves to get things done, but it’s in the fear of the Lord, with the teaching of kindness on her tongue, and I guarantee you it’s in reference to the needs of her own family and community and not about chasing a fad.
Even Titus 2 speaks of the character of a godly woman—sensible, kind, pure, loving, working at home, alongside her husband—without dictating an aesthetic or a specific to-do list. And in 1 Peter, we’re instructed to have a gentle and quiet spirit, to hope in God, to do what is right without being frightened by any fear…over against a preoccupation with outward appearance (“not the putting on of dresses…”). Even in 1 Timothy where we get some instruction on modest dress, the emphasis is actually on living like women who are making a claim of godliness, with a reputation for good deeds.
We’re directed away from an image and to a kind of character—one that loves and fears the true God, works heartily for the good of others, and embodies the fruit of the Holy Spirit, especially in her closest relationships.
If a pagan or an atheist can put on the same uniform and take up the same tools (and they do, friends), then maybe playing the role of the trad wife or homesteader isn’t what makes us godly.
When we recognize that we are beholden to the Scriptures and that paying attention to our own people can help us see where we need to grow, it actually frees us from the bondage of feeling like we need to conform to the next fad in supposedly-biblical-womanhood that pops up in our feeds.
And the freedom from outward pressures to either adopt an image or craft one can leave us with enough peripheral vision to see how the Holy Spirit might be shining a light on areas where we need greater trust and repentance and obedient love.
When we see clearly and repent quickly, our consciences can be clear because we’re confessing sin and taking it to the cross where Jesus has paid for it in full. And we can then pursue styles and hobbies that we enjoy to the glory of God and that build up our families to the glory of God—regardless of whether those things “fit” a particular image.
When we see with this kind of clarity and move in this kind of freedom, our eyes can then be fixed on the only image that is really worthy of beholding, the ultimate inspiration for living a godly life: Jesus Himself. And none other.
Be godly. And then go ahead and bake the bread. Put on that skirt, if you want to. Enjoy it all to the glory of God. But make sure it’s for Him, for your family, for you. And not for the masses. Not for the likes and follows. Not for the sake of crafting an image.
Some time ago both my boys were sick. And then one of them had mostly recovered.
One thing you ought to know about my boys is that they do an awful lot around the house, so when they’re sick, I have to pick up the slack, and some things just don’t get done.
Photo by Vika Glitter on Pexels.com (This is not my son, in case anyone was wondering. 😉 )
It’s His Turn!
This time it was the compost bin that hadn’t been taken care of. I told my recently-recovered son that it was time for that thing to be cleaned. It was nasty, let me tell you. It stank. There were gnats and gnat larva. Ew.
My recently-recovered son, at that moment, decided to protest.
“[My brother] was supposed to do it last Monday, before we were sick, and he didn’t. I shouldn’t have to do it. It’s his turn.”
I raised an eyebrow: “[Your brother] is sick. And today is his birthday. The compost bucket needs to be cleaned out, and you can do it.”
He balked and wanted to “explain” the situation further, so I employed the mom look.
He quickly said, “Ok, I’ll do it.”
Mom look: 1
Middle school boy: 0
He did do it. And he did a great job.
Fair vs. Right
Later, as I was relating this story to my husband, I began to put my finger on what my son’s response meant. He was responding in a very natural and understandable way. But it wasn’t right. Why?
In the moment when he objected to my request, he was focused on fairness instead of righteousness. As it turns out, while those two ideals can overlap at times, they are actually quite different.
A quick look at Merriam Webster’s can help us see the difference.
Fair : 1 a : marked by impartiality and honesty : free from self-interest, prejudice, or favoritism… B(1) : conforming with the established rules : ALLOWED (2) : consonant with merit or importance : DUE a fair share
When it comes to the case my son was making, he was in line with that last part of the definition. He didn’t think that taking out the compost on that particular day was his fair share. He knows we try to divvy up the chores in our home reasonably and equitably, not dumping all of the responsibility on any one person, not letting one brother off the hook and forcing the other to play Cinderella.
And while it can be reasonable to appeal to such precedent at times, there is something higher than fairness. Consider the dictionary entry for righteous:
Righteous : acting in accord with divine or moral law : free from guilt or sin 2 a: morally right or justifiable
That definition matches our common English use of the term. In the Bible, however, “righteous” or “righteousness” seems to carry a more active and positive connotation—it’s more than merely not breaking divine or moral laws. When Jesus, in the Sermon on the Mount, tells his listeners that their righteousness is to surpass the scribes and Pharisees, He elaborates on that point in the verses that follow. He not only gives instruction to keep oneself pure or from transgressing the law (Matt. 5:21-37), but He also calls His followers to go far beyond mere technical obedience to law in order to show radical love to others—even to our enemies (Matt. 5:38-47).
Self-righteousness is often focused only on the “without guilt” or “racking up points” idea of righteousness—it focuses on keeping score for oneself. And it often doesn’t mind making a fuss when it doesn’t get what it thinks it deserves.
True, biblical righteousness (the practical kind believers are to grow in, not the only-in-Christ theological kind that we receive by faith) thinks of God and others and not one’s own winning streak. It does what is just and good concerning duty to God and others. It implies judging rightly (according to God’s law and/or the needs of a situation) and acting in accordance with that judgment.
Fairness is Good. Righteousness is Better.
If my other son hadn’t still been sick, I might have agreed with my recently-recovered son that it was right for his brother to pick up the slack that he himself had left behind. Even if it was his birthday. That would have been both right and fair.
But when one of our number is out for the count, the right thing to do is serve them, or serve in their place. To go the extra mile. To give the cloak off of our back.
Love covers a multitude of sins. And spills. And forgotten or just-didn’t-get-to-it chores.
This is, of course, not just about middle school boys and their excuses. We can respond to the obvious needs around us with the same attitude, can’t we?
We may complain that it isn’t fair for us to have to do whatever it is that needs to be done right now. Maybe it is unfortunate, even unfair. But that doesn’t change the fact that the thing needs done and that God has given us eyes to see it.
Will we whine like a teenager over fairness when it conveniently serves our interests … or will we simply do what’s right to the glory of God and the good of those around us?
If we’re paying attention, we’ll probably begin to see that this question pops up on the daily.
Do you ever see your own attitudes reflected back at you by your children? Those moments can be comical and convicting! Share your story in the comments below.
Kept and Keeping 