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Wise Women Build Up, Part Two: Good Works

30 Friday May 2025

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The following article and the other two in this series are talks that I gave at a women’s retreat in my area. The theme was “Pioneer Women”, and the scriptures were chosen for me. It was a fruitful exercise for me and a delight to get to share some insights from God’s word with the lovely ladies who gathered to hear it. I hope you’ll find it to be an encouragement to you, as well. Building on the foundation of Godly Wisdom, this second article discusses a Christian woman’s Good Works, and the third article focuses on the Gracious Words that ought to flow from hearts that have been redeemed by the love of God through the gospel of Jesus Christ.

In Part One we covered how Godly Wisdom can help us build up our homes and people. Now we’re going to look more specifically at how that Godly Wisdom produces a life of Good Works.

First we’ll discover from our passage that modesty and Good Works flow from the same heart.

Then we’ll look at examples of Good Works and consider how they might look different in different seasons in our life.

And then I have a poem to share with you.

wise women build up good works christian

Getting Dressed in … Good Works

Our world puts a lot of emphasis on outward beauty, and we all have likely felt the pressure to keep up. There’s an endless supply of makeup and beauty products from companies that are eager to play on your insecurities as a business strategy. Fast fashion provides an endless supply of clothing and accessories, cheaply made, and changing from season to season so that you’ll always fall behind.

These influences can promote insecurity about who we are, competition with others, and the temptation to exalt ourselves to keep up. While it’s good to care for your body and your physical appearance, it’s not good to sell your soul to do so, or to crowd out things that are far more important.

To that point, let’s take a look at 1 Timothy 2:9-10:

Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.

The apostle Paul calls us to wear proper clothing, but even more so he calls us to adorn ourselves with good works!

Modesty is part of the context of our passage, so I want to give you something you can take home on the subject—and you might be surprised that it actually relates to our topic of good works. The Greek word translated “modestly” or “with modesty” in many of our English translations means “shame.” But it’s not the wallowing, debilitating kind. In fact, in the only other place it’s used in the New Testament, it’s translated “awe” toward God. So this is a shame that doesn’t get stuck feeling bad about oneself but rather sees the importance of something outside itself. It’s a kind of shame that goes hand in hand with honor.

God is worthy of honor, so I would be ashamed to do something or wear something that would dishonor Him. The people around me are worthy of honor, so I would be ashamed to do or wear something that would in some way harm or dishonor them. My body, which God has made, is worthy of honor, so I would be ashamed to wear something or behave in a way that treats it as though it’s cheap.

When we know what is truly valuable, we order our lives to reflect it. When we see God for who He is, the most other, the most holy, the most powerful, loving, just, merciful, and good—worthy of all praise and adoration; when we see that this amazing God sent His own Son to die so that we could live; when we see that our sin and shame was nailed to the cross and Jesus’ righteousness has been credited to our account—then our tendency to want to exalt ourselves by what we wear or do melts away. That’s where a truly modest heart comes from. And that’s what drives both our manner of dress and what we choose to do with the time and energy we are given.

Our primary focus is not on showing off our wealth or our bodies or even our self-righteousness. Our primary focus is on honoring God and others by what we wear and even more so by what we do.

What Good Works?

So if we have clothed ourselves first with godly wisdom, which in this case means a heart that values God supremely and that sees the value of others and wants to honor them, how then do we clothe ourselves in good works? What can that look like?

1 Tim. 5:9-10 gives a list of good works that were to make up an older widow’s reputation if she was to be assisted by the church. What kind of works were listed there?

Bringing up children — Don’t forget that your care for your children is not just a good work, it is one of the greatest works of your life. Devote yourself to doing it well. Those of you that work with children, whether you have any of your own—nurturing and caring for them, teaching them and pointing them to Jesus—that is a good work. If you give to support the work of ministries who care for children, who care for women facing a surprise pregnancy, who help the foster or adoptive parent community. These are all good works.

Showing hospitality to strangers — In the ancient world, this often meant welcoming a traveler into your home, providing every comfort and sustenance for their stay and helping them on their way when it was time to leave. When we open our homes to others, it has the potential to nourish them spiritually, physically, emotionally—in just about every way.

hospitality good works christian women

So look for and invest in those opportunities the Lord brings to show hospitality: whether it’s having people into your home to share your food and your life with them, or cooking food for a potluck at church enabling a longer and more intimate time of fellowship on a Sunday afternoon, having someone live with you while they’re between jobs or housing options, or throwing a graduation party, bridal shower, baby shower, charitable bake sale, you name it.

By this work of provision and hosting, we women have the ability to deeply impact our families, our churches, and our broader communities, bidding them each to taste and see that the Lord is good and that fellowship among His people is sweet. That the grace that saves us is also a grace that changes us. It is amazing how God uses the love of Christians for one another to draw people to trust in Jesus.

Washing the feet of the saints — This is about serving in lowly ways. Feet get dirty. And they especially got dirty back in Bible times. Do you think certain acts of service are beneath you? Or are you willing to stoop down and do the work that must be done, whatever it is? Cleaning toilets. Changing diapers. Staying up with a toddler until they’re done throwing up the last bite of supper. Staying up through the night praying with a friend until she’s willing to flush that last joint. Pet sitting for a neighbor when you’re not a pet person, but her husband is in the hospital, so of course you say yes. These moments are not glamorous. They’re not fun. They may not line up with your gifts. And they won’t make it on your resume. But God sees. And He delights in and works through such sacrifices when they are offered to Him in faith.

Assisting those in distress — James tells us that part of true religion is visiting orphans and widows in their distress. The focus here is not just on the material need; it’s about those who are suffering alone: widows, orphans. Loneliness is a very real problem today, even in our supposedly connected modern world. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is simply show up. On an average Tuesday afternoon. Or in the hospital. At the funeral. With a card or flowers a year later at the anniversary of a loss. At their home with a warm meal or cup of coffee and an offer to listen.

This is where today’s hustle culture can really lead us astray. Chasing our dreams with no concern for the needs of those around us means we likely don’t even see them. And if we do, we excuse ourselves. We don’t have time. We’re too busy getting ahead.

But true religion sees and seeks to meet needs.

Good Works Go Both Ways

Now, I want to tell you a story that demonstrates how good works don’t always have to go in one direction.

Almost two years ago there was a godly older man in our church whose wife was dying of cancer. A storm had downed a lot of limbs in his yard, but he didn’t have the time or energy to handle it in that season—especially not by himself. My husband Nathaniel organized a group of men from church to show up on a Saturday to cut and haul and burn until his yard was cleared.

Several months later, after his wife went home to be with the Lord, Nathaniel broke his hand. There was a lot of work to do on our property, and he was discouraged about it. So, I planned a surprise work day party for his 40th birthday, inviting friends from church to come help us clear brush and get our garden ready for the season. And you know who was the first person to show up that day, chainsaw in hand, ready to serve? The very same man my husband had helped several months before.

Sisters, that’s what it looks like when the church behaves like a family. Or like an old-time community on the frontier, where neighbors help each other. It’s just what they do. There’s not one class of people doing good works all the time with another class of people always on the receiving end. We each serve when we’re able and how we’re able. And we receive with gratitude when we’re the ones in need.

Part of making this kind of thing happen, though, is being vulnerable enough to share our needs with others so that we give them the opportunity to joyfully meet them in the name of Jesus.

There’s a particular need that my husband and I have noticed in recent years. There are a lot of young people, and even some approaching middle age, whose parents never taught them how to do basic life skills. They need someone to step in and provide for them the kind of life training that they didn’t receive growing up. If your parents taught you a handful of life skills and you’ve been on your own or caring for a family for a decade or more, you probably take your skills for granted. You don’t have to be a homesteader and make sourdough to have something to offer. The skills you’ve gained over the years are incredibly valuable, and there are people who need to learn from what you know.

Aside from the obvious home skills, what other skills do you have that could bless the people around you? In your church? In your place of work? The point here is not to zero in on any one set of skills, but to see what you have to offer that meets the needs of the people around you.

Good Works, Different Seasons

It’s cliché but true: We can’t all do everything, but we all can do something.

Sometimes we’re in a season of expansion—where we find we are capable of taking on more responsibility, more good work out there. Other times, we find ourselves in a season of pulling back, focusing on the essentials—or even being more on the receiving end of other people’s good works and service on our behalf. There is no shame in any of these seasons. If you can’t give much right now, if you are doing a lot more receiving than giving—then do so graciously. Give thanks. Don’t let feelings of guilt crowd out your ability to rejoice in the good work God is doing through others while you receive it or watch from the sidelines. And don’t forget that your prayers are a very important part of the work of the kingdom.

If this message finds you in a season of overwhelm, where you’re thinking, this all sounds nice, but I’m swamped, maxed-out, worn out… let me encourage you that the Christian life isn’t about doing more. Some may need a nudge to get moving, maybe you don’t.

At the next opportunity, I encourage you to step outside. To take a moment to pause. Take some deep breaths, and look around you at this incredible world that God has made. A world that He keeps spinning. A whole big world that doesn’t depend upon you. You don’t have to carry the weight of the world. God’s got that covered.

Soak up what God has made—the birds of the air, offering up their songs to the Lord and to our ears for our enjoyment; the trees and flowers in bloom, filling our view with dazzling colors. And consider. God cares for each of these. And He cares for you, too.

In all your busyness, in all your responsibilities, in all your overwhelm, don’t forget your Heavenly Father’s tender care for you—and cast your cares on Him. Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. God cares and provides for His people. And the work that has you so bogged down right now may produce fruit in due season—if you do not lose heart. Do not grow weary in doing good.


For your reflection:

What are the good works that God is calling you to do right now? Are there things to add?

Is there anything on your plate right now that doesn’t belong there? That is either too much or all about exalting yourself? Or is it simply a distraction from the good work that you know God has called you to?

Are there good things that you are already doing, but you’re grumbling as you do them? Can you see with the eyes of faith that the work set before you is GOOD and therefore, it’s worth doing it cheerfully?

I’d like to leave you with a poem that Elisabeth Elliot often shared in her writing and teaching. “Do the next thing” may sound like just another modern, over-simplified, get-er-done mantra. But in the context of the poem and a life lived to the glory of God, it is much more: a call to live out our faith in Christ through surrendering to God in each task He sets before us, casting our cares on Him each step of the way.

DO THE NEXT THING

From an old English parsonage down by the sea
There came in the twilight a message to me;
Its quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven,
Hath, it seems to me, teaching from Heaven.
And on through the doors the quiet words ring
Like a low inspiration: “DO THE NEXT THING.”

Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, and guidance are given.
Fear not tomorrows, child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, do the next thing

Do it immediately, do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing,
Leave all results, do the next thing.

Looking for Jesus, ever serener,
Working or suffering, be thy demeanor;
In His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
The light of His countenance be thy psalm,
Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing.
Then, as He beckons thee, do the next thing.

But Rather By Means of Good Works

Being a wise and godly woman involves more than just donning the right outfit. Putting on a cotton prairie dress and some makeup can change your appearance, and that’s fine, but it doesn’t change your heart or get the work done for you.

prairie dress good work done christian

Please don’t let the algorithm or someone else’s business model determine who you are, how you dress, and what you do. Stay rooted in God’s word, dressing in a way that fits your profession of faith (and your daily activity!), and devoted to walking in the good works that God has prepared for you (1 Tim. 5:10 & Eph. 2:10).

women roll up sleeves good works

Dear Father,

Help us to be women who are willing to roll up our sleeves, to step into the messes of life to lend a helping hand to our brothers and sisters in need. Help us to not be afraid to get dirty, having the heart of a true servant, like our Lord Jesus who stooped down to wash the feet of His disciples and to heal those who were sick or unclean.

May we see all of our work—in our homes, in our jobs or studies, in Your church, in our local communities, and even reaching to other nations—may we see all of it as an opportunity to serve others and adorn the gospel, the message of good news that while we were sinners, utterly lost in our rebellion, hopeless to gain salvation by our own works—that You, Jesus, lived that perfect life that pleases God, that You died on the cross as a payment for our sins, so that simply by placing our faith and hope in You, Jesus, we could be forgiven and gain full acceptance into Your family.

Help us to trust in You, Jesus, to see our sin and need for salvation, that no amount of our own good works can save us. But may we also see Your incredible love for us and Your offer of forgiveness and the hope of eternal life. May we do good works because You have done the ultimate work, and it is finished. May we rest in grace and labor in love. It’s in Your sweet name, Jesus, that we pray. Amen.

Here are the other posts in this series:
Wise Women Build Up, Part 1: Godly Wisdom
Wise Women Build Up, Part 2: Good Works (that’s this post!)
Wise Women Build Up, Part 3: Gracious Words

Wise Women Build Up, Part One: Godly Wisdom

30 Wednesday Apr 2025

Posted by in Home and Family, Living Faith

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The following article and the two that follow it are talks that I gave at a women’s retreat in my area. The theme was “Pioneer Women”, and the scriptures were chosen for me. So you could say I was writing and speaking to a prompt, which was a new and fun challenge. It was a fruitful exercise for me and a delight to get to share some insights from God’s word with the lovely ladies who gathered to hear it. I hope you’ll find it to be an encouragement to you, as well.
This first article discusses a Christian woman’s Godly Wisdom, and the two following articles flow from that, digging deeper into the Good Works and Gracious Words that ought to flow from hearts that have been redeemed by the love of God through the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I’m not a pioneer woman. Although we live on seven acres, homeschool, make most of our food from scratch, and tend a large garden, we don’t have animals [yet], and we live close enough to town that lately I end up going there for activities and errands most days of the week, so I wouldn’t call myself a homesteader and certainly not a pioneer woman.

But I know someone who fits the description pretty well. In fact, I have used Proverbs 14:1, our passage for today, about this friend of mine, because she has been literally building her house along with her husband, debt free on a teacher’s salary up in north central Arkansas with lumber they milled themselves right there on the family land. They’ve also got a cow and chickens and goats and cats, she makes her own kombucha, and they’re homeschooling the oldest few of their five young children. They’re really doing it. And it’s kinda crazy and truly inspiring. We go up to visit them every summer to pitch in, and it’s a blast.

We’re not all going to live that kind of lifestyle, but I think we can all recognize the incredible spunk and resourcefulness, patience and intention that go into that kind of undertaking. So in this article we’re going to explore how we can apply some of those same pioneer woman qualities in our own context.

First, we’ll cover Proverbs 14:1 looking at what Godly Wisdom is and does.

Then, we’ll see how our passage lays only two options before us. And I’ll give you five habits of a wise woman that can help you think through your own situation.

Finally, I’ll tell you about the great recognition that might just change the way you think about your home life.

What Godly Wisdom Is and Does

Our first scripture for today reminds us of the power and influence we have over our household. How we show up at home matters today as much as it did in times past.

Here’s Proverbs 14:1:

The wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.

In the broader context of Proverbs, this verse simply continues the contrast between wisdom and folly. The wise do this, and the foolish do that. Lady wisdom, as the idea of wisdom is often personified, does something positive, while Lady folly, her foolish counterpart, does something negative, sometimes with disastrous consequences.

Lady wisdom, or that wise woman of Proverbs, builds her house. But before we talk about building, we probably ought to understand what it means to be wise according to the Bible.

What is wisdom? In God’s word, wisdom carries both the idea of understanding what is good and right and best before God AND choosing or doing what is good and right and best in our own given situation. All of our practical wisdom can develop freely and in many creative directions if we first submit our hearts and minds to God, reverently loving what He loves and hating what He hates.

To give us some idea of what wisdom looks like in practice, here are some examples of what wisdom does:

Wisdom fears the Lord.

Wisdom seeks for knowledge and understanding rather than waiting around for it.

Wisdom pays attention.

Wisdom sees needs in advance and plans to meet them in a timely manner.

Wisdom sees harm in advance and prepares to avoid or endure it well.

Wisdom chooses the truth over the half truth or lies, the good over the bad, the effective over the ineffective (but also creative beauty over mere efficiency), to build rather than to destroy, to work with excellence rather than sloppiness (but it also prefers good enough and done over paralyzing perfectionism).

Wisdom considers all of the moving pieces of a household, whether people, animals, plants, or inanimate objects, and seeks to manage them well and for the health and flourishing of each member.

Wisdom speaks skillfully and with kindness; and is quiet when necessary, too.

James 3:13-18 gives us a good description of godly wisdom in contrast to worldly wisdom:

Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

The negative traits that James lists give us a picture of the kind of woman who might tear down her household or those around her: “bitter jealousy” “selfish ambition” “arrogance” “lies” “disorder” “hypocrisy”.

Are those things that you bring to your home? Or does your presence in your home bring with it “gentleness” “understanding” “good behavior” “purity” “peace” “reasonableness” “mercy” “good fruits” “righteousness”?

We don’t accidentally produce good fruit. We grow in godly wisdom and the fruit of the Spirit by depending upon the Lord, anchoring ourselves in His word, and practicing what we’re learning—with a lot of confession and repentance and resting in Jesus’ along the way when we get it wrong.

Only Two Options

Proverbs 14:1 paints a picture of only two options: a wise woman who actively builds up her household; and a foolish woman who actively tears it down. There is no neutral third party. Either you contribute to the good of your household, or you work toward its destruction by your complacency.

Now, I’m not talking about being a perfectionist, but I am talking about being faithful to do what you can.
Proverbs warns us that “The lazy man is brother to him who destroys.”

Think about it: If you simply ignore the dust bunnies, will they go away or get bigger? Do your floors clean themselves? Does the clutter go away if you ignore it? No, all of these get worse with time and use. We can tear our house down by our neglect. (I’m learning now just how important maintenance is—for our homes and possessions and our aging bodies. Maintenance is required!) We’d like to be able to just ignore it all and do whatever new thing peaks our interest, but that’s not the way this sin-cursed world works. Things tend toward entropy. Toward falling apart and breaking down.

If we are merely indifferent toward our responsibilities to care for, to steward, the good things God has graciously given us, then we are actually contributing toward their destruction.

Think about how this works in relationships. If your husband or sibling or roommate always responded to you with blank looks and a mopey attitude, would you feel like they were close to you, or would you feel like they were moving away from you? Like maybe they had something against you? If we are not actively investing in the people in our lives—by looking them in the eyes, smiling at them, and engaging with them with interest and real concern, we are actually tearing down our relationships by our lack of investing in them. It’s been said that the opposite of love is not hate but rather indifference. Watch out that indifference doesn’t creep into your relationships.

Weather we’re talking about seeds in the garden or relationships in our home, if we don’t water it, it’s not gonna grow, and it might just die.

Five Habits of a Wise Woman

So, how can we be wise and intentional builders rather than foolish and negligent destroyers? How do we translate the idea-level wisdom of Scripture into a boots-on-the-ground wisdom that builds up our homes and people? Well, we need to first understand that wisdom discerns what best honors God and serves people in a real time and place. So there isn’t a cookie-cutter answer. But we can learn how to prayerfully think through our own situation and season of life.

To that end, here are FIVE habits of a wise woman that can help us to be builders in our homes. We need to PRIORITIZE, or put first things first, ATTEND to those things that are our priorities, IMAGINE what is possible for our homes and people, ESTABLISH rhythms or routines to help us follow through on our intentions, and ACQUIRE the skills necessary to do our duties and love our people well. If you have paper or a notebook handy, write down each habit and answer the questions or prompts listed under each.

PRIORITIZE

The commands and examples of scripture call us to prioritize home as the first place of ministry and as the place from which we can do good works for the glory of God beyond our front door. Remember that godly wisdom isn’t hypocritical. We ought to be practicing Christian virtue and service at home—where only our families or roommates—or maybe even only God—sees how we live.

So. —Who and what are you responsible for? List everything that comes to mind.

Circle those people and things that you are most responsible for before God. Think of where you live. An apartment? House? Assisted living? Think of who you live with or who is nearby.

If you wear the title “wife” or “mom” then you are irreplaceable in those roles. Make sure you show up for them first and always. If you are the only daughter of your parents, or you siblings’ only sister, know that you are irreplaceable in those relationships, too.

ATTEND

See your home and see your people—give your attention to each. It’s said about that Proverbs 31 woman that “She looks well to the ways of her household.” Look and really see both the people and the things around you. And write them down.

List what each one needs from you. Then circle those things that would make the most difference for them if you did them.

You can’t do everything. So evaluating and prioritizing are things we have to do again and again. When we have to do it on the fly, I call it triage. And I’ve been doing it a LOT lately since we’re into our second month of a home remodel project along with track season for the boys and a host of other projects.

The constant question isn’t how can I get it all done—instead it’s what can I not afford to leave undone? Some days or weeks that will be a task or project or something with a deadline; other times, it’s a conversation or other investment in a relationship that is timely and simply cannot wait.

Attend to yourself: The woman sets the tone of the household–your emotions are the thermostat. Are you heating things up? Are you cold toward others? Or are you pleasantly warm or cool to meet the needs in your home?

Do the members of your home need more hugs? How can you show appropriate physical affection? A hand on the shoulder to encourage a friend or roommate. Hugging your kids. When they get on your nerves, give them a hug rather than running away from them. It will probably calm you both down.

This is also a great opportunity to make plans to encourage the people in your home. Don’t leave this to chance. Take a quiet moment to think about who they are and what they do—and how you can praise and thank them for what they do well.

It’s hard to obey the command to consider the needs of others if you aren’t even aware of them. So start paying attention.

IMAGINE the good that is possible

It might be surprising to hear that cultivating imagination can help you live out your faith and build up your home and family. But the more our culture breaks ties between one generation and the generation that came before it, the more we are left in the dark about how godly women have done this job well in past ages. We lose touch with history and traditional skills and biblical family dynamics. And our TV and movies don’t usually give us pictures of these things—or if they do, they don’t often hold them up with dignity and encouragement.

Perhaps even more disturbing, with screens replacing face-to-face human interaction, we as a society are losing touch with the basic skills and manners that nourish relationships. We need instruction and imagination to think ahead about how to prefer others in social settings, or to understand what another person might be going through. I’ll just straight up tell you, that I’ve had to learn and grow a lot in that department over the years.

Read Christian books on homemaking—whether you work outside of the home or not, whether you’re married or single. They can inspire you—because making our homes a more enjoyable place to live and to share with others is a wonderful way to imitate God in His creative and sustaining work. Books by Sally Clarkson are a great place to start (I’ve enjoyed The Life Giving Home more than once).

What would make your home just a little more beautiful? Don’t break the bank—it can be a bunch of wildflowers collected from the side of the road that you put in a drinking glass on your desk or the kitchen table. What small touch can you add that will show yourself and others that you care for the space?

ESTABLISH rhythms of work and rest, fellowship and availability and solitude

If we’ve set our priorities and identified real needs, we ought to be intentional about making space for them in our schedule.

Is God’s word a part of your routine? Do you share that with the members of your household? Do you pray with them? For them? To build them up in the faith?

Meal times can be a great opportunity to attach bible reading to something that already happens during your day.

What would it take to make regular family meals a reality in your home if it isn’t already? Or, if you’re ready to level up, to have someone over for dinner once a week?

Do you plan times of rest into your days and weeks? Do you make space for screen-free family or roommate time where the focus is on each other and not on digital media?

Pick one or two building actions that you want to put into place this week—and choose ahead of time when you will do them. Establish a routine.

ACQUIRE skills and tools

As you are attending to your home and your people, you’ll probably start to notice that there are things that don’t come naturally, areas where you need a lot of growth or don’t know exactly what to do. That’s ok! Get started anyway. But take notes on what skills or tools you need to add to your tool box. What are they? Write them down! Seek out both physical skills and social graces. Look around at your sisters in Christ who do any of these things well. Imitate them or ask them to teach you.

The Great Recognition:

GOD IS A MEMBER OF YOUR HOUSEHOLD—This may be most notable for those who live alone.

If you live alone, who is there with your thoughts and actions? You and God. Are you building each of them up? Do your words to yourself ring true—do they build you up in the faith? Or do they tear you down? Are your thoughts about yourself and others always critical, echoing the voice of the accuser? Or are you renewing your mind with God’s word?

Are your thoughts about God and your prayers to Him what they ought to be? God deserves our praise, even more than the people who may live in our homes need our encouragement. Do we recognize that God is with us? As the central figure in our home? How does the goal of building your house change when you consider that, if you are a believer in Jesus, He is there with you in the quietness of your home? Do you “build up” your thoughts of God with the truth of Scripture?

Now God is so big and self-sustaining that He doesn’t need anything from us. But He desires our childlike trust, our responsive love, and our sincere thanks and adoration for all He is and all He has done for us. And He invites us to join Him in the work that He’s doing in the world.

So as you consider building up the people in your home, please do not forget that God is a part of your household. That your relationship with Jesus and your thoughts of Him, as well as those of everyone else in your home, need to be built up, too.

Bringing It Home

The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands. We need godly wisdom that fears the Lord, ordering all of our loves and actions under His Lordship and authority and putting to use all that God has given us to point to the grace of God in Christ Jesus.

Please don’t underestimate the power of a warm home and a healthy, loving family in this kingdom-building work. So many people are coming from broken homes and broken situations. Nothing out there in the world can replace the home they should have had. But our homes, surrendered to the Lord and made welcoming for people, can be a place of love and warmth that points others to the love of God.

So, like the strong, resourceful pioneer women, with a prayer and a plan, let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work.

How do you plan to build up your people and your home this week?

Here are the other posts in this series:
Wise Women Build Up, Part 1: Godly Wisdom (that’s this post!)
Wise Women Build Up, Part 2: Good Works
Wise Women Build Up, Part 3: Gracious Words

How My MIL Made Me Clean My Microwave

24 Saturday Feb 2024

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Mother-in-law stories. Many of us have them, for better or for worse. I’ve got one that might just shock you.

My microwave oven gets cleaned pretty regularly these days, but it has not always been this way. In fact, it used to get pretty horrendously filthy due to my neglect. That is, until my mother-in-law butted-in several years ago and insisted that I keep it clean.

How did she insist upon this, you may ask? Well, I’ll tell you.

She had the nerve to notice that the microwave was dirty, and then, often without saying a word, she would clean it for me.

That’s it, folks. The nerve!

She would do this nearly every time she came over to my house. She never nagged me, she just did it. I began to feel bad that she was doing what ought to have been my job. “You don’t have to do that!” I would insist. But she would just smile, shrug, and brush it off—and still clean the microwave.

Mothers-in-law can be stubborn, can’t they?

The only way I could win this one was to actually keep the microwave clean so that she wouldn’t have to clean it.

Initially, her love and my shame mixed together in my heart and mind to start the habit, and over time, I began to appreciate having a clean microwave for myself.

And, as mothers-in-law are wont to notice things, mine took notice, too.

“It’s clean! Well! Good job!”

This kind of thing wasn’t a new habit for her. She’d already been commenting on the state of the bathroom when she’d visit: “Your bathroom is always so clean!”

Persistent with that manipulation, isn’t she?

Never mind that she was usually there when we were hosting our house church, so I had cleaned the bathroom the day before–or even just that morning. She wouldn’t hear those excuses, either. She still insisted that I was doing well.

She’s stubborn, I tell you. Through and through.

—————

I sure hope your mother-in-law is sweet and stubborn in all the same ways as mine. But if she isn’t, instead of playing the comparison game, how about take some notes? I know I am. I have a pretty good idea what kind of mother-in-law I want to be some day. Maybe I can practice being that kind of mentor and friend now…

There’s a place for tough love, to be sure. Sometimes a timely rebuke or even a shaking of the shoulders is necessary. But there are other times in a young woman’s life that the most effective means of Titus-two mentorship come from simply showing up, cleaning something, and praising what she’s doing well.

And if she tries to evade the compliment or prevent you from helping, just smile, shrug, and keep at it. Be stubborn in the best kind of way.

That’s how my mother-in-law convinced me to keep my microwave clean. And I’m thankful that she did.

If you’re just itching for another microwave story, you may also like: Love Covers a Multitude of Sins…and Spills?

Book Review: Adorned by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

23 Thursday Nov 2023

Posted by in Books, Home and Family

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I just finished listening to this book and wanted to write a review before I forgot what I’d heard!

Adorned: Living Out the Beauty of the Gospel Together by Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth

My rating: 4 of 5 stars
(More like 3.5 rounded up.)

This was a good and edifying read/listen. Wolgemuth brings much-needed exhortation to women–young and old, married or single–to step up and reach out to make the Titus 2 vision of life-on-life discipleship of Christian women a reality.

This is a pretty thorough treatment of Titus 2:3-5 and the broader context of Paul’s letter to Titus, with an emphasis on adorning the gospel and with plenty of examples and support from other passages of scripture as well. It’s written with a very accessible tone and a heart that clearly loves the Lord Jesus and God’s people.

I thought the chapter on slander was particularly good.

I give this book 4 rather than 5 stars for a few reasons, however.

While the treatment is thorough, it is also pretty wordy. It could have been a shorter book.

The two chapters on sobriety and a sound mind/self-control overlapped a lot, and each felt like an opportunity to spring-board into a laundry list of any and all possible ways a woman might be enslaved to something or be lacking in self-control. One warning area was being overly desirous of sex–even in the proper context of marriage. While this might be a problem in some rare? cases, it seems strange to warn against this but not spend much energy in the rest of the book on promoting the enjoyment of this good gift of God as a part of a healthy marriage. Flirtatious behavior was also in the bad column but not mentioned as a healthy and fun part of marriage. Protecting the purity of your marriage involves fueling the home fires. This was almost entirely neglected.

I’m sure these kinds of practical lists (like the chart on self-control) can be helpful to some readers, but I think they may also be stretching far beyond what Paul had in mind in his letter, not to mention they may be unbalanced or biblically incomplete.

The application of a passage should not be confused for the original intent. I think the author could have clarified the meaning of Paul’s words a bit more before diving into the many possible applications that are a step (or a few!) removed from Paul’s obvious meaning.

For example: “not enslaved to much wine” is pretty self-explanatory, but Wolgemuth begins the chapter on this phrase by talking about all of the secondary applications (basically any form of excess or idolatry). She does get around to dealing with drunkenness/drinking, and she does a good job for the most part, but she doesn’t really ever paint a picture of a godly woman who can enjoy a drink on occasion. The only stories we read of are negative experiences with alcohol or of someone who could righteously enjoy alcohol deciding to give it up for the sake of someone else (which is fine–wonderful even!, but still only shows one side of how godly people could handle it). There are also a ton of questions that lead the reader to question whether it is ever ok to drink. I’m actually not against these questions–they can be good to consider. But lacking a positive example, it feels unbalanced and would likely lead some readers to view those who do drink responsibly with suspicion. The weight of the chapter was just far beyond what Paul’s words to Titus had to say. The author did recommend reading other authors who disagree with her on this point, so I really think she attempted to handle this subject carefully and with all good faith. I respect her convictions and intentions– I’m not too far removed from them myself.

Again, on the whole, this is a very good book. It could be beneficial and edifying for individual study or in a discipleship relationship or small group. BUT when it comes to fleshing out the details, young married women (the target audience of Titus 2:4-5) will need older women who have been married for the long haul to speak more deeply into their lives about (among other things) the good gift of sex in marriage and how to enjoy one another and keep that gift alive–through pregnancies, illnesses, rough seasons, etc.

The strength of this book is that Wolgemuth can speak to a broad range of experience for women–including singles. The weakness is that she has only been married for one year at the time of writing this book, at age 58. And Titus 2:4-5 is directly speaking to young married women. Broadening the focus for all kinds of women means watering down what can be given to that target audience. This doesn’t make this a bad book, it just means it probably shouldn’t be the only book a young woman reads on Titus 2. And it underscores the need for real-life mentorship, which Wolgemuth herself rightly emphasizes over and over.

One last note: since I listened to the audio book, I found the chapter organization to be a bit confusing. I expected (and honestly would have preferred for) the chapter topics to follow the order in which they occurred in Titus 2. But they don’t. They are organized a little differently: A Woman Under God (doctrine and reverence), A Woman Under Control (slander, excess, self-control, purity), and A Woman Under Her Roof (home and family relationships). The rather primary encouragement to younger women to love their husbands and children gets put off until part three. Once I looked up the table of contents, I was fine. But for a while there, I was concerned. Hopefully this note helps anyone who plans to listen to the audiobook rather than read a physical copy.

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Addendum: Another part of the book that lacked much practical application was the area of homemaking. The chapter was good, but it stayed big-picture and didn’t really get into the nitty-gritty details of keeping home. If you’re looking for a book with a biblical view of home that will also show you how to roll up your sleeves and manage it well, check out Mystie Winckler’s new book: Simplified Organization: Learning to Love What Must Be Done. It is FANTASTIC. (See my review of that book on Amazon.)

Have you read Adorned? What were your thoughts? Have you read any other good books on Titus 2 lately?

Titus 2 and the Dunbar Number: Social Limits and Priorities

24 Friday Sep 2021

Posted by in Home and Family, Living Faith

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I’ve been on a bit of a minimalist kick lately, decluttering my house, my closet, my recipes, my priorities, you name it. While I don’t necessarily hold to minimalism as a whole-life philosophy, I find that it does offer some necessary push-back to our modern tendencies to be “ever expanding,” whether that be in our possessions, resources, opportunities, or social connections.

On that last item, social connections, I recently read an article explaining the theory of what’s called the Dunbar Number. A British anthropologist named Robin Dunbar posited (after some research on primates and combing through human records) that the greatest number of meaningful connections any one person can hold at a given time is about 150.

Titus two dunbar number social connections family

I have to admit I had quite the confirmation bias response to this article, because not too long ago I was explaining to my husband that I have social limits, and I simply cannot keep up with all-the-people, and I certainly don’t have energy for continually adding to the number of all-the-people to whom I feel some measure of social obligation.

With interest and perhaps some of that confirmation bias running through my veins, I decided I’d see where my current number of connections stood. I pulled out my brain dump notebook and began to write down all of the people with whom I have some meaningful or working connection. I started with family. That easily reached over 30 people. Then it was long-standing friends. You know, the people you may or may not see each year but whom you are committed in some way to maintaining for the long haul: again, over 30. Neighbors came to about 20. Homeschool connections almost 30. Church connections (which is small right now because we’re still new at our local church): about 15. And then I listed those who are a bit more distant but still qualify under this idea of meaningful connection: 60 or more. If you just add up the rounded numbers I’ve listed, that makes 185, more than the Dunbar Number (150). No wonder I feel a bit overwhelmed and like I can’t add any more.

But guess what kinds of people I didn’t add to any of those lists of contacts? For the most part, I didn’t include online-only relationships. There are seven ladies who make the cut because they are part of an online stand-up/accountability group. Other than those ladies, every other person on the list has some real-life, meaningful or workable connection (or has had in the past and therefore they are on the list).

What this little exercise demonstrated for me was twofold: One, there isn’t really any room for me to build or even maintain relationships on social media or other online platforms. No wonder I feel a little overwhelmed trying to keep up. Two, even these connections that I wrote down are pushing the limit, and I need to prioritize.

Now, Dunbar’s theory itself has prioritization built in. He suggests that any one person can have only about 5 people in their inner circle—these are loved ones, your most trusted and closest kind of friends (large families can adjust this number accordingly, IMO). Next up are “good friends,” of which you can maintain about 15 (or just ten more than the 5 closest friends we already mentioned). There are about 50 that can be called “friends” in a meaningful way before our own capacity is stretched enough to make the term “friend” less meaningful (I’m looking at you, Facebook). And then the next jump is up to that limit of 150 meaningful contacts. Beyond that, the study claims we could have face-recognition of up to 1500 people–but not meaningful relationships. I can’t say I’ve taken the time to test the limits on that last one.

Now, all of this should be taken with a grain of salt. The Dunbar Number is a theory, not gospel nor scientific law. But it is interesting, isn’t it?

I’ve titled this article “Titus 2 and the Dunbar Number,” so it’s about time I brought this back around. As Christians, we know that the greatest commandments are to love God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength and to love our neighbor as ourselves. And while Jesus insisted that anyone who we find in need of our help can be considered our neighbor (see the parable of the good Samaritan), in today’s times, we tend to be over-exposed to people and needs via the internet and social media, skewing our sense of responsibility away from our nearest neighbors and toward those far from us.

The impact here is both quantitative in that we’re compelled to give emotional energy toward more people than we have capacity for and qualitative in that we’re tempted to prioritize (at least in the moment) people far away from us, for whom we are not most responsible. The issue here isn’t that caring for people far away is bad (it’s good to be concerned for people in different places than we are), it’s just unnatural to have a constant reminder of them and to be pulled away from the people literally right in front of us or across the street. The combination of those quantitative and qualitative elements makes for a rather big challenge, especially if we take seriously the call to “love our neighbor.” We’re left asking Jesus for clarification, “Who is my neighbor?”

This is where Titus 2 comes in. Some people hate this passage because they see it as limiting women to the home, keeping them barefoot and pregnant, etc. But I think we can see it in a different light. Here it is for your consideration:

Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, not malicious gossips nor enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, so that they may encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands, so that the word of God will not be dishonored.

Titus 2:3-5

If we are to love God and love people, the first place that we ought to practice that God-honoring people-love is within our own households. What Titus 2 (and a few other passages) implies to me is that this temptation to concern and even distract ourselves with people “out there” isn’t something only modern social media mavens have experienced. Even women in the first century needed the reminder that a love that isn’t fulfilling its duty at home first is a hypocritical love that can lead to the gospel being blasphemed, the good news being spoken of as if it’s bad.

Now before anyone throws stones because they think I’m promoting “the patriarchy,” let me be the first to say that this principle holds true for men as well. It’s why elders are supposed to be good managers of their own households before they are recognized as leaders in the church (1 Timothy 3:1-7, Titus 1:5-9). It’s why a man that doesn’t provide for his own is called “worse than an unbeliever” (1 Timothy 5:8). The call to prioritize the people right in front of us is universal. This responsibility to one’s own household is why singleness is, for some, an effective state to be in for the sake of ministry to others: because the man or woman who isn’t tied down has more time and energy to devote to the Lord, which may include serving others beyond the home in a way that the married person simply can’t (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). But that’s more the exception than the norm for believers. Most of us are called to marry and build families to the glory of God.

So the reminder in Titus 2 to love your husband and love your children and focus on the work that must be done to keep the home running well isn’t slavish or limiting. It’s a sane call to put first things first. The calling toward home and family doesn’t necessarily preclude other callings, but it does take precedence over them.

And, if you think about it, all of this makes sense in light of Dunbar’s thoughts on human social capacity. We each may vary in terms of our social capacity, and some of us may need to cut back while others may need to stretch themselves. But at the end of the day, we all have limits. And we all have to choose how we will use the limited resources we’ve been given.

How about you? Do you feel our modern connected world pulls your attention away from the folks that matter most to you?

We may not need to dump online community and resources altogether, but might it be helpful to imagine what our priorities would look like if those things didn’t exist. Join me for a thought experiment?

If the internet didn’t exist, what would you want your family life to look like? How might you prioritize your husband? Your children? If you are in a different stage of life: your roommate, parents or siblings, or extended family?

If the internet didn’t exist, what would you do to get to know your neighbors? To be a blessing to them?

If the internet didn’t exist, what would you do to get to know the people at your church better? How might you reach out to discover needs and meet them? In your church and your local community?

If the internet didn’t exist to make long distance relationships many-and-easy, who would you 100% want to keep in touch with–even if it meant more effort?

On Being “At Home”

02 Monday Mar 2020

Posted by in Home and Family

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Some days the house just gets to me. Too many unfinished projects, too much clutter, too much to clean.

Life gets to me. When will I ever find the time or the willpower to drop those 20 pounds and feel strong again?

The temptation to despair of life in this body, in this house, arises from thoughts like these. And that’s ok, right? Because I’m supposed to be looking forward to my eternal home. So this hum-glum existence until then is just par for the course. A right of passage, you might say.

Or is it?

After recently wrestling through such thoughts, I’ve come to see that in order to be actually looking forward to our eternal home, we need to learn to be grateful for the home we’re in now. Let me back up a couple weeks to explain…

learning to be at home warm content

I stand at the window on a crisp, February morning, staring out through two panes of glass into 30-degree weather.

And I am warm.

This is a good house.

It’s a timely reminder that halts the grumbly thoughts in my head, and I take a deep breath. The knots on my forehead begin to unravel.

As I consider the cold that I am not feeling, I begin to notice how my hands are resting firmly–one on the window sill and the other against the corner of the wall, framing the window. I take a moment to really feel that wall.

It’s sturdy. It’s withstood 70-mile-per-hour winds and little boys ramming into it.

This is a good house.

In the midst of the mess and hustle and bustle of a family that lives, learns, and works at home, and especially ten months into a “five-week” exterior remodeling project, it can be hard to enjoy just being at home.

It can be hard to see the beauty in the home that I’m making when unfinished projects crowd my view. But if I take a moment to sit and observe–not with a critical eye and a running to-do list but rather with eyes enlightened by grace–I begin to see not my work nor my lack of work but gifts of God.

I can wonder at how well we are provided for. Not only by my husband but by the mind-blowing development of things like running water, central heating, and washing machines. And the incredible blessing of dirty little hands, red cheeks and noses, and piles of clothes that signify the beautifully rambunctious lives that fill this place.

There’s another temporary house I’ve been given, and sometimes (many times?) I look at it with the same kind of scrutinizing fix-it-up mentality that I use to greet my dirty linoleum-tile kitchen floor.

My body isn’t as young or strong or capable as it once was. My knees give me trouble, and I’m currently four weeks into a bout with some combination of cold, allergies, bronchitis, and asthma. I’m well enough to function, but I’m not functioning well.

While there’s work to be done for my health and strength (and time required for recovery), I’m finding that there’s also a desperate need to learn to rest–not just physically, but to simply be in this body, just as I have to learn to be in my home, dilapidated as each may seem.

Whatever degradation may come, this body has run races and climbed mountains.

This body has carried, birthed, and nursed two sons–not without complications, but still, it has.

This body has given hugs and held hands.

And it still seems to get me from point A to point B pretty effectively.

It can still kneel prayer, sing in worship, and offer hands to serve.

It’s a good body.

It’s a good gift.

If we are to serve the Lord with gladness there is a real sense in which we need to learn to be at home in our houses and in our bodies. Not in some self-exalting or self-excusing way, but in a very real and contented and Christian way. We need to learn to be at home in our houses and bodies because they are the primary places and primary tools we have for worship and service. And they are gifts that the Lord not only gives but also fills.

He’s not afraid of nor ashamed of broken vessels. In fact, He delights to redeem them.

My house, my body–these are places to be filled with the grace and love and Spirit of Christ. They are not forever, of course. They are a mere shadow of things to come. But as we embrace the “homes” that our Father has graciously given now and by faith see how He transforms and fills them, we are in a better position to truly appreciate and anticipate the Kingdom Home He is preparing for us–a new creation and a resurrected body that are both whole and wholly filled with His presence.

Too often we look with discontentment at our earthly state and say with a grumble, “Well, I’m glad I’ll get a new body and a new home someday.”

But the eyes of faith see the good in God’s gifts both now and in eternity–because the eyes of faith focus more on the goodness of God Himself than on the frailty of our here-and-now. We need not spurn His hand in this life in order to treasure it in the next.

May we have such eyes to see and receive God’s gracious provision–to be at home where He has us now, gladly doing His will until He calls us to that better Home in glory.

on being at home christian mom body image homemaking

Alone? Unseen? You’re in Good Company.

30 Thursday Aug 2018

Posted by in Home and Family, Living Faith

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It was one of those less-than-ideal Sunday mornings.

The church meeting was to be at our house this week, but we had been busy and the weekly housecleaning hadn’t exactly happened when it was supposed to.

So, as has been the case more times than I care to admit, quite a bit of tidying was left to be done on Sunday. You know, the day of restful, refreshing time with the Lord and His people.

Yeah, Sunday.

Usually my sweet husband takes care of breakfast for our family on Sunday mornings and even helps straighten up when we’re hosting, but this particular Lord’s day, breakfast was all he had time to contribute. I found myself not-exactly-joyfully decluttering the living room, coaching the kids on sweeping the floors, and cleaning up the breakfast mess in the kitchen. Not to mention preparing the elements for communion and doing something (anything!) to make myself look presentable.

My personal quiet time with the Lord didn’t happen that morning, either. Instead of recognizing Jesus was with me anyway, I pouted. Instead of serving the saints with joy, resentment began to build.

There were probably several things building up to this point, but I can’t remember all the details. I just know I felt very alone in my work. Ragged, unnoticed, uncared for, and alone.

I’m pretty sure the resentment didn’t die down in time to greet people warmly as they arrived. In fact, I remember finally coming downstairs after changing into sensible clothes and doing something with my hair and makeup to find that everyone was seated in the living room.

It was hard to sing joyfully.

But then came time for communion.

It’s difficult to hold on to your resentment when the bread and wine silently tell of the One who died for it. 

My thoughts began to spin. I felt alone. He bore my sin alone. I can’t remember, but I think one of the men mentioned something to that effect as they served the Lord’s supper.

Wherever they came from, the meditations on communion spoke to my heart. I’d had a lot of resentment–not just this particular morning, but as a pattern recently. For times when I felt forgotten, alone, neglected, and unhelped in my work–in the cleaning and regular upkeep of life, and most freshly in getting the house ready for church.

Well, I considered, Jesus was betrayed by Judas and abandoned by His followers and friends when He faced His greatest trial, His most weighty work. Jesus bore the wrath of God against sin utterly alone. It wasn’t right. And yet He submitted Himself to it without grumbling, but as the will of God.

He laid down His rights.

There was no defending my resentment at this point. There was only room for repentance.

And comfort.

After all, Jesus, my High Priest, could identify with everything I was feeling. And in all the places where sin merged with those feelings, He had made provision for that, too.

Isn’t the Lord’s table such a precious gift to the body of Christ?!?

alone unseen company

After communion, my thoughts turned to the hidden care of God. When my service and work is overlooked, or taken for granted, or underestimated, I can remember that God is all the time doing good to people who do not see it or appreciate it.

When God says to “do in secret” and that He rewards what is “done in secret”, I don’t think it is only a test of our awareness of God and our desire to please Him. It certainly is this, but I see something more. I think the command must also procede from the character of God–that He Himself delights to “do in secret” and that we should be like Him.

The flowers of the field, we are reminded in the same passage, are beautifully arrayed. The lesson of God’s greater care for His people is clearly connected to our observation of the flowers we can see, but have you ever thought of the fact that God makes beautiful flowers that no human eye sees before they whither and die?

If we aren’t there to behold it, does it mean that the beauty and glory of God isn’t there? No.

He creates beauty and shines light in places where we have yet to venture. So much of His handiwork is unseen to us. I can’t help but think He must take some pleasure in His own work regardless of man’s interaction with or appreciation of it. 

The implications of this on homemaking are numerous, though I won’t slog through the details here. Suffice it to say, these thoughts exposed yet again how far my self-focused and praise-hungry heart is from the heart of a God who lays down His life for His enemies and who lavishes the earth with unseen and unsung goodness.

Is it too much that I’m called to find joy in serving others? Too much that I have a home to care for and that most of that work falls to me? Too much to trust and persevere even when I feel alone and unnoticed? Even when I am alone and unnoticed?

No. I’m not really alone in any of it. There’s one who sees and cares when it seems no one else does.

My great God and Savior has been there. He knows what it is to be alone. He knows what it is to be unappreciated, and on a scale far greater I can imagine.

Yes, I’m in good company.

We, dear sisters, are in good company.

 

Self-Doubt, God-Doubt

15 Thursday Mar 2018

Posted by in Living Faith

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We humans are funny creatures, we can look at our own performance and find it wanting and then look up to the heavens and ask, “God, are you even there?”

self doubt god doubt woman sad

I originally wanted to wax eloquent on this topic, but I’ve recently found myself smack in the middle of it.

Life has been a bit heavy lately.  February brought with it several weeks with a house guest, an impending but yet-unsettled job change, my grandma in the hospital, and a whooping cough scare in our family and close friends.  Just when things seemed to ease up, there’s more emotional heaviness, my husband’s grandma in the hospital, a running injury, a minor car accident, and my house is a wreck as we prepare for my husband to start working from home.

I can count my blessings, to be sure—the Lord has been good to us.  But the past few days as I’ve been trying to keep up with schooling the boys, supporting others, reorganizing all the things, and nursing my physical injuries, I’ve just come up short.

This out-of-control season, with its full load of stress—good and bad—has gotten to me.

I’m not strong enough to bear it.  I’m not together enough to catch up on the cleaning, the cooking, the financial planning, the interrupted school days, you name it.  It seems there are so many plates spinning and people needing and I’m failing them all.

Yesterday I couldn’t really enjoy anything.  I was dull to any feeling but sadness.  Emotionally needy.  Physically hurting.  Spiritually exhausted.

And my pride doesn’t like the feel of it all.

At times like these it’s easy to get discouraged.  My glaring limitations stare me down, and I allow my personal gloominess to cloud my view of the Sovereign God who loves me.

The truth is, I’m finite.  Limited.  Small.  That’s part of what it means to be a creature in contrast to the Creator.  And while it might shock me at times when I’m faced with my limits, God isn’t surprised.  “He is conscious of [my] frame, He is mindful that [I am] but dust.”

But all too often instead of looking up to see the One who is strong for me, I continue to look within and mourn my lack of God-like power over my circumstances.

When my self-confidence wanes, I find my wayward heart can project that same lack of confidence onto the Lord.  Have you ever done the same?

“Things aren’t going my way!  I can’t get control of this!  I can’t seem to get control of myself!  God, are You even there?”

That’s not exactly a rational train of thought, is it?

On our good days we might think of ourselves as “independent”, “self-sufficient”, “got-it-together”, “responsible”, “emotionally stable”, and, let’s be honest, just plain “awesome”.

And then when things fall apart, “I’m failing at everything.” “I’m a burden to others.” “I’m a hot mess.”  “I just can’t even.”

Been there?

Sometimes our confidence fails because it was misplaced to begin with.  Sometimes our faith falters because we took our eyes off the Lord long before things went sour.

I’m not necessarily saying the hard times and our failings are caused by this misplaced confidence (though sometimes that might be the case).  What I’m saying is that when our confidence is shaken, it may be that we’re upset with God not because He has failed us, but because we aren’t as awesome as we thought we were.

When we’re brought to the end of ourselves, the world’s counsel is often to dig deeper within. “Believe in yourself!”  “You’re stronger than you think!”  “You’ve got this!”  And while it’s healthy to silence the voices that accuse and condemn with the promises of forgiveness and life in Christ (see Romans 8!), we can’t ultimately combat our short-comings by looking within.  God doesn’t intend for our struggles to lead us to despair of ourselves and then stay there.

Check out the exhortation in Isaiah 40:26-31:

Lift up your eyes on high
And see who has created these stars,
The One who leads forth their host by number,
He calls them all by name;
Because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power,
Not one of them is missing.

When you feel out of control, don’t project that uncertainty on the Lord by thinking that you’re the only one who can fix your situation.  Look up!  Your God is the sovereign Lord over all the universe!  He made and sustains the stars and He made and sustains you!

Why do you say, O Jacob, and assert, O Israel,
‘My way is hidden from the Lord,
And the justice due me escapes the notice of my God’?
Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.

When self-doubt strikes, don’t project that doubt onto the Lord by continuing to wallow in your own weaknesses and failures.  Look up!  Your God is strong and gives strength to the weary!

Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.

When you’re afraid and think no one notices, don’t project human ignorance onto the Lord by assuming He’s forgotten you, too.  Look up!  Your God knows the hairs on your head, and He who watches over the sparrows cares even more for you!

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.

When help is hard to come by and your situation and yourself seem helpless, don’t project that hopelessness onto the Lord by forgetting to run to him with your need.  Look up!  Your God is your “refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46)

While this season has been hard and humbling for me, bringing with it more than a fair share of tears, I’m riding the waves more smoothly than I have in the past because these truths have been much more at the ready and I’m quicker now to cast my cares on the Lord.

I’ve heard it said recently, “Trials can make you bitter or better.”  For the Christian, the “better” God intends for us is to be strengthened in our confidence in Him.

Our human resources may fail us, and while it humbles us to realize that we can’t ascribe greatness to ourselves, let’s not forget to ascribe to the Lord the greatness due to His name (see Psalm 29).  We’ll find our confidence will return when it is grounded in the right Person.  And we’ll find the next storm of self-doubt and disappointment, while still painful, will have less impact on our faith when it is firmly rooted in a God who doesn’t disappoint those who hope in Him.

Here’s to growing in grace.

What Do We Do with Doubt? [VIDEO]

12 Thursday Oct 2017

Posted by in Living Faith

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Look out, world.  I have a YouTube channel.  It’s still quite laughable in my mind, but alas, it now exists and I am now telling you about it.

All not-taking-myself-too-seriously aside, my first video seeks to answer the question, “What do we do with doubt?  Where do we go with it?”  I didn’t figure my channel needed much introduction besides simply jumping right in with something that matters to me, and I suspect, to many of you.

I hope you will find the discussion encouraging to you in your walk with the Lord, whether your current situation finds you steadily leaning on the everlasting arms or shakily hanging on for dear life.

You can find my first video here.  If it’s a blessing to you and you’d like to see more videos of this kind, along with some practical home, life, and school management videos, please consider subscribing to my channel.  Lord willing, this first video will not be my last.

God bless!  Soli Deo gloria.