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Wise Women Build Up, Part 3: Gracious Words

18 Friday Jul 2025

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The following article and the other two in this series are talks that I gave at a women’s retreat in my area. The theme was “Pioneer Women”, and the scriptures were chosen for me. It was a fruitful exercise for me and a delight to get to share some insights from God’s Word with the lovely ladies who gathered to hear it. I hope you’ll find it to be an encouragement to you, as well. Building on the foundation of Godly Wisdom, and the life of Good Works that God calls us to, this third and final article discusses a Christian woman’s Gracious Words that ought to flow from hearts that have been redeemed by the love of God through the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Before we wrap up this series, let’s recap where we’ve been:

We want to pursue wisdom, asking God for it and searching for it in His Word—and we want to use that godly wisdom to glorify God by building up our household—caring for the people and things that God has entrusted to us.

We want to walk in the good works that God has prepared for us. Godly wisdom helps us to discern what works are truly good and worth our time, and we know that godly wisdom is rooted in the fact that our salvation rests fully on the work of Christ—not our own works. We love because He has first loved us. With faith and hope in Jesus, and with assurance of His incredible love for us, we can roll up our sleeves and do good to others in His name.

But Our Words Can Make or Break Our Service

wise words godly women service

We know that serving others can be messy. When we help those in need, we often become aware of things in their lives that they are ashamed of. The places they need help are often places of pain.

This is actually the context for today’s passage on the tongue. Our verse is 1 Timothy 3:11, but I’m going to get a run at it, starting with verse eight:

Deacons likewise must be men of dignity, not double-tongued, or addicted to much wine or fond of sordid gain, but holding to the mystery of the faith with a clear conscience. These men must also first be tested; then let them serve as deacons if they are beyond reproach. Women must likewise be dignified, not malicious gossips, but temperate, faithful in all things.

The word deacon means “servant.” This can take a lot of forms, from serving tables (Acts 6) to managing finances to visiting the sick and needy. Many commentators see the women in this passage as the wives of deacons, since the word for woman is the same in Greek as the word for wife. However you take it, it’s clear that the bible holds high standards for both men and women who serve in the church, and that standard is the kind of Christian maturity that we all ought to be aiming toward.

A woman who helps her husband in the service of God’s people, or who does real service in the church, whether married or not, needs to be someone who can be trusted. Are you a trustworthy friend and helper? Or does your mouth share what ought to be kept private? This takes wisdom and discretion, and we all will get it wrong sometimes (James 3). Each time we fail in our speech is an opportunity to confess it to the Lord and to anyone else where necessary, to repent of that sinful speech, and trust fully in the Lord Jesus who died to pay the penalty for that sin.

serving good works gracious words gossip wise women

A High Calling

Now, let’s look a bit closer at 1 Timothy 3:11, complete with color-coding to help us see what’s there. 🙂

It’s interesting to note that the characteristics held up for the women in our verse mirror most of those listed for the men:

Both are to be “dignified,” or honorable, so that when they serve in an official capacity for the church, they represent it and the Lord Jesus Christ well.

While it says women are to be “temperate,” the men also are to “not be addicted to much wine”—both are to be self-controlled and not under the influence of alcohol, so that they are able to serve with good, sober judgment at all times.

The call for women to be “faithful in all things” mirrors the men’s calling to be “beyond reproach”—so that no charges of misconduct can be brought against them.

The need for a deacon to be “not fond of sordid gain”, that is, ill-gotten or unjustly acquired wealth, fits here, too. When you are active in service, you may be entrusted with money either to give to those in need or to purchase things for service projects. “Faithful in all things” certainly would have an impact on how a man or woman handles money.

The same mirroring pattern holds for gossip. Women are not to be “malicious gossips.” And the men are not to be “double-tongued,” talking nice to someone’s face but saying something quite different behind their back.

Gossip

So what is gossip? Well, in our passage, the Greek word translated gossip is “diabolos.” The majority of the time this word is used in the New Testament, it is translated “devil”—referring to our enemy, the accuser of the brethren, the slanderer of our good and gracious God.

Our world today may wink at gossip as though it isn’t a big deal, or may even celebrate it by publishing it in tabloids, posting it on social media, or promoting it as “news.” But we’re warned in Scripture that gossip is a devilish and destructive behavior.

gossip vs gracious words godly wise women

Here’s a definition of gossip from Matthew Mitchell, a pastor invested in biblical counseling: He says that gossip is “Bearing bad news behind someone’s back out of a bad heart. …We gossip because our sinful hearts are attracted to negative stories much like moths to a flame.”

Ouch! But isn’t there truth in that statement? Have you ever wondered why the news focuses so much on bad news? Why most viral social media posts are angry rants? The human heart is drawn to this stuff.

If we are to become wise women whose speech is characterized by gracious words, we need to learn how to resist gossip from the heart—not just try to stop damaging words at our lips, but learning to renew our hearts and minds by the help of God’s Holy Spirit.

gracious words women gossip

Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks, Jesus told us.

In Philippians 4:8, Paul tells us to think about whatever things are true, honorable, right, pure, lovely…if there is anything of good repute, if there is excellence, or anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

That’s a pretty good filter both for what we take in and for what we dish out.

Gossip can include passing on a scandalous news story that you haven’t verified—or one that you have verified but simply isn’t necessary. It can include divulging private matters that someone entrusted to you in confidence—and in such cases, it’s a breech of trust that can not only hurt the person you’re speaking about, but it can also do lasting damage to your relationship. And the person you shared that juicy morsel with—how likely are they to trust you in the future? They already know that you talked about your other friend behind her back.

Searching Our Hearts

Here are some questions we can ask ourselves to keep our hearts and our tongues in check. These are borrowed from a recent podcast episode on gossip by Marci Farrell, at Thankful Homemaker:

Questions to ask yourself:

  • Is it time to say this?
  • Am I the right person to say this?
  • Is it necessary? (Will it really help/give grace?)
  • Is it kind?
  • Is it true?

A question I would add is this:

  • Why do I want to share this? Am I making myself feel or look better by sharing someone else’s shame?
  • How can I speak graciously and honestly about this person without divulging things that ought to remain private?

Where to watch out for gossip:

  • Social media
  • When seeking counsel
  • Prayer requests
  • Sharing conflict
  • Venting

Caveat: We may need a trusted husband or friend or mentor with which to share the details of our lives and the wrestlings of our hearts—just make sure they are trustworthy and not prone to morbid interest in gossip or to repeating what they hear. I remember sharing something with a friend in college, and her response was, as she assumed, to join me in bashing the other person. But that wasn’t what I was doing, nor was it what I wanted from her. She demonstrated that she was not a godly, trustworthy friend. A good and godly friend will sympathize with you without taking on an ungodly attitude on your behalf. Look for that in a friend, and seek to be that kind of friend for others.

Here are two other caveats that we can’t go into detail on today, but that I’d still like to briefly state:

1) There’s a difference between a hard word and a harsh word. We can’t control how someone will respond when we bring a needed reproof (a hard word). But we can control how we deliver it—by being gracious rather than harsh.

A gentle answer turns away wrath,
But a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 15:1

2) There’s also a big difference between everyday wise restraint of our speech and reporting a crime. Talk to the wise older women and leaders in your church for help knowing when it is time to speak up and get help. If there’s real danger, please reach out to someone who can help.

Gracious Words Build Up Children

To bring this all home, I want to illustrate the deep impact our words can have. Let’s think for a moment about our long-ago pioneer woman. Let’s imagine that her family lives out on the plains where their nearest neighbors are 50, maybe 100 miles away, back in a time when that kind of journey would take a couple days. Her husband and her children would be the only people around on a daily basis. And that means that the words she spoke to them would make up just about all that they heard from anyone. There would be no video or audio recordings. No telephones. No one else to speak words of life to her husband and children. What if she spoke bitterly and sarcastically toward her husband and impatiently and critically toward her children? What if she filed all of her complaints against her husband to the children? And what if she did them same when reporting on the children to their father?

The man and the children might try to encourage each other, but what has mama contributed to their hearts and minds? What atmosphere has she created in her home?

We have so many entertainments and noisy diversions today that we might imagine that the impact of our words is less critical than in bygone days (but it’s not). And with all of our personalized distractions, it’s possible to hurt others by our lack of speech: completely ignoring the people in our homes, each of us more attached to a device or screen than we are to one another. We can do harm both by destructive words and by checking out.

gracious words home children

Children not only learn to talk from their parents, they also build their inner script off of what they hear from their parents. I believe it was Sally Clarkson who first made me aware of this particular power of mothers. We set the tone for our children’s hearts and minds, fueling their inner dialog, or what some call “self-talk.” I’ve seen this work out beautifully. My pastor and his wife have some incredibly joyful daughters. I can see so much of their mother’s words and attitudes in them. But I also have a friend whose mother spoke words of poison into her soul. And the impact has been disastrous, wreaking havoc in my friend’s life ten, twenty years into adulthood. There are very real and long-lasting consequences to the words we speak in our homes.

children self-talk gracious words moms

It’s not that we can’t, by the grace of God, overcome the difficult and sometimes downright devilish words that have been spoken around us or to us or about us. By God’s grace and the power of His Spirit, we can put off the old and put on the new, we can fill our hearts and minds with Scripture, turn our thoughts to what God says is true, be nourished by friends and mentors who speak God’s truth over us. But isn’t it better, if it is in our power, especially if we are mothers, to lay that kind of foundation for our families in the first place?

Reading the bible to the children, helping them memorize scripture, singing songs and hymns, telling good, heroic stories, calming them when they’re scared, teaching them to turn their thoughts to what is true and good, praying with them, lovingly teaching them all the practical skills of everyday life, calmly disciplining and then redirecting them when they misbehave…

Our attitudes and words in all of these activities make up the air that our children breathe.

Gracious Words Build Up Husbands

And this is true for anyone we share our home with, including our husbands, if we’re married. Our words to our husbands either strengthen our relationship, put it on ice, or tear it down. What are you doing in your words to your husband? Typically, a wife’s opinion and treatment of her husband matters to him more than what anyone else thinks of him or says to him. Use that power for good. Build him up with gracious, encouraging words. Thank him for what he does for your family—both at work and at home. If he plays with the children, encourage and celebrate it. Remind him why you fell for him in the first place and tell him what you still love about him today. Like the pioneer husband on the plains, he won’t get that kind of encouragement from anyone else but you—and he shouldn’t.

godly women gracious words to husbands build up

Whomever you live with or near—a roommate or sibling, a neighbor down the street or down the hall—what impact can your gracious words have on them? For their good and for the sake of the gospel of Jesus? Let’s align our hearts with God’s truth and use our words to proclaim and show forth His goodness to those around us—in our homes, in our churches, and wherever else we may go.

christian women gracious words gospel

God, in the beginning, You spoke and created all things. And you said that it was all GOOD. Only You have true words of life, so help us to run to You, to cling to Your life-giving Word. And Father, please put Your Word into our hearts and minds, and may it also pour out of us into the lives of others, that our words would be in line with Your words, Your truth, Your goodness. May the teaching of kindness be on our lips. Amen.

gracious words wise women build up christian

Have you read all three posts in this series? What has spoken to your heart when it comes to living out Godly Wisdom, Good Works, and Gracious Words? Have you prayerfully put any of this into practice?

Here are the other posts in this series:
Wise Women Build Up, Part 1: Godly Wisdom
Wise Women Build Up, Part 2: Good Works
Wise Women Build Up, Part 3: Gracious Words (that’s this post!)

Wise Women Build Up, Part Two: Good Works

30 Friday May 2025

Posted by in Home and Family, Living Faith

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The following article and the other two in this series are talks that I gave at a women’s retreat in my area. The theme was “Pioneer Women”, and the scriptures were chosen for me. It was a fruitful exercise for me and a delight to get to share some insights from God’s word with the lovely ladies who gathered to hear it. I hope you’ll find it to be an encouragement to you, as well. Building on the foundation of Godly Wisdom, this second article discusses a Christian woman’s Good Works, and the third article focuses on the Gracious Words that ought to flow from hearts that have been redeemed by the love of God through the gospel of Jesus Christ.

In Part One we covered how Godly Wisdom can help us build up our homes and people. Now we’re going to look more specifically at how that Godly Wisdom produces a life of Good Works.

First we’ll discover from our passage that modesty and Good Works flow from the same heart.

Then we’ll look at examples of Good Works and consider how they might look different in different seasons in our life.

And then I have a poem to share with you.

wise women build up good works christian

Getting Dressed in … Good Works

Our world puts a lot of emphasis on outward beauty, and we all have likely felt the pressure to keep up. There’s an endless supply of makeup and beauty products from companies that are eager to play on your insecurities as a business strategy. Fast fashion provides an endless supply of clothing and accessories, cheaply made, and changing from season to season so that you’ll always fall behind.

These influences can promote insecurity about who we are, competition with others, and the temptation to exalt ourselves to keep up. While it’s good to care for your body and your physical appearance, it’s not good to sell your soul to do so, or to crowd out things that are far more important.

To that point, let’s take a look at 1 Timothy 2:9-10:

Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments, but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness.

The apostle Paul calls us to wear proper clothing, but even more so he calls us to adorn ourselves with good works!

Modesty is part of the context of our passage, so I want to give you something you can take home on the subject—and you might be surprised that it actually relates to our topic of good works. The Greek word translated “modestly” or “with modesty” in many of our English translations means “shame.” But it’s not the wallowing, debilitating kind. In fact, in the only other place it’s used in the New Testament, it’s translated “awe” toward God. So this is a shame that doesn’t get stuck feeling bad about oneself but rather sees the importance of something outside itself. It’s a kind of shame that goes hand in hand with honor.

God is worthy of honor, so I would be ashamed to do something or wear something that would dishonor Him. The people around me are worthy of honor, so I would be ashamed to do or wear something that would in some way harm or dishonor them. My body, which God has made, is worthy of honor, so I would be ashamed to wear something or behave in a way that treats it as though it’s cheap.

When we know what is truly valuable, we order our lives to reflect it. When we see God for who He is, the most other, the most holy, the most powerful, loving, just, merciful, and good—worthy of all praise and adoration; when we see that this amazing God sent His own Son to die so that we could live; when we see that our sin and shame was nailed to the cross and Jesus’ righteousness has been credited to our account—then our tendency to want to exalt ourselves by what we wear or do melts away. That’s where a truly modest heart comes from. And that’s what drives both our manner of dress and what we choose to do with the time and energy we are given.

Our primary focus is not on showing off our wealth or our bodies or even our self-righteousness. Our primary focus is on honoring God and others by what we wear and even more so by what we do.

What Good Works?

So if we have clothed ourselves first with godly wisdom, which in this case means a heart that values God supremely and that sees the value of others and wants to honor them, how then do we clothe ourselves in good works? What can that look like?

1 Tim. 5:9-10 gives a list of good works that were to make up an older widow’s reputation if she was to be assisted by the church. What kind of works were listed there?

Bringing up children — Don’t forget that your care for your children is not just a good work, it is one of the greatest works of your life. Devote yourself to doing it well. Those of you that work with children, whether you have any of your own—nurturing and caring for them, teaching them and pointing them to Jesus—that is a good work. If you give to support the work of ministries who care for children, who care for women facing a surprise pregnancy, who help the foster or adoptive parent community. These are all good works.

Showing hospitality to strangers — In the ancient world, this often meant welcoming a traveler into your home, providing every comfort and sustenance for their stay and helping them on their way when it was time to leave. When we open our homes to others, it has the potential to nourish them spiritually, physically, emotionally—in just about every way.

hospitality good works christian women

So look for and invest in those opportunities the Lord brings to show hospitality: whether it’s having people into your home to share your food and your life with them, or cooking food for a potluck at church enabling a longer and more intimate time of fellowship on a Sunday afternoon, having someone live with you while they’re between jobs or housing options, or throwing a graduation party, bridal shower, baby shower, charitable bake sale, you name it.

By this work of provision and hosting, we women have the ability to deeply impact our families, our churches, and our broader communities, bidding them each to taste and see that the Lord is good and that fellowship among His people is sweet. That the grace that saves us is also a grace that changes us. It is amazing how God uses the love of Christians for one another to draw people to trust in Jesus.

Washing the feet of the saints — This is about serving in lowly ways. Feet get dirty. And they especially got dirty back in Bible times. Do you think certain acts of service are beneath you? Or are you willing to stoop down and do the work that must be done, whatever it is? Cleaning toilets. Changing diapers. Staying up with a toddler until they’re done throwing up the last bite of supper. Staying up through the night praying with a friend until she’s willing to flush that last joint. Pet sitting for a neighbor when you’re not a pet person, but her husband is in the hospital, so of course you say yes. These moments are not glamorous. They’re not fun. They may not line up with your gifts. And they won’t make it on your resume. But God sees. And He delights in and works through such sacrifices when they are offered to Him in faith.

Assisting those in distress — James tells us that part of true religion is visiting orphans and widows in their distress. The focus here is not just on the material need; it’s about those who are suffering alone: widows, orphans. Loneliness is a very real problem today, even in our supposedly connected modern world. Sometimes the best thing you can do for someone is simply show up. On an average Tuesday afternoon. Or in the hospital. At the funeral. With a card or flowers a year later at the anniversary of a loss. At their home with a warm meal or cup of coffee and an offer to listen.

This is where today’s hustle culture can really lead us astray. Chasing our dreams with no concern for the needs of those around us means we likely don’t even see them. And if we do, we excuse ourselves. We don’t have time. We’re too busy getting ahead.

But true religion sees and seeks to meet needs.

Good Works Go Both Ways

Now, I want to tell you a story that demonstrates how good works don’t always have to go in one direction.

Almost two years ago there was a godly older man in our church whose wife was dying of cancer. A storm had downed a lot of limbs in his yard, but he didn’t have the time or energy to handle it in that season—especially not by himself. My husband Nathaniel organized a group of men from church to show up on a Saturday to cut and haul and burn until his yard was cleared.

Several months later, after his wife went home to be with the Lord, Nathaniel broke his hand. There was a lot of work to do on our property, and he was discouraged about it. So, I planned a surprise work day party for his 40th birthday, inviting friends from church to come help us clear brush and get our garden ready for the season. And you know who was the first person to show up that day, chainsaw in hand, ready to serve? The very same man my husband had helped several months before.

Sisters, that’s what it looks like when the church behaves like a family. Or like an old-time community on the frontier, where neighbors help each other. It’s just what they do. There’s not one class of people doing good works all the time with another class of people always on the receiving end. We each serve when we’re able and how we’re able. And we receive with gratitude when we’re the ones in need.

Part of making this kind of thing happen, though, is being vulnerable enough to share our needs with others so that we give them the opportunity to joyfully meet them in the name of Jesus.

There’s a particular need that my husband and I have noticed in recent years. There are a lot of young people, and even some approaching middle age, whose parents never taught them how to do basic life skills. They need someone to step in and provide for them the kind of life training that they didn’t receive growing up. If your parents taught you a handful of life skills and you’ve been on your own or caring for a family for a decade or more, you probably take your skills for granted. You don’t have to be a homesteader and make sourdough to have something to offer. The skills you’ve gained over the years are incredibly valuable, and there are people who need to learn from what you know.

Aside from the obvious home skills, what other skills do you have that could bless the people around you? In your church? In your place of work? The point here is not to zero in on any one set of skills, but to see what you have to offer that meets the needs of the people around you.

Good Works, Different Seasons

It’s cliché but true: We can’t all do everything, but we all can do something.

Sometimes we’re in a season of expansion—where we find we are capable of taking on more responsibility, more good work out there. Other times, we find ourselves in a season of pulling back, focusing on the essentials—or even being more on the receiving end of other people’s good works and service on our behalf. There is no shame in any of these seasons. If you can’t give much right now, if you are doing a lot more receiving than giving—then do so graciously. Give thanks. Don’t let feelings of guilt crowd out your ability to rejoice in the good work God is doing through others while you receive it or watch from the sidelines. And don’t forget that your prayers are a very important part of the work of the kingdom.

If this message finds you in a season of overwhelm, where you’re thinking, this all sounds nice, but I’m swamped, maxed-out, worn out… let me encourage you that the Christian life isn’t about doing more. Some may need a nudge to get moving, maybe you don’t.

At the next opportunity, I encourage you to step outside. To take a moment to pause. Take some deep breaths, and look around you at this incredible world that God has made. A world that He keeps spinning. A whole big world that doesn’t depend upon you. You don’t have to carry the weight of the world. God’s got that covered.

Soak up what God has made—the birds of the air, offering up their songs to the Lord and to our ears for our enjoyment; the trees and flowers in bloom, filling our view with dazzling colors. And consider. God cares for each of these. And He cares for you, too.

In all your busyness, in all your responsibilities, in all your overwhelm, don’t forget your Heavenly Father’s tender care for you—and cast your cares on Him. Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you. God cares and provides for His people. And the work that has you so bogged down right now may produce fruit in due season—if you do not lose heart. Do not grow weary in doing good.


For your reflection:

What are the good works that God is calling you to do right now? Are there things to add?

Is there anything on your plate right now that doesn’t belong there? That is either too much or all about exalting yourself? Or is it simply a distraction from the good work that you know God has called you to?

Are there good things that you are already doing, but you’re grumbling as you do them? Can you see with the eyes of faith that the work set before you is GOOD and therefore, it’s worth doing it cheerfully?

I’d like to leave you with a poem that Elisabeth Elliot often shared in her writing and teaching. “Do the next thing” may sound like just another modern, over-simplified, get-er-done mantra. But in the context of the poem and a life lived to the glory of God, it is much more: a call to live out our faith in Christ through surrendering to God in each task He sets before us, casting our cares on Him each step of the way.

DO THE NEXT THING

From an old English parsonage down by the sea
There came in the twilight a message to me;
Its quaint Saxon legend, deeply engraven,
Hath, it seems to me, teaching from Heaven.
And on through the doors the quiet words ring
Like a low inspiration: “DO THE NEXT THING.”

Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, and guidance are given.
Fear not tomorrows, child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, do the next thing

Do it immediately, do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing,
Leave all results, do the next thing.

Looking for Jesus, ever serener,
Working or suffering, be thy demeanor;
In His dear presence, the rest of His calm,
The light of His countenance be thy psalm,
Strong in His faithfulness, praise and sing.
Then, as He beckons thee, do the next thing.

But Rather By Means of Good Works

Being a wise and godly woman involves more than just donning the right outfit. Putting on a cotton prairie dress and some makeup can change your appearance, and that’s fine, but it doesn’t change your heart or get the work done for you.

prairie dress good work done christian

Please don’t let the algorithm or someone else’s business model determine who you are, how you dress, and what you do. Stay rooted in God’s word, dressing in a way that fits your profession of faith (and your daily activity!), and devoted to walking in the good works that God has prepared for you (1 Tim. 5:10 & Eph. 2:10).

women roll up sleeves good works

Dear Father,

Help us to be women who are willing to roll up our sleeves, to step into the messes of life to lend a helping hand to our brothers and sisters in need. Help us to not be afraid to get dirty, having the heart of a true servant, like our Lord Jesus who stooped down to wash the feet of His disciples and to heal those who were sick or unclean.

May we see all of our work—in our homes, in our jobs or studies, in Your church, in our local communities, and even reaching to other nations—may we see all of it as an opportunity to serve others and adorn the gospel, the message of good news that while we were sinners, utterly lost in our rebellion, hopeless to gain salvation by our own works—that You, Jesus, lived that perfect life that pleases God, that You died on the cross as a payment for our sins, so that simply by placing our faith and hope in You, Jesus, we could be forgiven and gain full acceptance into Your family.

Help us to trust in You, Jesus, to see our sin and need for salvation, that no amount of our own good works can save us. But may we also see Your incredible love for us and Your offer of forgiveness and the hope of eternal life. May we do good works because You have done the ultimate work, and it is finished. May we rest in grace and labor in love. It’s in Your sweet name, Jesus, that we pray. Amen.

Here are the other posts in this series:
Wise Women Build Up, Part 1: Godly Wisdom
Wise Women Build Up, Part 2: Good Works (that’s this post!)
Wise Women Build Up, Part 3: Gracious Words

Wise Women Build Up, Part One: Godly Wisdom

30 Wednesday Apr 2025

Posted by in Home and Family, Living Faith

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The following article and the two that follow it are talks that I gave at a women’s retreat in my area. The theme was “Pioneer Women”, and the scriptures were chosen for me. So you could say I was writing and speaking to a prompt, which was a new and fun challenge. It was a fruitful exercise for me and a delight to get to share some insights from God’s word with the lovely ladies who gathered to hear it. I hope you’ll find it to be an encouragement to you, as well.
This first article discusses a Christian woman’s Godly Wisdom, and the two following articles flow from that, digging deeper into the Good Works and Gracious Words that ought to flow from hearts that have been redeemed by the love of God through the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I’m not a pioneer woman. Although we live on seven acres, homeschool, make most of our food from scratch, and tend a large garden, we don’t have animals [yet], and we live close enough to town that lately I end up going there for activities and errands most days of the week, so I wouldn’t call myself a homesteader and certainly not a pioneer woman.

But I know someone who fits the description pretty well. In fact, I have used Proverbs 14:1, our passage for today, about this friend of mine, because she has been literally building her house along with her husband, debt free on a teacher’s salary up in north central Arkansas with lumber they milled themselves right there on the family land. They’ve also got a cow and chickens and goats and cats, she makes her own kombucha, and they’re homeschooling the oldest few of their five young children. They’re really doing it. And it’s kinda crazy and truly inspiring. We go up to visit them every summer to pitch in, and it’s a blast.

We’re not all going to live that kind of lifestyle, but I think we can all recognize the incredible spunk and resourcefulness, patience and intention that go into that kind of undertaking. So in this article we’re going to explore how we can apply some of those same pioneer woman qualities in our own context.

First, we’ll cover Proverbs 14:1 looking at what Godly Wisdom is and does.

Then, we’ll see how our passage lays only two options before us. And I’ll give you five habits of a wise woman that can help you think through your own situation.

Finally, I’ll tell you about the great recognition that might just change the way you think about your home life.

What Godly Wisdom Is and Does

Our first scripture for today reminds us of the power and influence we have over our household. How we show up at home matters today as much as it did in times past.

Here’s Proverbs 14:1:

The wise woman builds her house,
But the foolish tears it down with her own hands.

In the broader context of Proverbs, this verse simply continues the contrast between wisdom and folly. The wise do this, and the foolish do that. Lady wisdom, as the idea of wisdom is often personified, does something positive, while Lady folly, her foolish counterpart, does something negative, sometimes with disastrous consequences.

Lady wisdom, or that wise woman of Proverbs, builds her house. But before we talk about building, we probably ought to understand what it means to be wise according to the Bible.

What is wisdom? In God’s word, wisdom carries both the idea of understanding what is good and right and best before God AND choosing or doing what is good and right and best in our own given situation. All of our practical wisdom can develop freely and in many creative directions if we first submit our hearts and minds to God, reverently loving what He loves and hating what He hates.

To give us some idea of what wisdom looks like in practice, here are some examples of what wisdom does:

Wisdom fears the Lord.

Wisdom seeks for knowledge and understanding rather than waiting around for it.

Wisdom pays attention.

Wisdom sees needs in advance and plans to meet them in a timely manner.

Wisdom sees harm in advance and prepares to avoid or endure it well.

Wisdom chooses the truth over the half truth or lies, the good over the bad, the effective over the ineffective (but also creative beauty over mere efficiency), to build rather than to destroy, to work with excellence rather than sloppiness (but it also prefers good enough and done over paralyzing perfectionism).

Wisdom considers all of the moving pieces of a household, whether people, animals, plants, or inanimate objects, and seeks to manage them well and for the health and flourishing of each member.

Wisdom speaks skillfully and with kindness; and is quiet when necessary, too.

James 3:13-18 gives us a good description of godly wisdom in contrast to worldly wisdom:

Who among you is wise and understanding? Let him show by his good behavior his deeds in the gentleness of wisdom. But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your heart, do not be arrogant and so lie against the truth. This wisdom is not that which comes down from above, but is earthly, natural, demonic. For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there is disorder and every evil thing. But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, reasonable, full of mercy and good fruits, unwavering, without hypocrisy. And the seed whose fruit is righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

The negative traits that James lists give us a picture of the kind of woman who might tear down her household or those around her: “bitter jealousy” “selfish ambition” “arrogance” “lies” “disorder” “hypocrisy”.

Are those things that you bring to your home? Or does your presence in your home bring with it “gentleness” “understanding” “good behavior” “purity” “peace” “reasonableness” “mercy” “good fruits” “righteousness”?

We don’t accidentally produce good fruit. We grow in godly wisdom and the fruit of the Spirit by depending upon the Lord, anchoring ourselves in His word, and practicing what we’re learning—with a lot of confession and repentance and resting in Jesus’ along the way when we get it wrong.

Only Two Options

Proverbs 14:1 paints a picture of only two options: a wise woman who actively builds up her household; and a foolish woman who actively tears it down. There is no neutral third party. Either you contribute to the good of your household, or you work toward its destruction by your complacency.

Now, I’m not talking about being a perfectionist, but I am talking about being faithful to do what you can.
Proverbs warns us that “The lazy man is brother to him who destroys.”

Think about it: If you simply ignore the dust bunnies, will they go away or get bigger? Do your floors clean themselves? Does the clutter go away if you ignore it? No, all of these get worse with time and use. We can tear our house down by our neglect. (I’m learning now just how important maintenance is—for our homes and possessions and our aging bodies. Maintenance is required!) We’d like to be able to just ignore it all and do whatever new thing peaks our interest, but that’s not the way this sin-cursed world works. Things tend toward entropy. Toward falling apart and breaking down.

If we are merely indifferent toward our responsibilities to care for, to steward, the good things God has graciously given us, then we are actually contributing toward their destruction.

Think about how this works in relationships. If your husband or sibling or roommate always responded to you with blank looks and a mopey attitude, would you feel like they were close to you, or would you feel like they were moving away from you? Like maybe they had something against you? If we are not actively investing in the people in our lives—by looking them in the eyes, smiling at them, and engaging with them with interest and real concern, we are actually tearing down our relationships by our lack of investing in them. It’s been said that the opposite of love is not hate but rather indifference. Watch out that indifference doesn’t creep into your relationships.

Weather we’re talking about seeds in the garden or relationships in our home, if we don’t water it, it’s not gonna grow, and it might just die.

Five Habits of a Wise Woman

So, how can we be wise and intentional builders rather than foolish and negligent destroyers? How do we translate the idea-level wisdom of Scripture into a boots-on-the-ground wisdom that builds up our homes and people? Well, we need to first understand that wisdom discerns what best honors God and serves people in a real time and place. So there isn’t a cookie-cutter answer. But we can learn how to prayerfully think through our own situation and season of life.

To that end, here are FIVE habits of a wise woman that can help us to be builders in our homes. We need to PRIORITIZE, or put first things first, ATTEND to those things that are our priorities, IMAGINE what is possible for our homes and people, ESTABLISH rhythms or routines to help us follow through on our intentions, and ACQUIRE the skills necessary to do our duties and love our people well. If you have paper or a notebook handy, write down each habit and answer the questions or prompts listed under each.

PRIORITIZE

The commands and examples of scripture call us to prioritize home as the first place of ministry and as the place from which we can do good works for the glory of God beyond our front door. Remember that godly wisdom isn’t hypocritical. We ought to be practicing Christian virtue and service at home—where only our families or roommates—or maybe even only God—sees how we live.

So. —Who and what are you responsible for? List everything that comes to mind.

Circle those people and things that you are most responsible for before God. Think of where you live. An apartment? House? Assisted living? Think of who you live with or who is nearby.

If you wear the title “wife” or “mom” then you are irreplaceable in those roles. Make sure you show up for them first and always. If you are the only daughter of your parents, or you siblings’ only sister, know that you are irreplaceable in those relationships, too.

ATTEND

See your home and see your people—give your attention to each. It’s said about that Proverbs 31 woman that “She looks well to the ways of her household.” Look and really see both the people and the things around you. And write them down.

List what each one needs from you. Then circle those things that would make the most difference for them if you did them.

You can’t do everything. So evaluating and prioritizing are things we have to do again and again. When we have to do it on the fly, I call it triage. And I’ve been doing it a LOT lately since we’re into our second month of a home remodel project along with track season for the boys and a host of other projects.

The constant question isn’t how can I get it all done—instead it’s what can I not afford to leave undone? Some days or weeks that will be a task or project or something with a deadline; other times, it’s a conversation or other investment in a relationship that is timely and simply cannot wait.

Attend to yourself: The woman sets the tone of the household–your emotions are the thermostat. Are you heating things up? Are you cold toward others? Or are you pleasantly warm or cool to meet the needs in your home?

Do the members of your home need more hugs? How can you show appropriate physical affection? A hand on the shoulder to encourage a friend or roommate. Hugging your kids. When they get on your nerves, give them a hug rather than running away from them. It will probably calm you both down.

This is also a great opportunity to make plans to encourage the people in your home. Don’t leave this to chance. Take a quiet moment to think about who they are and what they do—and how you can praise and thank them for what they do well.

It’s hard to obey the command to consider the needs of others if you aren’t even aware of them. So start paying attention.

IMAGINE the good that is possible

It might be surprising to hear that cultivating imagination can help you live out your faith and build up your home and family. But the more our culture breaks ties between one generation and the generation that came before it, the more we are left in the dark about how godly women have done this job well in past ages. We lose touch with history and traditional skills and biblical family dynamics. And our TV and movies don’t usually give us pictures of these things—or if they do, they don’t often hold them up with dignity and encouragement.

Perhaps even more disturbing, with screens replacing face-to-face human interaction, we as a society are losing touch with the basic skills and manners that nourish relationships. We need instruction and imagination to think ahead about how to prefer others in social settings, or to understand what another person might be going through. I’ll just straight up tell you, that I’ve had to learn and grow a lot in that department over the years.

Read Christian books on homemaking—whether you work outside of the home or not, whether you’re married or single. They can inspire you—because making our homes a more enjoyable place to live and to share with others is a wonderful way to imitate God in His creative and sustaining work. Books by Sally Clarkson are a great place to start (I’ve enjoyed The Life Giving Home more than once).

What would make your home just a little more beautiful? Don’t break the bank—it can be a bunch of wildflowers collected from the side of the road that you put in a drinking glass on your desk or the kitchen table. What small touch can you add that will show yourself and others that you care for the space?

ESTABLISH rhythms of work and rest, fellowship and availability and solitude

If we’ve set our priorities and identified real needs, we ought to be intentional about making space for them in our schedule.

Is God’s word a part of your routine? Do you share that with the members of your household? Do you pray with them? For them? To build them up in the faith?

Meal times can be a great opportunity to attach bible reading to something that already happens during your day.

What would it take to make regular family meals a reality in your home if it isn’t already? Or, if you’re ready to level up, to have someone over for dinner once a week?

Do you plan times of rest into your days and weeks? Do you make space for screen-free family or roommate time where the focus is on each other and not on digital media?

Pick one or two building actions that you want to put into place this week—and choose ahead of time when you will do them. Establish a routine.

ACQUIRE skills and tools

As you are attending to your home and your people, you’ll probably start to notice that there are things that don’t come naturally, areas where you need a lot of growth or don’t know exactly what to do. That’s ok! Get started anyway. But take notes on what skills or tools you need to add to your tool box. What are they? Write them down! Seek out both physical skills and social graces. Look around at your sisters in Christ who do any of these things well. Imitate them or ask them to teach you.

The Great Recognition:

GOD IS A MEMBER OF YOUR HOUSEHOLD—This may be most notable for those who live alone.

If you live alone, who is there with your thoughts and actions? You and God. Are you building each of them up? Do your words to yourself ring true—do they build you up in the faith? Or do they tear you down? Are your thoughts about yourself and others always critical, echoing the voice of the accuser? Or are you renewing your mind with God’s word?

Are your thoughts about God and your prayers to Him what they ought to be? God deserves our praise, even more than the people who may live in our homes need our encouragement. Do we recognize that God is with us? As the central figure in our home? How does the goal of building your house change when you consider that, if you are a believer in Jesus, He is there with you in the quietness of your home? Do you “build up” your thoughts of God with the truth of Scripture?

Now God is so big and self-sustaining that He doesn’t need anything from us. But He desires our childlike trust, our responsive love, and our sincere thanks and adoration for all He is and all He has done for us. And He invites us to join Him in the work that He’s doing in the world.

So as you consider building up the people in your home, please do not forget that God is a part of your household. That your relationship with Jesus and your thoughts of Him, as well as those of everyone else in your home, need to be built up, too.

Bringing It Home

The wise woman builds her house, but the foolish tears it down with her own hands. We need godly wisdom that fears the Lord, ordering all of our loves and actions under His Lordship and authority and putting to use all that God has given us to point to the grace of God in Christ Jesus.

Please don’t underestimate the power of a warm home and a healthy, loving family in this kingdom-building work. So many people are coming from broken homes and broken situations. Nothing out there in the world can replace the home they should have had. But our homes, surrendered to the Lord and made welcoming for people, can be a place of love and warmth that points others to the love of God.

So, like the strong, resourceful pioneer women, with a prayer and a plan, let’s roll up our sleeves and get to work.

How do you plan to build up your people and your home this week?

Here are the other posts in this series:
Wise Women Build Up, Part 1: Godly Wisdom (that’s this post!)
Wise Women Build Up, Part 2: Good Works
Wise Women Build Up, Part 3: Gracious Words

Word of the Year for 2025: STABILITY (and Bible Verses on Stability!)

07 Tuesday Jan 2025

Posted by in Living Faith

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I’ve been mulling over ideas for a word of the year for 2025. In past years, I’ve chosen “faithfulness” (multiple times!), “abundance”, and “give”, among others. I often choose a word in line with something the Lord has been bringing to my attention—an area that needs growth or greater attention or application. This year is no different.

Since before Christmas break, I’ve been dealing with pain in many of my joints, including an injury to one of my knees and occasional tweaking and pain in the other. I like to say that my knees are usually quite polite and take turns bothering me, but this time they’ve both revolted at the same time. Since I usually ignore low-level aches and pains, perhaps such drastic measures were necessary in order for me to get the message.

I’m beginning to (maybe, finally) recognize the importance of not overextending myself.

The knee woes began after a “pilates” class that I tried for the first time. It was much faster and more jumpy than you’d think a pilates class ought to be, and though I tried to adapt the crazy-fast cardio movements to fit what I was prepared for that day, I seem to have gotten hurt anyway. The pain and swelling increased over the following days, and the clicking as I walked up and down the stairs turned into pain enough to make me wish we could install an elevator.

If I’m honest, though, the reality is that overextending myself is an issue primarily because I tend to neglect the smaller, more foundational exercises that are needed for strength and stability. Most notable among these are the physical therapy exercises I’ve been assigned over the years to strengthen the muscles around my knees and shoulders, stretch out the tight IT band, neck, and limbs, and coordinate and build core strength and pelvic floor stability. All of these things work together to promote physical stability and readiness for whatever physical obstacles lay just ahead. And despite what my former-competitive-athlete self with her go-big-or-go-home mentality may still try to tell me, these small but effective exercises aren’t silly little nothings. They’re worth doing and sticking with long-term, beyond the necessary injury-recovery stage.

With all of that on my mind in December, it shouldn’t be too surprising what word I’ve chosen for 2025: STABILITY.

When the pain in my knee made walking difficult, I had to acknowledge that basic maintenance deserves more of my attention than I had been giving it. I have to invest in those things that create the most basic, most fundamental level of stability—so that I can rely on that firm footing for all kinds of other activities and pursuits. Ready to move. Ready to act. Ready to serve. Ready to stand against external pressures.

When life gets busy, it’s easy to imagine that you should throw all of your energy into the new and exciting and sometimes trying “exercises” that pop up on the schedule. But there’s real wisdom in recognizing that those strenuous events that test our strength and stamina are worth preparing for by spending some of our energy building up those “simple” and “boring” things which are foundational to all the rest.

I love word studies, so naturally I had to spend some time digging into the word I’ve chosen for the year. Here’s a definition of stability from Merriam-Webster.com:

: the quality, state, or degree of being stable: such as
a: the strength to stand or endure : firmness
b: the property of a body that causes it when disturbed from a condition of equilibrium or steady motion to develop forces or moments that restore the original condition
c: resistance to chemical change or to physical disintegration

Just to flesh this out some more, here’s the definition of stable, as well:

1 a: firmly established : fixed, steadfast
stable opinions
b: not changing or fluctuating : unvarying
in stable condition
c: permanent, enduring
stable civilizations
2 a: steady in purpose : firm in resolution
b: not subject to insecurity or emotional illness : sane, rational
a stable personality
3 a(1): placed so as to resist forces tending to cause motion or change of motion
(2): designed so as to develop forces that restore the original condition when disturbed from a condition of equilibrium or steady motion
b(1): not readily altering in chemical makeup or physical state
stable emulsions
(2): not spontaneously radioactive

I may not be too concerned with radioactivity, but I think I get the idea. I want to work toward a place of steadfastness and resilience, soundness of body, mind, and spirit, prepared for whatever work the Lord has set before me and also prepared to stand strong even when battered by the winds and waves of life—physical or otherwise.

Here are some scriptures I’ll be meditating on related to this theme:

How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
Nor stand in the path of sinners,
Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
3 He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,
Which yields its fruit in its season
And its leaf does not wither;
And in whatever he does, he prospers.

Psalm 1:1-3

All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.
12 Therefore, strengthen the hands that are weak and the knees that are feeble, 13 and make straight paths for your feet, so that the limb which is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather be healed.

Hebrews 12:11-13

Therefore, my beloved brethren, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that your toil is not in vain in the Lord.

1 Cor. 15:58
stability word of the year 2025 bible verse wall

Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, 3 knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. 4 And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

5 But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. 6 But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. 7 For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, 8 being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways.

James 1:2-8

My soul, wait in silence for God only,
For my hope is from Him.
6 He only is my rock and my salvation,
My stronghold; I shall not be shaken.
7 On God my salvation and my glory rest;
The rock of my strength, my refuge is in God.

Psalm 62:5-7
stability word of the year 2025 stand rock psalm 62 bible verse

Related to that last Psalm, here is a song that I have enjoyed for many years:

In this new year, as I’m working toward healing by building physical stability in my legs and core, I want to meditate on what that looks like in all areas of life: spiritually, financially, in my homemaking, etc. There are a lot of ways in which my responsibilities and opportunities (for speaking, teaching, etc) are expanding, and that’s exciting. But I can’t afford to neglect those things that are most foundational, most essential—those things that build real stability for all of life.

I’m seeking to apply myself to physical therapy and adequate rest to build stability in my knees, as well as committed to a bible reading plan for 2025, but I’m also giving attention to home routines and organization so that the most basic systems that support our family’s daily life and all of our coming and going are up and running smoothly. And I want to watch my mental habits so that my thoughts and emotions are firmly rooted in the word of God and in quiet trust that He is good and in control.

I’d also like to work on stabilizing my blood sugar and losing weight, but I’m still considering what that needs to look like. (Please send help.)

So much of this comes down to habits. The little things that add up over time to build stability in every part of life. It’s basically faithfulness in the little things, with a focus on building strength and resilience. That’s the kind of stability I’m aiming for.

Do you have a word of the year for 2025? I’d love to hear about it! Share yours in the comments below!

Fair vs. Right: A Story

30 Tuesday Apr 2024

Posted by in Home and Family, Living Faith

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Some time ago both my boys were sick. And then one of them had mostly recovered.

One thing you ought to know about my boys is that they do an awful lot around the house, so when they’re sick, I have to pick up the slack, and some things just don’t get done.

Photo by Vika Glitter on Pexels.com (This is not my son, in case anyone was wondering. 😉 )

It’s His Turn!

This time it was the compost bin that hadn’t been taken care of. I told my recently-recovered son that it was time for that thing to be cleaned. It was nasty, let me tell you. It stank. There were gnats and gnat larva. Ew.

My recently-recovered son, at that moment, decided to protest.

“[My brother] was supposed to do it last Monday, before we were sick, and he didn’t. I shouldn’t have to do it. It’s his turn.”

I raised an eyebrow: “[Your brother] is sick. And today is his birthday. The compost bucket needs to be cleaned out, and you can do it.”

He balked and wanted to “explain” the situation further, so I employed the mom look.

He quickly said, “Ok, I’ll do it.”

Mom look: 1

Middle school boy: 0

He did do it. And he did a great job.

Fair vs. Right

Later, as I was relating this story to my husband, I began to put my finger on what my son’s response meant. He was responding in a very natural and understandable way. But it wasn’t right. Why?

In the moment when he objected to my request, he was focused on fairness instead of righteousness. As it turns out, while those two ideals can overlap at times, they are actually quite different.

A quick look at Merriam Webster’s can help us see the difference.

Fair : 1 a : marked by impartiality and honesty : free from self-interest, prejudice, or favoritism…
B(1) : conforming with the established rules : ALLOWED
(2) : consonant with merit or importance : DUE
a fair share

When it comes to the case my son was making, he was in line with that last part of the definition. He didn’t think that taking out the compost on that particular day was his fair share. He knows we try to divvy up the chores in our home reasonably and equitably, not dumping all of the responsibility on any one person, not letting one brother off the hook and forcing the other to play Cinderella.

And while it can be reasonable to appeal to such precedent at times, there is something higher than fairness. Consider the dictionary entry for righteous:

Righteous : acting in accord with divine or moral law : free from guilt or sin
2 a: morally right or justifiable

That definition matches our common English use of the term. In the Bible, however, “righteous” or “righteousness” seems to carry a more active and positive connotation—it’s more than merely not breaking divine or moral laws. When Jesus, in the Sermon on the Mount, tells his listeners that their righteousness is to surpass the scribes and Pharisees, He elaborates on that point in the verses that follow. He not only gives instruction to keep oneself pure or from transgressing the law (Matt. 5:21-37), but He also calls His followers to go far beyond mere technical obedience to law in order to show radical love to others—even to our enemies (Matt. 5:38-47).

[For a bit more study on how righteousness looks like more than an avoidance ethic, see Psalm 37:21, and Proverbs 10:16-21, 12:10-12, 21:26, & 29:7.]

Self-righteousness is often focused only on the “without guilt” or “racking up points” idea of righteousness—it focuses on keeping score for oneself. And it often doesn’t mind making a fuss when it doesn’t get what it thinks it deserves.

True, biblical righteousness (the practical kind believers are to grow in, not the only-in-Christ theological kind that we receive by faith) thinks of God and others and not one’s own winning streak. It does what is just and good concerning duty to God and others. It implies judging rightly (according to God’s law and/or the needs of a situation) and acting in accordance with that judgment.

Fairness is Good. Righteousness is Better.

If my other son hadn’t still been sick, I might have agreed with my recently-recovered son that it was right for his brother to pick up the slack that he himself had left behind. Even if it was his birthday. That would have been both right and fair.

But when one of our number is out for the count, the right thing to do is serve them, or serve in their place. To go the extra mile. To give the cloak off of our back.

Love covers a multitude of sins. And spills. And forgotten or just-didn’t-get-to-it chores.

This is, of course, not just about middle school boys and their excuses. We can respond to the obvious needs around us with the same attitude, can’t we?

We may complain that it isn’t fair for us to have to do whatever it is that needs to be done right now. Maybe it is unfortunate, even unfair. But that doesn’t change the fact that the thing needs done and that God has given us eyes to see it.

Will we whine like a teenager over fairness when it conveniently serves our interests … or will we simply do what’s right to the glory of God and the good of those around us?

If we’re paying attention, we’ll probably begin to see that this question pops up on the daily.

Do you ever see your own attitudes reflected back at you by your children? Those moments can be comical and convicting! Share your story in the comments below.