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Kept and Keeping

~ Rest in Grace, Labor in Love

Kept and Keeping

Tag Archives: Christian life

Self-Doubt, God-Doubt

15 Thursday Mar 2018

Posted by Lauren Scott in Living Faith

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Christian life, Christian Women, doubt, faith, self-doubt, stress

We humans are funny creatures, we can look at our own performance and find it wanting and then look up to the heavens and ask, “God, are you even there?”

self doubt god doubt woman sad

I originally wanted to wax eloquent on this topic, but I’ve recently found myself smack in the middle of it.

Life has been a bit heavy lately.  February brought with it several weeks with a house guest, an impending but yet-unsettled job change, my grandma in the hospital, and a whooping cough scare in our family and close friends.  Just when things seemed to ease up, there’s more emotional heaviness, my husband’s grandma in the hospital, a running injury, a minor car accident, and my house is a wreck as we prepare for my husband to start working from home.

I can count my blessings, to be sure—the Lord has been good to us.  But the past few days as I’ve been trying to keep up with schooling the boys, supporting others, reorganizing all the things, and nursing my physical injuries, I’ve just come up short.

This out-of-control season, with its full load of stress—good and bad—has gotten to me.

I’m not strong enough to bear it.  I’m not together enough to catch up on the cleaning, the cooking, the financial planning, the interrupted school days, you name it.  It seems there are so many plates spinning and people needing and I’m failing them all.

Yesterday I couldn’t really enjoy anything.  I was dull to any feeling but sadness.  Emotionally needy.  Physically hurting.  Spiritually exhausted.

And my pride doesn’t like the feel of it all.

At times like these it’s easy to get discouraged.  My glaring limitations stare me down, and I allow my personal gloominess to cloud my view of the Sovereign God who loves me.

The truth is, I’m finite.  Limited.  Small.  That’s part of what it means to be a creature in contrast to the Creator.  And while it might shock me at times when I’m faced with my limits, God isn’t surprised.  “He is conscious of [my] frame, He is mindful that [I am] but dust.”

But all too often instead of looking up to see the One who is strong for me, I continue to look within and mourn my lack of God-like power over my circumstances.

When my self-confidence wanes, I find my wayward heart can project that same lack of confidence onto the Lord.  Have you ever done the same?

“Things aren’t going my way!  I can’t get control of this!  I can’t seem to get control of myself!  God, are You even there?”

That’s not exactly a rational train of thought, is it?

On our good days we might think of ourselves as “independent”, “self-sufficient”, “got-it-together”, “responsible”, “emotionally stable”, and, let’s be honest, just plain “awesome”.

And then when things fall apart, “I’m failing at everything.” “I’m a burden to others.” “I’m a hot mess.”  “I just can’t even.”

Been there?

Sometimes our confidence fails because it was misplaced to begin with.  Sometimes our faith falters because we took our eyes off the Lord long before things went sour.

I’m not necessarily saying the hard times and our failings are caused by this misplaced confidence (though sometimes that might be the case).  What I’m saying is that when our confidence is shaken, it may be that we’re upset with God not because He has failed us, but because we aren’t as awesome as we thought we were.

When we’re brought to the end of ourselves, the world’s counsel is often to dig deeper within. “Believe in yourself!”  “You’re stronger than you think!”  “You’ve got this!”  And while it’s healthy to silence the voices that accuse and condemn with the promises of forgiveness and life in Christ (see Romans 8!), we can’t ultimately combat our short-comings by looking within.  God doesn’t intend for our struggles to lead us to despair of ourselves and then stay there.

Check out the exhortation in Isaiah 40:26-31:

Lift up your eyes on high
And see who has created these stars,
The One who leads forth their host by number,
He calls them all by name;
Because of the greatness of His might and the strength of His power,
Not one of them is missing.

When you feel out of control, don’t project that uncertainty on the Lord by thinking that you’re the only one who can fix your situation.  Look up!  Your God is the sovereign Lord over all the universe!  He made and sustains the stars and He made and sustains you!

Why do you say, O Jacob, and assert, O Israel,
‘My way is hidden from the Lord,
And the justice due me escapes the notice of my God’?
Do you not know? Have you not heard?
The Everlasting God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth
Does not become weary or tired.
His understanding is inscrutable.
He gives strength to the weary,
And to him who lacks might He increases power.
Though youths grow weary and tired,
And vigorous young men stumble badly,
Yet those who wait for the Lord
Will gain new strength;
They will mount up with wings like eagles,
They will run and not get tired,
They will walk and not become weary.

When self-doubt strikes, don’t project that doubt onto the Lord by continuing to wallow in your own weaknesses and failures.  Look up!  Your God is strong and gives strength to the weary!

Are not two sparrows sold for a cent? And yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. So do not fear; you are more valuable than many sparrows.

When you’re afraid and think no one notices, don’t project human ignorance onto the Lord by assuming He’s forgotten you, too.  Look up!  Your God knows the hairs on your head, and He who watches over the sparrows cares even more for you!

I will lift up my eyes to the mountains;
From where shall my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
Who made heaven and earth.

When help is hard to come by and your situation and yourself seem helpless, don’t project that hopelessness onto the Lord by forgetting to run to him with your need.  Look up!  Your God is your “refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.” (Psalm 46)

While this season has been hard and humbling for me, bringing with it more than a fair share of tears, I’m riding the waves more smoothly than I have in the past because these truths have been much more at the ready and I’m quicker now to cast my cares on the Lord.

I’ve heard it said recently, “Trials can make you bitter or better.”  For the Christian, the “better” God intends for us is to be strengthened in our confidence in Him.

Our human resources may fail us, and while it humbles us to realize that we can’t ascribe greatness to ourselves, let’s not forget to ascribe to the Lord the greatness due to His name (see Psalm 29).  We’ll find our confidence will return when it is grounded in the right Person.  And we’ll find the next storm of self-doubt and disappointment, while still painful, will have less impact on our faith when it is firmly rooted in a God who doesn’t disappoint those who hope in Him.

Here’s to growing in grace.

No Story is the Same, No Pain Ever Wasted

08 Friday Dec 2017

Posted by Lauren Scott in Guest Posts, Living Faith

≈ 3 Comments

Tags

Christian life, Guest Post, poems, poetry, suffering, trials

Here’s a guest post from my friend Tabitha Alloway who writes at Pursuing Logos.  Tabitha is a fellow homemaking, homeschooling wife, mother, and electrician–well, we don’t have that LAST part in common!  She’s also a long-time family friend.  Enjoy!

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Have you ever started into a set of books by a particular author and found that before long you could predict the entire plot before you’d even cracked the next book open?

I remember a set like this from my teen years.  I fell in love with the G. A. Henty historical fiction series, and for a while I devoured every book I could get.

But slowly I realized my interest was fading.  Every book seemed to have the same plot; only the names, faces and times changed: Boy goes on adventures.  Boy goes to war.  Boy is captured.  Boy escapes.  Boy becomes hero.  Boy meets girl.  Boy settles down and lives happily ever after.

Sigh.  Very idyllic.

And so predictably formulaic.

Now I’m not knocking the series—I still like the books and I’m looking forward to the day my kids can enjoy them.  But it’s sometimes amusing (or annoying) to see an author embrace a seemingly one-track plot.  A good writer is able to spin each story in such a way that, while it will always reflect their own unique style and voice, the story itself is fresh and new.

I think of God as a Master Writer, scripting the days and circumstances of our lives, inscribing our stories page by page.  He’s the Master Composer, ordering the “rhythm and rhyme” of our lives as an ode of praise.  He is the Potter who shapes our lives for our good and His glory.

While certain themes shine through every story He writes—goodness, mercy, grace, redemption or justice—each one is uniquely different.

Have you ever been tempted to question or wonder what God is doing in your life when you find yourself in difficult circumstances and trying times?  Or even perhaps to envy the way God is working in the lives and circumstances of those around you, rather than humbly accepting what the Potter is doing in and with your life (see Jeremiah 18:1-6)?

I have.  I’ve been tempted many times, when finding myself in less-than-ideal circumstances, to compare my lot with that of others and to envy God’s plan for and ordering of the lives of those around me.

One morning a couple of months back, feeling burdened and discouraged by the weight of recent trials, I poured my heart out to the Lord about it all.  I opened the Word and my attention was drawn to the passages that spoke of giving thanksgiving, honor, worship, and praise to God; of investing our trust in Him because He is good.   Not exactly the typical comforting passages you might expect.  These precious words comforted by lifting my eyes.

I began to think of the stories of the saints of the Bible as well as the experiences of modern-day saints.  No two are exactly the same!  God works in such a wide variety of circumstances and ways to accomplish His will in each of His children’s lives.

Look at Hannah.  She prayed for a child, and God blessed her with one.  Yet many Christian wives through the ages have prayed with the same desperate desire for children and have been told “No.”

Jabez prayed that God would bless him and keep him from harm and pain.  God granted His wish.  Yet Job was permitted to experience unimaginable grief and pain in his lifetime.

Daniel was saved from the lions’ mouths.  But many believers in the early centuries of the church were torn apart and eaten by wild beasts.

Under the reigns of David and Solomon, the saints and prophets rejoiced with gladness and singing.  Under the reigns of Ahab and Manasseh, the saints and prophets suffered, and served their God in hard times and discouraging circumstances.

The apostle John lived a long life in service to Christ while Abel’s life was cut off prematurely.

Paul could have been tempted to envy the many believers around him who experienced miraculous, physical healings, while he himself was given a thorn in the flesh and denied its removal.

So many people.  So many stories.  All of them different.

Had God denied Hannah her wish, or Jabez his, would He still have been good?  Would His people have continued to trust in Him?  Was God’s work in the lives of Hannah, Daniel, and Jabez better, more kind, or wiser than in the lives of Job, or Jeremiah, or Paul?

According to Hebrews 11 we see that trust in God is not (and cannot be) rooted in our personal circumstances, but rather in the character of a faithful God Who is working in His children that which pleases Him, as He orders our lives for our good and His glory (see Romans 8).

The Word tells us elsewhere: “He is the Rock, His work is perfect: for all His ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity: just and right is He” (Deuteronomy 32:4).  The Psalmist reminds us that “The Lord is righteous in all His ways, and holy in all His works” (Psalm 145:17).

In declaring his trust in the Lord, the prophet Habakkuk indicated it was not contingent on any circumstances: “Although the fig tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there shall be no herd in the stalls: Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation.  The Lord God is my strength…” (Habakkuk 3:17-19).

We often see both Old and New Testament saints giving thanks to God even in the middle of painful circumstances.  While the personal testimonies and experiences are different, I imagine they would share one common sentiment: God is good.

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Photo Credit: Tabitha Alloway

One of my favorite hymns is Day by Day.  The first verse goes:

Day by day, and with each passing moment

Strength I find to meet my trials here;

Trusting in my Father’s wise bestowment,

I’ve no cause for worry or for fear.

He whose heart is kind beyond all measure

Gives unto each day what He deems best—

Lovingly, its part of pain and pleasure,

Mingling toil with peace and rest.

Some of the most precious portions of Scripture to me are those in which God reveals His own heart of compassion toward His people.  It’s the theme that brightens even the darkest story.  We’re all familiar with the passage in Lamentations that speaks of the faithfulness, mercy, and compassion of the Lord.  Then Jeremiah goes on to say, “But though He cause grief, yet will He have compassion according to the multitude of His mercies.  For He doth not afflict willingly nor grieve the children of men”.

God does not cause pain or withhold desire for no good purpose.

Isaiah breaks out in thanksgiving: “I will mention the lovingkindnesses of the Lord, and the praises of the Lord, according to all that the Lord hath bestowed on us…For He said, surely they are my people…In all their affliction He was afflicted…in His love and in His pity He redeemed them…” (Isaiah 63:7-9).

God sorrows in our sorrow; He is afflicted in our affliction.  We do not have a High Priest who   is insulated from our pain; He experiences it with us and has compassion on our weaknesses.

It is this God of love, kindness, and wisdom who composes my story and your story.  Do we trust Him to do what He deems best?  Are we content in His provision for and ordering of our life?

The Master Writer is weaving the days and circumstances of our lives into one story for His glory.  Every daily page whispers His goodness, and even the darkest chapters are traced with hope, pointing to the beauty of His eternal purpose.

And that eternal purpose hints at the fact that the Author’s story doesn’t end with us, with this life.  There is a “happily ever after” that’s already written, just awaiting publication.  If you know Jesus, aren’t you looking forward to reading that story?

 

Had You not granted Hannah’s wish

And given her a child…

Had You let Jabez feel anguish,

Not blessed with life so mild…

 

Had You not shut the lions’ mouths

When Daniel prayed to You…

Did You not save his friends, when, roused,

A despot gave death cue…

 

Had solitude been David’s lot

Instead of throne and crown…

Had Jacob not grasped riches sought,

Nor prosperity had found…

 

Had Hannah lifted empty arms

In worship to Your Name…

Had Jabez met some earthly harm

In showing forth Your fame…

 

Had Daniel died a martyr’s death

In service to his Lord…

Had fire snatched the faithful’s breath,

And death been their reward…

 

Had David sung in open fields

Instead of regal courts…

Had flocks and fields returned no yields

While Jacob sought the Source…

 

Your faithfulness would be the same,

Your goodness ever new,

Your mercy rich exalt Your Name,

And saints would hide in You.

 

You are the God of grieving Job,

Of joyful, dancing David.

Your ways and works across the globe

Will always be redemptive.

 

The God of weeping prophets and

The God of singing saints;

All things lie open in Your hand—

From You derive their fate.

 

You are the source of grace for Paul

When thorn afflicts him sore.

You save the cripple from a fall

And his weak legs restore.

 

You’re the God of brave queen Esther,

The God of humble Ruth;

To each his lot, Dispenser,

The One Source of all Truth.

 

In pain and gain, our love and loss

You are the Sovereign One;

You knew real sorrow at the cross

Now-risen, conquering Son.

 

You walked on earth in mankind’s shoes

You know heart’s deepest throb;

Appointing things as You so choose,

You hear the smallest sob.

 

You’ve cried and wept with broken heart,

Felt agony of pain;

When on the earth You shared our part,

Your loss became our gain.

 

To come to You a man must trust

You are the great I AM;

Your works are true and right and just,

And You reward the man.

 

Your ways are far past finding out,

No finite mind can see

Exactly what you are about—

Your great Eternity.

 

You are our life, our love, our light,

Our hope, our help, our haven,

Our Rock, Redeemer and our Right—

Praise God of highest heaven!

What Do We Do with Doubt? [VIDEO]

12 Thursday Oct 2017

Posted by Lauren Scott in Living Faith

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Christian life, Christian Women, depression, doubt, faith, video, YouTube

Look out, world.  I have a YouTube channel.  It’s still quite laughable in my mind, but alas, it now exists and I am now telling you about it.

All not-taking-myself-too-seriously aside, my first video seeks to answer the question, “What do we do with doubt?  Where do we go with it?”  I didn’t figure my channel needed much introduction besides simply jumping right in with something that matters to me, and I suspect, to many of you.

I hope you will find the discussion encouraging to you in your walk with the Lord, whether your current situation finds you steadily leaning on the everlasting arms or shakily hanging on for dear life.

You can find my first video here.  If it’s a blessing to you and you’d like to see more videos of this kind, along with some practical home, life, and school management videos, please consider subscribing to my channel.  Lord willing, this first video will not be my last.

God bless!  Soli Deo gloria.

Five Things: Hospitality Edition

09 Friday Jun 2017

Posted by Lauren Scott in Home and Family, Living Faith

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Christian life, Home and Family, hospitality, Loving the Little Years, The Friday Five, The Hospitality Commands

This post contains affiliate links. If you make a purchase through one of these links, I may receive a commission at no additional cost to you. 

013Do you have a vision for hospitality?  Do you use your home as a place to welcome and refresh others?  Here’s some reading material on the subject that I’ve been chewing on lately.  I hope it will be an encouragement to you in this endeavor.

  1. Mystie Winkler has written several articles on homemaking and hospitality lately that I have found quite helpful.  Forget Pinterest or that magazine cover, Mystie’s tips get straight to the heart, encouraging us to be ready to show hospitality toward everyone who enters our home–by practicing on our own family members.  Here’s the most recent article I’ve enjoyed.
  2. Did you know that hospitality is a characteristic required of those in church leadership?  Tim Challies reminds us that the hospitality that elders are to exemplify is to be a characteristic all believers should pursue.
  3. I don’t usually read Christianity Today, but this article came to me recently by recommendation from another blogger.  Have you considered God’s role of “home-making”?  There’s good food for thought here, but I would suggest the conclusion we draw from this shouldn’t stop at awe and consolation for our souls (as wonderful as that is in and of itself!).  We’ve been made in the image of God and we can reflect His care for humanity in our care for our homes–in fact, it’s both explicitly encouraged and commanded.  All the same, if you are in a season in which you are overwhelmed by the mess, wondering if you’ll ever get things under control, take heart.  As the article says, your God has prepared and is preparing a home for you.  And He’s always on top of His game.
  4. My father-in-law recently finished reading Alexander Strauch’s The Hospitality Commands to our church over our fellowship meal on Sunday afternoons.  We took it about a chapter at a time and discussed how we might grow individually and as a church in showing hospitality.  This is a great read if you want to go deeper than a few blog articles will take you. 
  5. As I’ve considered God’s call for His children to practice hospitality, I’ve been reminded of a metaphor from one of my favorite mommy books:  Loving the Little Years by Rachel Jankovic.  The chapter entitled “Heavy Branches” likens our gifts and the things we produce to fruit on a tree.

    In the side yard, right outside my window, were two old apple trees.  And year after year they made apples.  …these trees had been throwing apples on the ground every August for probably ninety years or so.  It is something I love about fruit-bearing trees and bushes–that God told them to make something, and they do it enthusiastically.  They don’t care about what happens to the fruit.  They do not measure their efforts or fuss when no one appreciates it.

    …What happens to all our fruit is not our problem.  That doesn’t mean that we are not to care about the fruit.  While it is on our branches, it is our life work.  It is an offering to God, and we ought to care intensely about the quality of our fruit.  But the branches are our responsibility; the ground is not.

    May we joyfully produce fruit in our homes to bless our families and any who walk through our door–without being discouraged when an apple gets bruised or the beauty we sought to create gets overlooked.  May we not grow weary in doing good–our God is at work in it to accomplish His purposes.

What’s your favorite book on hospitality?  Have you read any good articles on the subject lately?

How have you been blessed by the hospitality of others?

What things get in the way of you opening up your home, and how can you, by God’s grace, overcome those obstacles?

If you’re in a tough season of life, what are some small ways you can show love and welcome to others?

Running for Another

29 Wednesday Mar 2017

Posted by Lauren Scott in Living Faith

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Arkansas Run for the Fallen, Christian life, honoring fallen soldiers, Reflections, Run for the Fallen, Running, running for another, running for Jesus, Soli Deo Gloria

I’m one of those crazy types that actually enjoys running.  Once upon a time I even looked like a runner.

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Over the years, running has filled several important roles for me: it’s been a way of escape, a way to burn off energy, to get or stay in shape, to cope, to get alone and talk to God, to enjoy sunshine and wildlife, to improve my running time, to compete, to show off, to win.

Admittedly, some of those are more virtuous motivations than others.

But this past Saturday I had an opportunity to run for a very different reason.

My local women’s running clinic was invited to participate in the sixth annual Arkansas Run for the Fallen, an apolitical 146-mile weekend-long event honoring service men and women who died in the line of duty since September 11, 2001.  Our part was to join the team of running soldiers for one mile through the middle of town.

In the weeks leading up to the event, I thought about it quite a bit.  I read the stories of the two Navy SEALs who would be remembered at the Hero Markers at the beginning and end of our course.  I thought about my own grandparents and aunt and uncle who served in the Army Air Force and in the Navy.

And I felt quite small and pampered by comparison.  Not exactly worthy to be running with people who have taken on so much personal risk for something bigger than themselves–or for people who have quite literally laid down their lives for others.

When Saturday came and our red-shirted local ladies assembled, the anticipation we all felt was a strange mix of excitement and sobriety.  Soon the running servicemen arrived, paused to remember one fallen comrade, planted a flag in his name, and then we were off.

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The usual “racer’s mindset” tried to assume its place in my thoughts, but there wasn’t any room for it.  No room for looking ahead to see who you’re going to try to pass next–that wasn’t the goal.  No room for pulling away from the crowd–the purpose this time was to get lost in the crowd, in the small sea of red.  No room for going at your own pace–we had to keep pace with those who were leading us on.  No room for thinking about how to position yourself for the best finish so you could point to your rank or time in the end–this run was intended to point to someone else.

It’s easy to get comfortable in our lives here in the West and forget that the blessings we enjoy have been paid for by others.  So too as Christians, we can lose sight of the fact that our greatest, eternal blessings have been paid for by the Lord Jesus Himself.  Sometimes our normal routines need to be shaken up a bit to give us new perspective.

That’s exactly what happened for me on Saturday.  This whole experience has refreshed my view of the race set before us as Christians.

We “run with endurance” remembering those who have gone on before us and with our eyes fixed on Jesus (Hebrews 12:1-4). 

We encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11) and cheer each other on rather than treating the gospel of God’s grace as a program for self-advancement and our fellow runners as competitors. 

We “keep in step with [His] Spirit” (Galatians 5:22-26)–He sets the pace for us to follow, not the other way around.

Our run on Saturday morning lasted less than ten minutes, but the impact of running to honor someone else has been felt all week.  And while my legs have been resting, the words of John the baptist have continued to run through my head:  “He must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:30)

Let Him be seen as I run this race called life.  Not me.

In a world that preaches so often that we are the most useful or influential when we place ourselves on a pedestal to be seen by others, we need to be reminded that it’s ok, right even, to live outside of the spotlight, to blend in with the crowd of those who live–who run–not for themselves, but for the glory and honor of Another.

Soli Deo gloria.

 

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Lauren Scott

Lauren Scott

Christian. Wife. Mother. Homemaker. Home Educator. Blogger. Book Addict. Outdoorist.

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