Some time ago both my boys were sick. And then one of them had mostly recovered.

One thing you ought to know about my boys is that they do an awful lot around the house, so when they’re sick, I have to pick up the slack, and some things just don’t get done.

It’s His Turn!

This time it was the compost bin that hadn’t been taken care of. I told my recently-recovered son that it was time for that thing to be cleaned. It was nasty, let me tell you. It stank. There were gnats and gnat larva. Ew.

My recently-recovered son, at that moment, decided to protest.

“[My brother] was supposed to do it last Monday, before we were sick, and he didn’t. I shouldn’t have to do it. It’s his turn.”

I raised an eyebrow: “[Your brother] is sick. And today is his birthday. The compost bucket needs to be cleaned out, and you can do it.”

He balked and wanted to “explain” the situation further, so I employed the mom look.

He quickly said, “Ok, I’ll do it.”

Mom look: 1

Middle school boy: 0

He did do it. And he did a great job.

Fair vs. Right

Later, as I was relating this story to my husband, I began to put my finger on what my son’s response meant. He was responding in a very natural and understandable way. But it wasn’t right. Why?

In the moment when he objected to my request, he was focused on fairness instead of righteousness. As it turns out, while those two ideals can overlap at times, they are actually quite different.

A quick look at Merriam Webster’s can help us see the difference.

Fair : 1 a : marked by impartiality and honesty : free from self-interest, prejudice, or favoritism…
B(1) : conforming with the established rules : ALLOWED
(2) : consonant with merit or importance : DUE
a fair share

When it comes to the case my son was making, he was in line with that last part of the definition. He didn’t think that taking out the compost on that particular day was his fair share. He knows we try to divvy up the chores in our home reasonably and equitably, not dumping all of the responsibility on any one person, not letting one brother off the hook and forcing the other to play Cinderella.

And while it can be reasonable to appeal to such precedent at times, there is something higher than fairness. Consider the dictionary entry for righteous:

Righteous : acting in accord with divine or moral law : free from guilt or sin
2 a: morally right or justifiable

That definition matches our common English use of the term. In the Bible, however, “righteous” or “righteousness” seems to carry a more active and positive connotation—it’s more than merely not breaking divine or moral laws. When Jesus, in the Sermon on the Mount, tells his listeners that their righteousness is to surpass the scribes and Pharisees, He elaborates on that point in the verses that follow. He not only gives instruction to keep oneself pure or from transgressing the law (Matt. 5:21-37), but He also calls His followers to go far beyond mere technical obedience to law in order to show radical love to others—even to our enemies (Matt. 5:38-47).

[For a bit more study on how righteousness looks like more than an avoidance ethic, see Psalm 37:21, and Proverbs 10:16-21, 12:10-12, 21:26, & 29:7.]

Self-righteousness is often focused only on the “without guilt” or “racking up points” idea of righteousness—it focuses on keeping score for oneself. And it often doesn’t mind making a fuss when it doesn’t get what it thinks it deserves.

True, biblical righteousness (the practical kind believers are to grow in, not the only-in-Christ theological kind that we receive by faith) thinks of God and others and not one’s own winning streak. It does what is just and good concerning duty to God and others. It implies judging rightly (according to God’s law and/or the needs of a situation) and acting in accordance with that judgment.

Fairness is Good. Righteousness is Better.

If my other son hadn’t still been sick, I might have agreed with my recently-recovered son that it was right for his brother to pick up the slack that he himself had left behind. Even if it was his birthday. That would have been both right and fair.

But when one of our number is out for the count, the right thing to do is serve them, or serve in their place. To go the extra mile. To give the cloak off of our back.

Love covers a multitude of sins. And spills. And forgotten or just-didn’t-get-to-it chores.

This is, of course, not just about middle school boys and their excuses. We can respond to the obvious needs around us with the same attitude, can’t we?

We may complain that it isn’t fair for us to have to do whatever it is that needs to be done right now. Maybe it is unfortunate, even unfair. But that doesn’t change the fact that the thing needs done and that God has given us eyes to see it.

Will we whine like a teenager over fairness when it conveniently serves our interests … or will we simply do what’s right to the glory of God and the good of those around us?

If we’re paying attention, we’ll probably begin to see that this question pops up on the daily.

Do you ever see your own attitudes reflected back at you by your children? Those moments can be comical and convicting! Share your story in the comments below.