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bible, biblical womanhood, Christian hospitality, Christian life, Christian Wife, Christian Women, god, Godliness, Homemaking, Jesus, motherhood, Pioneer Women, proverbs, Stay At Home Mom, Wisdom
The following article and the two that follow it are talks that I gave at a women’s retreat in my area. The theme was “Pioneer Women”, and the scriptures were chosen for me. So you could say I was writing and speaking to a prompt, which was a new and fun challenge. It was a fruitful exercise for me and a delight to get to share some insights from God’s word with the lovely ladies who gathered to hear it. I hope you’ll find it to be an encouragement to you, as well.
This first article discusses a Christian woman’s Godly Wisdom, and the two following articles flow from that, digging deeper into the Good Works and Gracious Words that ought to flow from hearts that have been redeemed by the love of God through the gospel of Jesus Christ.
I’m not a pioneer woman. Although we live on seven acres, homeschool, make most of our food from scratch, and tend a large garden, we don’t have animals [yet], and we live close enough to town that lately I end up going there for activities and errands most days of the week, so I wouldn’t call myself a homesteader and certainly not a pioneer woman.
But I know someone who fits the description pretty well. In fact, I have used Proverbs 14:1, our passage for today, about this friend of mine, because she has been literally building her house along with her husband, debt free on a teacher’s salary up in north central Arkansas with lumber they milled themselves right there on the family land. They’ve also got a cow and chickens and goats and cats, she makes her own kombucha, and they’re homeschooling the oldest few of their five young children. They’re really doing it. And it’s kinda crazy and truly inspiring. We go up to visit them every summer to pitch in, and it’s a blast.
We’re not all going to live that kind of lifestyle, but I think we can all recognize the incredible spunk and resourcefulness, patience and intention that go into that kind of undertaking. So in this article we’re going to explore how we can apply some of those same pioneer woman qualities in our own context.
First, we’ll cover Proverbs 14:1 looking at what Godly Wisdom is and does.
Then, we’ll see how our passage lays only two options before us. And I’ll give you five habits of a wise woman that can help you think through your own situation.
Finally, I’ll tell you about the great recognition that might just change the way you think about your home life.
What Godly Wisdom Is and Does
Our first scripture for today reminds us of the power and influence we have over our household. How we show up at home matters today as much as it did in times past.
Here’s Proverbs 14:1:
The wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.
In the broader context of Proverbs, this verse simply continues the contrast between wisdom and folly. The wise do this, and the foolish do that. Lady wisdom, as the idea of wisdom is often personified, does something positive, while Lady folly, her foolish counterpart, does something negative, sometimes with disastrous consequences.
Lady wisdom, or that wise woman of Proverbs, builds her house. But before we talk about building, we probably ought to understand what it means to be wise according to the Bible.
What is wisdom? In God’s word, wisdom carries both the idea of understanding what is good and right and best before God AND choosing or doing what is good and right and best in our own given situation. All of our practical wisdom can develop freely and in many creative directions if we first submit our hearts and minds to God, reverently loving what He loves and hating what He hates.
To give us some idea of what wisdom looks like in practice, here are some examples of what wisdom does:
Wisdom fears the Lord.
Wisdom seeks for knowledge and understanding rather than waiting around for it.
Wisdom pays attention.
Wisdom sees needs in advance and plans to meet them in a timely manner.
Wisdom sees harm in advance and prepares to avoid or endure it well.
Wisdom chooses the truth over the half truth or lies, the good over the bad, the effective over the ineffective (but also creative beauty over mere efficiency), to build rather than to destroy, to work with excellence rather than sloppiness (but it also prefers good enough and done over paralyzing perfectionism).
Wisdom considers all of the moving pieces of a household, whether people, animals, plants, or inanimate objects, and seeks to manage them well and for the health and flourishing of each member.
Wisdom speaks skillfully and with kindness; and is quiet when necessary, too.
James 3:13-18 gives us a good description of godly wisdom in contrast to worldly wisdom:
Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
The negative traits that James lists give us a picture of the kind of woman who might tear down her household or those around her: “bitter jealousy” “selfish ambition” “arrogance” “lies” “disorder” “hypocrisy”.
Are those things that you bring to your home? Or does your presence in your home bring with it “gentleness” “understanding” “good behavior” “purity” “peace” “reasonableness” “mercy” “good fruits” “righteousness”?
We don’t accidentally produce good fruit. We grow in godly wisdom and the fruit of the Spirit by depending upon the Lord, anchoring ourselves in His word, and practicing what we’re learning—with a lot of confession and repentance and resting in Jesus’ along the way when we get it wrong.
Only Two Options
Proverbs 14:1 paints a picture of only two options: a wise woman who actively builds up her household; and a foolish woman who actively tears it down. There is no neutral third party. Either you contribute to the good of your household, or you work toward its destruction by your complacency.
Now, I’m not talking about being a perfectionist, but I am talking about being faithful to do what you can.
Proverbs warns us that “The lazy man is brother to him who destroys.”
Think about it: If you simply ignore the dust bunnies, will they go away or get bigger? Do your floors clean themselves? Does the clutter go away if you ignore it? No, all of these get worse with time and use. We can tear our house down by our neglect. (I’m learning now just how important maintenance is—for our homes and possessions and our aging bodies. Maintenance is required!) We’d like to be able to just ignore it all and do whatever new thing peaks our interest, but that’s not the way this sin-cursed world works. Things tend toward entropy. Toward falling apart and breaking down.
If we are merely indifferent toward our responsibilities to care for, to steward, the good things God has graciously given us, then we are actually contributing toward their destruction.
Think about how this works in relationships. If your husband or sibling or roommate always responded to you with blank looks and a mopey attitude, would you feel like they were close to you, or would you feel like they were moving away from you? Like maybe they had something against you? If we are not actively investing in the people in our lives—by looking them in the eyes, smiling at them, and engaging with them with interest and real concern, we are actually tearing down our relationships by our lack of investing in them. It’s been said that the opposite of love is not hate but rather indifference. Watch out that indifference doesn’t creep into your relationships.
Weather we’re talking about seeds in the garden or relationships in our home, if we don’t water it, it’s not gonna grow, and it might just die.
Five Habits of a Wise Woman
So, how can we be wise and intentional builders rather than foolish and negligent destroyers? How do we translate the idea-level wisdom of Scripture into a boots-on-the-ground wisdom that builds up our homes and people? Well, we need to first understand that wisdom discerns what best honors God and serves people in a real time and place. So there isn’t a cookie-cutter answer. But we can learn how to prayerfully think through our own situation and season of life.
To that end, here are FIVE habits of a wise woman that can help us to be builders in our homes. We need to PRIORITIZE, or put first things first, ATTEND to those things that are our priorities, IMAGINE what is possible for our homes and people, ESTABLISH rhythms or routines to help us follow through on our intentions, and ACQUIRE the skills necessary to do our duties and love our people well. If you have paper or a notebook handy, write down each habit and answer the questions or prompts listed under each.
PRIORITIZE
The commands and examples of scripture call us to prioritize home as the first place of ministry and as the place from which we can do good works for the glory of God beyond our front door. Remember that godly wisdom isn’t hypocritical. We ought to be practicing Christian virtue and service at home—where only our families or roommates—or maybe even only God—sees how we live.
So. —Who and what are you responsible for? List everything that comes to mind.
Circle those people and things that you are most responsible for before God. Think of where you live. An apartment? House? Assisted living? Think of who you live with or who is nearby.
If you wear the title “wife” or “mom” then you are irreplaceable in those roles. Make sure you show up for them first and always. If you are the only daughter of your parents, or you siblings’ only sister, know that you are irreplaceable in those relationships, too.
ATTEND
See your home and see your people—give your attention to each. It’s said about that Proverbs 31 woman that “She looks well to the ways of her household.” Look and really see both the people and the things around you. And write them down.
List what each one needs from you. Then circle those things that would make the most difference for them if you did them.
You can’t do everything. So evaluating and prioritizing are things we have to do again and again. When we have to do it on the fly, I call it triage. And I’ve been doing it a LOT lately since we’re into our second month of a home remodel project along with track season for the boys and a host of other projects.
The constant question isn’t how can I get it all done—instead it’s what can I not afford to leave undone? Some days or weeks that will be a task or project or something with a deadline; other times, it’s a conversation or other investment in a relationship that is timely and simply cannot wait.
Attend to yourself: The woman sets the tone of the household–your emotions are the thermostat. Are you heating things up? Are you cold toward others? Or are you pleasantly warm or cool to meet the needs in your home?
Do the members of your home need more hugs? How can you show appropriate physical affection? A hand on the shoulder to encourage a friend or roommate. Hugging your kids. When they get on your nerves, give them a hug rather than running away from them. It will probably calm you both down.
This is also a great opportunity to make plans to encourage the people in your home. Don’t leave this to chance. Take a quiet moment to think about who they are and what they do—and how you can praise and thank them for what they do well.
It’s hard to obey the command to consider the needs of others if you aren’t even aware of them. So start paying attention.
IMAGINE the good that is possible
It might be surprising to hear that cultivating imagination can help you live out your faith and build up your home and family. But the more our culture breaks ties between one generation and the generation that came before it, the more we are left in the dark about how godly women have done this job well in past ages. We lose touch with history and traditional skills and biblical family dynamics. And our TV and movies don’t usually give us pictures of these things—or if they do, they don’t often hold them up with dignity and encouragement.
Perhaps even more disturbing, with screens replacing face-to-face human interaction, we as a society are losing touch with the basic skills and manners that nourish relationships. We need instruction and imagination to think ahead about how to prefer others in social settings, or to understand what another person might be going through. I’ll just straight up tell you, that I’ve had to learn and grow a lot in that department over the years.
Read Christian books on homemaking—whether you work outside of the home or not, whether you’re married or single. They can inspire you—because making our homes a more enjoyable place to live and to share with others is a wonderful way to imitate God in His creative and sustaining work. Books by Sally Clarkson are a great place to start (I’ve enjoyed The Life Giving Home more than once).
What would make your home just a little more beautiful? Don’t break the bank—it can be a bunch of wildflowers collected from the side of the road that you put in a drinking glass on your desk or the kitchen table. What small touch can you add that will show yourself and others that you care for the space?
ESTABLISH rhythms of work and rest, fellowship and availability and solitude
If we’ve set our priorities and identified real needs, we ought to be intentional about making space for them in our schedule.
Is God’s word a part of your routine? Do you share that with the members of your household? Do you pray with them? For them? To build them up in the faith?
Meal times can be a great opportunity to attach bible reading to something that already happens during your day.
What would it take to make regular family meals a reality in your home if it isn’t already? Or, if you’re ready to level up, to have someone over for dinner once a week?
Do you plan times of rest into your days and weeks? Do you make space for screen-free family or roommate time where the focus is on each other and not on digital media?
Pick one or two building actions that you want to put into place this week—and choose ahead of time when you will do them. Establish a routine.
ACQUIRE skills and tools
As you are attending to your home and your people, you’ll probably start to notice that there are things that don’t come naturally, areas where you need a lot of growth or don’t know exactly what to do. That’s ok! Get started anyway. But take notes on what skills or tools you need to add to your tool box. What are they? Write them down! Seek out both physical skills and social graces. Look around at your sisters in Christ who do any of these things well. Imitate them or ask them to teach you.
The Great Recognition:
GOD IS A MEMBER OF YOUR HOUSEHOLD—This may be most notable for those who live alone.
If you live alone, who is there with your thoughts and actions? You and God. Are you building each of them up? Do your words to yourself ring true—do they build you up in the faith? Or do they tear you down? Are your thoughts about yourself and others always critical, echoing the voice of the accuser? Or are you renewing your mind with God’s word?
Are your thoughts about God and your prayers to Him what they ought to be? God deserves our praise, even more than the people who may live in our homes need our encouragement. Do we recognize that God is with us? As the central figure in our home? How does the goal of building your house change when you consider that, if you are a believer in Jesus, He is there with you in the quietness of your home? Do you “build up” your thoughts of God with the truth of Scripture?
Now God is so big and self-sustaining that He doesn’t need anything from us. But He desires our childlike trust, our responsive love, and our sincere thanks and adoration for all He is and all He has done for us. And He invites us to join Him in the work that He’s doing in the world.
So as you consider building up the people in your home, please do not forget that God is a part of your household. That your relationship with Jesus and your thoughts of Him, as well as those of everyone else in your home, need to be built up, too.
Bringing It Home
The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands. We need godly wisdom that fears the Lord, ordering all of our loves and actions under His Lordship and authority and putting to use all that God has given us to point to the grace of God in Christ Jesus.
Please don’t underestimate the power of a warm home and a healthy, loving family in this kingdom-building work. So many people are coming from broken homes and broken situations. Nothing out there in the world can replace the home they should have had. But our homes, surrendered to the Lord and made welcoming for people, can be a place of love and warmth that points others to the love of God.
So, like the strong, resourceful pioneer women, with a prayer and a plan, let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work.
How do you plan to build up your people and your home this week?
Here are the other posts in this series:
Wise Women Build Up, Part 1: Godly Wisdom (that’s this post!)
Wise Women Build Up, Part 2: Good Works
Wise Women Build Up, Part 3: Gracious Words
Kept and Keeping 